Let me start off by apologizing for my absense from the forum, I've been fairly busy over the last couple months with a lot of activities as well as working all the time.
Speaking of work, I have a lot of free time while I'm making calls to people. I have a few restrictions as to what I'm allowed to do, so it's usually basic things. One of the things I've done is make "lists" or "countdowns" in order to keep myself busy. I have no idea why I decided to do this outside of boredom, and once I was done with it, I figured it was too much of a task to just not share, even if I was a bit inconclusive at points. One of the few things I worked extensively on was a countdown of Wrestlemania main events. I chose this because I figured "best Wrestlemania matches" and other like-minded things had been done before. I stuck to the main events only because an elaborate writing of best matches of the night would require me to go back and watch some of the older WMs again, so sticking to the main events aka: the main storyline is much easier to write about. This is entirely my opinion based on events leading up to the match as well as the match itself. So let's get on with it:
Steve Austin vs. The Rock-WM17
This was easily the most hyped match I can ever remember. It didn’t seem like 2 minutes ever went by where you didn’t hear Limp Bizkit’s “My Way” while a video package for this match aired. The whole damn event looked fucking huge and outside of the APA/RTC match, every match was spectacular. This main event was a mixed blessing though, as it essentially spelled the end for the wrestling boom of the late 90’s-01. This was Austin’s first WM back after missing out the year before. During that time, the Rock had become a massive babyface and was in the same range of popularity as Austin. While they had a match at WM a couple years before, things had definitely changed. Austin was a little older, Rock was a little better and more over with the people. People felt Austin was on his last legs and I even speculated we’d get a WM6 finish. Looking back, it’s not hard to see why Austin turned heel, but no one saw it coming. No one I say! The match itself is great, especially since one of my favorite things in big matches is false finishes; this match is full of them. This match has you on the edge of your seat since it’s nearly 30 minutes and every time you think it’s done, it’s not. I guess Austin turning heel wasn’t a bad idea, it was just a poorly executed idea. First off, the match was in Houston, which is in Austin’s home state. Secondly, Austin was still massively over despite declining in popularity slightly. Third, aligning yourself with your arch nemesis was just stupid, it made no sense and it got Austin nowhere. It would’ve almost made more sense to allow Rock to turn heel, since he was leaving to make movies anyways. When he returned, most of the fans wouldn’t care about his former heel turn, because he was the fucking Rock! The big problem I have with this match is the finish. With so many false finishes in place, it would’ve made for better drama to have a cooler finish. I think what they might’ve been going for was the idea that Austin was just so frustrated with the Rock, he decided to just keep hitting him with the chair until he finally quit. But I just didn’t like it that much, it would’ve been at least a little bit better to stand him up and give him an intense stunner or something. Overall, it was just a minor complaint on my part despite me overanalyzing it, I still loved this match as well as the entire show.
The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels-WM26
I’m normally one to complain about the main event not being a title match. Before this event, it hadn’t been done in 15 years. And while there were times that they could’ve booked another match above the title match, they didn’t do it because they felt the title match should always be last. And more times than not, they’re right. However this was the one time, I truly felt there was more on the line than just a belt. This was a match that had a man’s career on the line. This was a match that challenged a man’s one defining legacy. This was a match that I originally didn’t give a shit about. Now granted, I loved their first WM match just a year before, but I didn’t believe they had the ability to add onto that or make it more interesting. I was dead wrong. Part of the problem I had was that Undertaker was breaking down, big time. He just didn’t have it in him to really carry on good matches anymore, and especially not carry the brand as their champion. This didn’t stop him from being booked as champion, which really pissed me off because he was obviously a shell of his former self, and while as champion, he was constantly bombarded with the idea of having a rematch. I in no way wanted to see Taker and Michaels feuding over the belt, and for the life of me, I believed that Michaels was going to win the Royal Rumble. Granted, that didn’t happen and Undertaker lost the belt a month later, but I was still skeptic. It was pretty obvious that they couldn’t top themselves from the year before with their wrestling, they had to do something better, they had to tell a better story. Michaels became literally obsessed with the idea of breaking the Undertaker’s streak, so much so that he sacrificed everything he could in order to achieve such a goal. Undertaker finally accepted his challenge with the exception that Michaels must put his career on the line. As Michaels put it, if he couldn’t beat Taker, he didn’t have a career. So while this match from a technical standpoint wasn’t better than their first match, it definitely told a better story and when you can tell a better story, then it doesn’t matter if it’s a 5 star match or not. Michaels goes out of his way to kill himself for this match and makes Taker look the best he’s looked in a year. False finish after false finish, it finally gets to Taker as he just wants Michaels to peacefully stay down. Michaels defies this and mocks Taker, only to eat a piledriver and get beaten. This to me, was one of the best stories WWE has ever told, much less the best WM story ever told. After this match, there’s no way Taker’s streak can ever be broken.
Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels -WM14
The only complaint I have here is that Austin really should’ve been in the main event the year prior. He didn’t have to win the belt or anything, but it would’ve done some good to expose him a little more when fans were really into him. They rectify their mistake by having this match which helps kick the Attitude Era into the Austin Era. Shawn Michaels was still living off the heat that was caused by the Montreal Screwjob. He was doing a fantastic job as a heel, and it was during this time I felt he was at his absolute cocky best, despite being drunk/coked up. Anyways, it’s looking good, however Shawn injures his back big time at the Royal Rumble which ultimately sidelines him down the line. Austin ends up winning the Rumble and then proceeds to attack Mike Tyson on Raw the next night. Tyson aligns himself with Michaels. We finally get to WM, where it’s announced that Tyson will be the special enforcer to the match, which puts more “odds” against Austin. Michaels and Austin put on a fantastic match, despite Michaels being in severe pain, he decides to show his bare ass for the LULZ. Of course it wouldn’t be a big match situation if the ref doesn’t get knocked out! In one of my favorite finishes, Austin attempts to stun Michaels, Michaels counters with a super kick, which Austin counters into a stunner. In a shocking turn of events, Tyson jumps in the ring and quick counts Austin, declaring “My man Cold Stone is the winner!” I never understood how Tyson was able to make the count or why, I guess it doesn’t matter that much. If I were booking, I would’ve had Austin stun Tyson after that, but that’s just wishful thinking.
Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle-WM19
I fucking love Kurt Angle. He’s my absolute all time favorite wrestler, and no doubt he was underutilized when he was in WWE. Now while I never felt he should be the focal point, I feel he wasn’t given his fair share to be in the main event at WM all too often. Now I know you’re thinking I’m crazy considering he headlined 3 title matches, however 2 of which were overshadowed by other matches on the card. This being the one time he was actually going to close out the show, he proved he could do it, even with a broken freakin’ neck! This was a wet dream match as soon as Brock Lesnar made his wrestling debut a year before. He destroyed everyone in his path making it all the way to being WWE champion. Due to shenanigans, he loses the belt a few months later and the mastermind behind the whole thing was Kurt Angle, with Paul Heyman’s help. Angle is now champion, and he proceeds to not allow for Lesnar to have a rematch, so Lesnar is forced to get it by winning the Royal Rumble, while Angle has an amazing match with Benoit the same night. Unfortunately for Angle, he suffers a legit serious neck injury a few weeks before WM, putting his title defense in jeopardy. The plan was to have Benoit win the belt from Angle, but according to Angle in a shoot interview, he didn’t want to let down a fan who happened to be mentally handicapped. So Angle proceeded to have the match. Despite suffering a neck injury, Angle proceeds to have an incredible match with Lesnar. A lot of back and forth action, and Angle pushes Lesnar to his absolute limit. The only problem with the match is that Lesnar fucks up the finish. A lot of people, including myself were waiting for Lesnar to debut his Shooting Star Press. The problem was that the match was pretty damn long, and Lesnar was quite winded when it came time to do the move. He proceeded to jump off the top rope and land right on his fucking head. Lesnar is a big dude, and the smallest part of him is his head, so that had to be a bitch to get up from. Anyways, Angle looks pretty pissed off so they execute a quick finish where Lesnar hits Angle with the F5. Lesnar is blitzed beyond all belief as the biggest night of his life is ruined by a massive fucking headache.
Batista vs. Triple H-WM21
Man, Batista got the easy way to the main event. While his former Evolution partner Randy Orton got kicked out of the group, Batista destroyed the group. While Orton had to defend his title against Triple H, Triple H had to defend his title against Batista. And while Orton beat Batista to the main event by 6 months, Batista was well more established in the end. It all started when Batista started standing up to his mentor Triple H. It wasn’t anything big, just little things here and there that Triple H didn’t really notice but the fans obviously did. Then Batista is able to win the Royal Rumble, which prompts Triple H to get a little nervous. Triple H remembers what happened a year ago and doesn’t want that to happen again. He plants the seeds in Batista’s head to challenge JBL on Smackdown , however Batista doesn’t really give Triple H a response. This only furthers Triple H’s fear that Batista will challenge him. Triple H makes a deal with JBL to challenge Batista, who still doesn’t really budge. At a contract signing, Batista turns on his former mentor and Ric Flair as he viciously beats them down. This leads to a title match, where Batista beats the crap out of Triple H, in what was a decent match for what it was. There’s nothing really to write here, your typical shenanigans from Flair aside, it was a pretty straight forward power wrestling match. Again, I must stress a lot of these big matches have less to do with the actual wrestling than the story leading into them, and if you can execute what the fans are looking for, then you should have no problem sending people home happy. Batista is no skilled wrestle by any means and he practically turned to shit once he went off to Smackdown later that year. This was one of two storylines that made Batista interesting in a span of 5 years, the other being his heel turn in late 2009. It’s kind of sad really that so much time went by before we got to see how good of a character really could be.
Chris Benoit vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H-WM20
It’s kind of hard for me to write about this one. Not because Benoit is a sick fucking murderer, but because I wasn’t too pumped about this match. Granted, the match is pretty good, but I just wasn’t feeling it at the time. Not only that, I felt the entire WM card was weak. My first problem was Benoit, who I at one time considered my second favorite wrestler next to Angle. However after he ruptured a disk which fragmented into his spinal column, he came back and he just wasn’t as cool. He went from the Crippler, to the Rabid Wolverine, to Toothless Aggression, to 4 Real. Yawn. He was no longer this pissed off little bastard who looked like he took a razor blade to his tights, but started to just be this submissive machine without the intensity. And he had his moments, but they were few and far between, the guy was just a shell of himself in my opinion. Anyways the story here was that Smackdown General Manager Paul Heyman had it in for Benoit. Apparently Benoit didn’t go down on Paul E. when he was supposed to, so Heyman decided to make Benoit’s life a living hell. Heyman yanked Benoit all over the place, finally adding insult to injury by making him enter the Royal Rumble at #1. I didn’t have a problem with this because I was stupid enough to believe at the time that Cena was going to win the Rumble…back when I was a fan of the guy. Apparently even my mark friend knew Benoit was going to win, which kind of pissed me off. The reason it upset me was that the whole #1 Rumble entrant had been done to death already, and it’s a stupid statistic to have. I much prefer some random number getting the win, rather than the commone “he’s been in there since the beginning, what a heart” sort of deal. Plu, why #1? Clearly #2 has the same odds that #1 has unless as soon as #2 hit the ring they…eh fuck it. Anyways Benoit wins and takes his title shot to Raw where he challenges Triple H. Hell if I was in his position, I’d probably do the same thing since Lesnar was champion at the time and I wouldn’t want to fuck with him. However, Benoit’s presence pisses off Shawn Michaels, who feels he has unfinished business with Trips. Instead of settling it with a match as to who goes to WM, Michaels acts like a baby and gets his way, thus resulting in a Triple Threat, the first one in WM history. Also keep in mind WWE has done the fucking Triple Threat 3 times since then…ugh. You can see why this pissed me off. I mean it really kills the intensity when you throw a third guy in there, it just seems to unbalance the theme of two guys facing off and intently waiting to beat the guy, instead you now have to beat a guy while watching your back for the other guy. It’s just not as dramatic to me, or overdramatic, I don’t know. Like I said, the match itself is good and all, but I think they shorthanded Benoit the story in this feud, it almost seemed like Trips/Michaels was the bigger story. I guess if WWE does ever decide to erase Benoit’s story, they won’t have to erase as much.
Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan-WM6
What will happen when the Irresistible Force meets the Immovable Object? Well we found out. It was title vs. title, which was kind of stupid in a way. I could see the WWF title being on the line, but why the IC? What reason or purpose would Hogan want the IC title for? In fact the title was to be declared vacant no matter what, so why even have it on the line? At least it would’ve made since if Warrior lost, he could’ve fallen back on the fact he was IC champ. Anyways after confronting each other on a few occasions, the decision was made to have a match between the two. At the time, Warrior was on fire, easily one of the biggest stars of the era, even if it wasn’t for very long, he still got enormous pops. What most people will remember most about this feud was Warrior’s classic insane promos about “Hoke Ho-gin” and taking planes into nosedives into “Parts Unknown”! SKRONK! Anyways the match itself is a little silly, since they’re constantly bumping off one another and such. But what I like most about this match is that it built up someone as Hogan’s equal, in every sense of the word. Whatever Hogan would do, Warrior would counter. Whatever Warrior would do, Hogan would counter. This was honestly one of the first times you could watch a Hogan match and not predictably assume what was going to happen next. Hogan does quite a good job at being ring general, in fact I’d go so far as to say that Hogan had the potential to be much better in the ring, but he was super fucking lazy and saw the money he was already raking in. And while this wasn’t Warrior biggest match ever (that goes to WM7), it does do itself justice in the fashion that the right guy won. I’ve never been a Warrior mark, but it’s easy to see why the kids liked him. It was also an opportunity to rely on someone other than Hogan, although it didn’t last very long. What’s funny is that WWF President Jack Tunney said the two could not have a rematch because it would cause them to seriously and permanently injure themselves. Wow.
Steve Austin vs. The Rock-WM15
Out of their 3 matches at WM, this was probably my least favorite. But that’s not saying it’s a bad match, I’m just not very good at talking about it compared to their other matches. But it was obvious that Austin was winning. So obvious that Michael Cole decided to give away the result before the match even started. What a fuck head! I think the problem here was that the fans had already warmed up immensely to the Rock and they didn’t want to boo him. This is pretty clear when he aligned himself with the Corporation. Anyways, Rock has always been a much better heel, since his brash sense of humor offsets Austin’s badass persona. However, this whole storyline had almost more to do with McMahon than it did the Rock, which is another reason I felt their rematch was much better. The build to this match was quite good nonetheless, it was almost a chess game between McMahon and Austin. McMahon was doing everything in his power to keep Austin away from the belt, by constantly throwing matches in his path. After Austin was able to win a chance at being in the Rumble by winning a buried alive match, he was then last eliminated from the Rumble with assistance from the Rock, thus declaring McMahon as the Rumble winner. Since McMahon had no intention of being in the main event at Mania, he forfeited his match only to later find out that he inadvertently made Austin the #1 contender since he was the runner up in the Rumble. Austin promises he’ll give up his shot if he can have a one on one match with McMahon in a steel cage in which he inadvertently wins by getting thrown through the cage. You can almost say that the main event should’ve been Austin vs. McMahon, but that makes no difference really. Again, not much to really say here other than the story was more about McMahon, the match is pretty good but probably the weakest of their 3 WM matches. There seemed to be too much battling on the outside and too many ref bumps. Again, not a bad match, just my least favorite of the 3.
Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart-WM12
You either loved this match or you hated it. I personally love it, although it’s easy to see why people hate it. It’s extremely difficult to fill up an entire hour of wrestling, especially when the two men involved are known for their fastpaced athleticism. For the second year in a row, Shawn Michaels had won the Royal Rumble and the big them going into this match was having them in an Iron Man match. And quite honestly, if there were two people who could do it, it was Bret Hart and Michaels. The vignettes for this match were pretty funny as it showed Bret treading over ice trying to be careful not to slip, as well as being taken down by his elderly father. Shawn on the other hand was shown to be in much better shape and much more athletic. If that wasn’t a dead giveaway as to who would win, the entrance sure was. Michaels ascended to the ring from the rafters via zip line. Naturally unless Hart’s entrance where he ascends from Hell it’s pretty obvious that Michaels is winning. It doesn’t help that McMahon keeps squawking about the “boyhood dream”. Shawn stands in the ring stripping down with Jose Lothario close by. That was always a weird image to me, as I can’t help with the way Jose looked that he would be ok with his prodigy student acting like a Chippendales’ dancer. Bret makes his usual entrance (damn, I really wanted to see him with a pink and black pitchfork!) and proceeds to not listen to the rules of the match, instead making eyes at his son the entire time. As the match gets under way, it’s clear that this is going to be an exciting match, until you get about 15 minutes in, then you realize you’ll have to put up with a shitload of restholds. Again, I don’t have a problem with this as long as they don’t overdue it. Most of the time, they give it a break in order to break into a technical go around or leave the ring. At one point when they do leave the ring, Michaels attempts to super kick Bret, however he moves out of the way and hit the time keeper, which doesn’t really affect the match since the guy has like 30 minutes to sleep it off. Naturally it goes the entire match without scoring a single pinfall, and if I did have a complaint it would probably be that. I know what they were trying to do by keeping them looking like equals, but it ended up with a lot of the fans getting bored and awfully quiet. Bret snaps on the Sharpshooter as time starts to wind down, Bret has the lock held in as time ticks away. Will Michaels tap? Only if he was an idiot would he tap since clearly that would indicate that his boyhood dream really didn’t matter. Anyways, time expires and Bret leaves the ring. Since neither man scored a pinfall or submission, the match goes to sudden death, which seems to piss Bret off. I expected him to scream “HORSE’S ASS!” once it was declared but I digress. Anyways, Bret gets in the ring and eats a super kick. Shawn goes to pin him, however Bret kicks out. Bret gets up moments later only to eat another super kick and finally pin him. Ummm…ok? The point of 2 super kicks was? Anyways, Shawn immediately drops to his knees clutching the belt and telling Hebner/Lothario/Hart to get the fuck out of his ring. Bret walks to the back as a fan throws a shirt or something on him, that always made me laught for some reason. Michaels spends another 60 minutes basically on his knees going nuts with the belt. I’m all for him being champ, but that was a bit ridiculous. Now about that rematch Shawn….
Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage-WM5
Despite WM5 being a pretty piss poor show, the main event was actually pretty damn good. The story being that the Mega Powers were going to EXPLODE and facing off with one another. This was a story we had been following for a year. Who would reign supreme with the WWF title on the line? The problem I felt here was that WWF and Hogan had undermined Savage’s reign. Granted, he was champion for a year but he was still massively over and really didn’t need to turn heel. Hogan was constantly teasing retirement and spent a large majority of time away from the ring to shoot his movie “No Holds Barred”. Anyways, both Savage and Hogan were billed as the Mega Powers, who constantly kicked everyone’s ass around them. But good things don’t last forever. They had their problems where Hogan dickishly fucked Savage over, however the final straw was in a match against the Twin Towers. Their manager Elizabeth accidently gets hit during the match and Hogan sheepishly takes her to the back, where I can only assume he raped her. This left Savage to fend for himself against Akeem and Bossman who proceed to dominate for what seemed like an eternity. We get footage from the back that is laughable as Hogan is caught off guard as he was supposed to be “crying” and he breaks into out of nowhere, hilarious stuff. Anyways Hogan finally comes back to the ring and single handedly wins the match. Savage gets pissed and they sever their friendship. Since it was Savage who lost his cool, obviously he’s supposed to be the bad guy. So we finally get to WM, where Savage spends the entire event held up in his locker room screaming at Elizabeth, but truth be told according to a lot of wrestlers, that’s what actually happened a lot of the time in real life. Finally match time, in what proved to be the saving factor of the show, Savage wrestles circles around Hogan and makes him look really good. Elizabeth is torn as far as who to help and basically remains neutral. Savage plays the cowardly heel very well and proves why he was one of the all time bests. Anyways, Hogan hulks up, beats Savage down and wins the belt. Savage continued his feud with Hogan by bringing in his “No Holds Barred” nemesis Zeus, in what turned out to be a not so great match.
Triple H vs. John Cena-WM22
I was pumped about this one. I had tickets to go to Wrestlemania and to watch Cena lose! After almost a year of him beating every one of my favorite wrestlers I was going to see him lose! There was no reason for me to believe otherwise, I mean this was Triple H he was facing! I mean Trips doesn’t do a job unless it’s for a friend! Clearly I was living a fantasy, because what I got was a major “fuck you, we don’t care what you like” from the WWE. Cena wasn’t getting the most positive responses from the crowd for well over 6 months. Clearly he was supposed to be the new face of WWE. First Hogan, then Hart, then Austin, now Cena. WWE was hell bent on having him be THE guy. So for almost a year, Cena beats everyone. I cannot even describe Cena’s character, because it’s so bland and one dimensional, if you’ve seen Cena you know he has two reactions to things; very intense or very goofy. But enough with the Cena hate, the match itself Is pretty good. The crowd makes the match. 17,000 people including myself were chanting “Fuck you Cena!” Obviously not the reaction you should be getting if you’re the biggest face at the biggest event. For a few months leading up to this, Cena had started using a submission move because people were bitching he couldn’t wrestle. And here’s a major complaint from me; when you’re using a submission, you should wrestle In a style that works down a certain part of your opponent’s body. Cena does not do that, it’s simply power move after power move until he locks in the STF submission which most people tap to right away. Triple H was locked in the move for what seemed like 5 minutes before almost reversing the move, then tapping. An echo of boos were heard as Cena raises his belt with tears in his eyes. At that moment, I knew that this was the Cena era, and I could either continue to stay angry or just ignore it. I’m still ignoring it. On a minor note, I was pretty pissed when this was the main event, as I always attested that the Royal Rumble should get the main event, which since then the Royal Rumble winner has only closed out the show once. I guess seeing Rey Mysterio close this show would’ve pissed me off even more, especially with his fucking headdress.
Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan-WM3
This is one of those matches that if not for the impact it had on wrestling, I would’ve put a whole lot lower. I am not a fan of this match by any means. But this was clearly the justifying moment for WM and part of why it exists to this day. You see, it was because of this event that wrestling hit it’s absolute peak and allowed for WWF to build up a lot of smaller events such as Survivor Series and Summerslam. The one thing that pisses me off about this match is how Andre is perceived as “passing the torch” to Hogan, which is ridiculous. Andre was a big deal (no pun intended), however it was clear to almost everyone that Hogan was THE guy. Another bullshit revision is how Andre is perceived as broken down and basically done wrestling after this. Yes, Andre was in some serious pain and on the decline, but he wrestled for several more years after this, and even beat Hogan for the fucking title less than a year later. I guess I should talk about the match and the events leading up to it. It’s actually quite silly. Basically Andre was pissed off that he was thought less of by WWF because he received a smaller trophy for being “undefeated” for 15 years while Hogan got a big trophy for being champion for 3 years. Maybe he felt WWF was insinuating he had a smaller dick than Hogan, who fucking knows! Andre recruits Bobby Heenan as his manager, and while I love Bobby, did he EVER actually manage a WWF champion? What I love about this match and the actual event in general is how insane the audience is. Basically every heel that comes out is pelted with trash and even babyface Roddy Piper gets doused by a full beer earlier on. Andre comes out with Heenan and just gets pelted with all sorts of shit. You gotta wonder how much Andre wanted to kill those fuckers. I can’t really talk about the match itself to be honest. Most people remember it for Hogan slamming Andre, which was basically the only memorable spot in the match. Of course what they call “slamming” I call “picking up a 700 lb man and…OH SHIT…MY BACK…AWWWW”. I’ll give credit to Hogan for getting Andre up, but man does he suck at bringing him down. According to Hogan, Andre died the next day…BROTHER!
Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena-WM23
I’ll probably get shit from putting this so low, but this matched pissed me off so much. It wasn’t only because I knew Michaels was going to lose, but it certainly didn’t help he was going to lose to John Cena. As I pointed out before, Cena was built as THE guy of the company, and had practically beaten everyone there was to beat. The only way the fans would possibly buy him losing was if it was to an equally large babyface. The problem here was that Michaels had stated many times since his return that he did not want to be champion and that he rather make the belt look good by making it’s holder look credible. While that’s nice and all Shawn… fuck you for not snatching the belt off this piece of shit guy. Also, there wasn’t much build to this match as they majority of the build went to Vince’s hair match against Donald Trump. WHO GIVES A FUCK? The whole play on the title match was that Michaels was not to be trusted by Cena, since they were tag team champions at the time. Considering Michaels was #1 contender for the belt at WM, I think that proves enough that you couldn’t trust him. Of course Cena is a fucking idiot and spends weeks deciding whether or not he can trust Michaels. Before the match begins, we get a fan who barges in the ring. I guess the guy felt he knew that Cena was going to win so he figured screw it, I’m going to rain on his parade. Michaels waves goodbye to the guy as Cena intensely looks confused. The entire match, Michaels works on Cena’s leg, who happens to forget to sell the “injured leg” about 2/3’s of the way through. Michaels looks legit pissed because of this, and I was really fucking pissed when I watched it. How fucking hard is it to sell a fucking injury? That’s a basic rule of wrestling! Cena hulks up and proceeds to put Michaels in the STF a couple times. Like the year before, someone taps out to the STF again. I roll my eyes and try once again to ignore Cena. I will say this, this was the last Cena feud that I bothered to try to even care about.
Randy Savage vs. Ted Dibiase-WM4
Here’s another match that probably should be ranked better but isn’t. And while it’s a pretty good match, the problem I had was that this was a tournament, a very shitty tournament. A short time before this, Andre the Giant and Hogan had a match at Saturday Night’s Main Event, where shenanigans occurred and Andre ended up winning the belt. Andre could care less about being champion so he was going to sell the belt to Dibiase. Instead of maybe…LAYING DOWN for him, Andre immediately “sells” the belt to Dibiase while butchering his lines. Because of this, the title is declared vacant and we’re going to have a tournament for the belt at WM. Most of the guys in the tournament have absolutely no reason to be there, since a lot of the more popular wrestlers actually had storyline matches, so to fill the void they put guys in there like Don Muraco and Butch Reed, both of whom stood absolutely no chance of winning the damn thing. Also there were a couple BYEs due to a count out and a double DQ (which was a WM rematch of Andre and Hogan from WM3, which I actually like a lot more). So due to all this, Dibiase gets a very easy bracket and basically glides his way to the finals. Randy Savage on the other hand, is forced to wrestle several short matches, which ironically he almost had a rematch with Ricky Steamboat from the year prior. Now I wouldn’t be going through the whole goddamn PPV if it wasn’t for the fact that this tournament everything to do with the main event. And anyone with a brain knew that Savage was going to win the tournament. Savage ends up winning with the help of Hogan, (couldn’t help but hog the spotlight even more) in what was one of the shortest WM main events ever due to the fucking tournament. I cannot stress how much I hated this thing, it would’ve served much better as something to build towards several weeks beforehand and have the two finalists fight at WM. And having Savage wrestle 4 matches in one night takes away from the impact he would’ve had if it was just the one match. Anyways Savage celebrates with Hogan and Elizabeth and the Mega Powers are born, which set up a really cool storyline.
Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna-WM10
The rematch to last year’s WM. While I like this WM, I feel it has a lot more flaws than people give it credit for. You had the 2 main eventers pulling double duty, which really shows how weak your undercard is. This is the first WM to not have Hogan, and while I’m not a Hogan lover, his absence is immensely felt. Also many of the zany characters from the 80’s are gone and it almost feels like a different event to me. Once again, we get a double main event, as Yokozuna defends his belt against Lex Luger in the middle of the show. The winner of that match would face Bret Hart in the “main” main event. I always felt this was unfair to whoever won, since Bret was far fresher after opening the show. Anyways, Mr. Perfect is the ref for the Yoko/Luger and turns on Luger, so Yoko wins. In the “main” main event, we get a decent match for what it is, but not nearly as good as their match the year before. The match ends when Yokozuna collapses from exhaustion and Bret pins him. What a weak finish to an otherwise good match and a good PPV. Another problem I had is that Bret’s opening match with Owen was far better than his main event, so it kind of looks bad when you aren’t able to close the show with as much excitement. I always wondered how decent it would’ve been if we got Luger/Bret instead. Nah, babyface Luger would’ve sucked as champion.
King Kong Bundy vs. Hulk Hogan-WM2
I really like this match. I don’t know why. It’s not necessarily a great match by any means. Maybe it’s the vintage blue cage that has absolutely no give to it. This was also Hogan’s real first threat since becoming champion. Bundy was a monster up until that point and Hogan had hardly gone on the killing path. It also was one of the few matches that Hogan had that didn’t initially kill a wrestler’s momentum. Now granted, Bundy did lose a lot of momentum after this match but in the match itself he looked pretty good. If I had to complain, I guess I can say Bundy was at a disadvantage since he was a big fat motherfucker, so I couldn’t see him actually climbing the cage and winning the match. One of my favorite moments is when Bundy gets busted the fuck open, which in the cartoon wrestling mid-80’s, you didn’t see all that often. Bundy works Hogan’s damaged ribs a lot of the match. Of course, it’s Hulk fucking Hogan, so you get the hulking up and beat down. Hogan hits the leg drop and attempts to escape the cage. Shockingly, Bundy catches Hogan, but Hogan is able to maneuver away and still escape the cage allowing him to be victorious. This was actually one of the few matches on the card, that really saved the PPV. I’m never one to give props to Hogan, but I will here. Hogan continued to take on some badass challengers. Unfortunately for Bundy, he spent the next WM losing to midgets. At least he got to appear on Married With Children soon after.
Triple H vs. Chris Jericho-WM18
Poor Triple H. He always seems to get overshadowed when he is in the main event. Granted, he’s one of my favorites, he just plain seems to suck when he’s supposed to be “the face” of the company. Triple H was coming off a major injury, he suffered a torn quad almost a year before. He wasn’t the only one coming off an injury, I was recovering from serious head injuries from bashing my skull against the wall while watching the Invasion the summer prior. So Triple H comes back around the Royal Rumble to one of the biggest pops I can ever heard. And believe me, I was pumped to see him back. But let’s be honest, there’s a big difference between coming back and absolutely dominating. The problem I had most was that Chris Jericho had become Undisputed champion a few months prior and quickly had his heel heat put onto Stephanie McMahon, who was “divorcing” Triple H. Jericho was never made to look like a credible champion after this point and even resorted to cleaning up after Steph’s dog. And by the way, part of the storyline was that Triple H runs over the dog. Yeah…umm..can we just build an actual angle here? While all this shit is going down, WWF delivers big by bring back Hollywood Hulk Hogan (although I was much more excited about the return of Mr. Perfect!). He was clearly brought back as a heel however the crowd was ecstatic to see him in a WWF ring in almost 9 years. They cheered his name which instantly made people care a whole lot less about the Undisputed title match. Hogan goes on to wrestle The Rock at WM, which the fans went apeshit for. Then you get your main event; Triple H vs. Chris “pooper scooper” Jericho. And while it wasn’t a flat out terrible match, they just dragged the storyline out WAY too long and it was about as predictable as it came. And while I’m normally against not having the title match last, this is one of those times where they probably should’ve gone with Hogan. I guess they rectify their mistake when at the next PPV, Triple H (most likely begrudgingly) drops the belt to a now babyface Hogan who goes on to have a comical feud with the Undertaker.
The Undertaker vs. Edge-WM24
Again, I know I’m going to get shit for putting this so low. But let’s be honest, when you think of Wrestlemania moments, this doesn’t spring to mind, despite it being a decent match. The problem here was that this was nothing we hadn’t seen the year before. Undertaker won the Royal Rumble the year prior and proceeded to win the belt off Batista, however a lot of people were pissed off that it wasn’t the main event. So the rectify that by having Cena win the Rumble this year, but he doesn’t main event Mania. So the “Ultimate Opportunist” Edge actually holds his own very well with Taker, almost too much so. See, Edge’s gimmick is that he’s a pussy. Look at almost any of his title reigns, there’s nothing significant about them except who he loses to. Having Edge look so good against Taker, actually pissed me off more than it should have, despite actually pulling for him in the match (that’s like betting against the Harlem Globetrotters). So Undertaker wins the match with a submission, which is totally retarded. See, the Undertaker has 3 other quality finishers that are far more interesting, and when I see a big guy in the ring, I don’t expect a submission, unless it’s like a bearhug or some shit. Anyways, no one is going to remember this PPV for the main event, they’ll be remembering it for Flair’s “retirement”.
Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice-WM8
This is the first match since WM1 to not be contended for the WWF title. Either this was another stroke for Hogan’s massive ego (which was hinted at that this would be his last match) or they felt the fans truly felt that Hogan was bigger the WWF belt. I call bullshit on this. You see, the story leading up to this match was that Sid was pissed that Hogan got an automatic title shot at WM against Flair. Flair had previously won the belt at the Royal Rumble event, where Sid was the last person eliminated. However the way it went down was like this. Sid eliminated Hogan from the Rumble, which led to the crowd cheering Sid for doing it. Now whether it was a smarky crowd or if people were indeed sick of Hogan, showed that they were behind Sid. Hogan in return for being eliminated, helps Flair eliminate Sid, which garners boos from the crowd. This is later edited in all the Coliseum videos of the event, showing Hogan being cheered instead. Anyways, Sid challenges Hogan to a match at WM and the event is changed to a double main event with the other being Flair vs. Savage for the WWF title. So this is your typical Hogan match, I can’t stress if you’ve seen one 80’s Hogan match, you’ve seen them all. The finish is fucked up big time. Papa Shango misses his cue to interfere so Sid has to kick out of the legdrop, which is the wrestling equivalent to spitting in the face of baby Jesus. Sid’s manager Harvey Whippleman jumps up on the apron and helps beatdown Hogan. I have no idea why Shango decided to jump in there, it was never explained and even really resolved. Ultimate Warrior comes out of nowhere and makes the save for Hogan, in what clearly seems to set up the possibility of a rematch. Unfortunately, Warrior gets fired a few months later. I have to question why they didn’t just do Flair vs. Hogan. Clearly that was the match EVERYONE wanted for nearly a decade. That match had to wait until WCW. Vince is an idiot.
The Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid-WM13
Talk about a shit main event. These guys weren’t really in the running for the main event a few months prior. Any booker in his right mind would’ve booked Hart vs. Austin for the title, and while we got that match…it wasn’t for the belt. Instead we got this hunk of shit. Hart was champion just a month prior and lost the belt to Sid in a Fatal Fourway match. The original idea as well was to have a rematch of WM12 with Michaels losing to Bret, however Michaels had a knee injury at the time, yet one has to wonder why the fuck they didn’t just keep the belt on Bret and have Austin win it? This whole PPV sucked outside of the submission match. In fact, the best part of the main event was Bret Hart coming out and bitching and interfering. Why didn’t he get DQed? Because this match was changed to a no DQ match at the very last second. This was your basic 2 big men wrestling match, and could’ve worked pretty well if it wasn’t the main event. And if it weren’t for Hart interfering, Sid looked to win the match. At least, at the time it was nice to give Undertaker a main event victory since he was one of the few wrestlers who remained loyal to WWF at the time. Sid was gone from the company a short time later. According to Undertaker, Sid supposedly shit his tights during this match.
Hulk Hogan and Mr. T. vs. Paul Orndorff and Roddy Piper-WM1
I know this should get a pass because it was the first WM. And it’s getting a bit of a pass because I could’ve put it well lower. And it wasn’t just the main event that sucked, it was practically the entire card. Hell, they could’ve easily promoted this match as Hogan and Jimmy Snuka (who was in Hogan’s corner) instead of having Mr. T as Hogan’s partner but I digress. When you get a guy like Mr. T in the ring, you can’t expect him to wow you. And while I liked Piper, he in no way was a great wrestler and Hogan was shoddy a lot of the time. Not to mention, Piper and T and legit heat with each other at the time, so Piper would not take the fall. Bob Orton interferes and hits Orndorff in the head with his loaded arm cast. What’s retarded is that Orndorff practically had the match won when he had Hogan in a full nelson. Can anyone tell me what Orton was good for? Orton, you suck…you’ve never amounted to shit and don’t deserve your spot in the WWE HOF. What a terrible finish to a pretty boring match. They could’ve easily made this a title match or something.
Randy Orton vs. Triple H-WM25
Again, the crowd just didn’t give a shit. Granted, the build to this match was awesome. I was pumped to see it, Randy Orton was a white hot heel at the time. He was constantly just overshadowing every little thing that Triple H was doing, from punting Vince McMahon to kissing Steph’s lifeless body after he RKOed her. The crowd ate it up and was ready to see Orton finally beat Triple H despite Orton being the heel. Of course WWE fucks up. Not only should this match have not been the main event, but the result was fucking garbage. You see, you cannot top Shawn Michaels, especially when he puts on a phenomenal match with the Undertaker. And for some goddamn reason, this match looked sloppy as shit. You’d think Triple H…a guy who has been main eventing for a decade could somehow choreograph a match better, and you could almost say the same for Orton. These guys had several much better matches beforehand, but for some reason, they were WAY off this night. Not only was the finish anti-climatic (as in, what the FUCK was that?), but the wrong man clearly won. You see, in all their infinite wisdom, WWE believed that they needed to send the crowd home happy. But shouldn’t be the case since babyface John Cena won earlier in the night which was more than enough. I guess they felt Trips needed yet ANOTHER Wrestlemania moment. The crowd clearly shit all over it. Babyface Triple H sucks ass and that’s that!
Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart-WM9
This is actually a pretty decent match. I enjoyed the shit out of WM9, despite it’s obvious flaws of being gimmicky. However, unlike some future WM’s, this one still brought the big atmosphere and was truly the last “circus feel” WM since Hogan would soon leave WWF. Yokozuna at the time was an awesome heel and the first guy to win the Royal Rumble to set up a main event match at Mania. Despite all the faults of size and different styles, I believe Hart got a pretty fucking good match out of Yoko, whom would begin to deteriorate soon after. The problem with this match was the finish, Mr. Fuji (Yoko’s manager) gets in Bret’s face while he’s applying the Sharpshooter and throws salt in his eyes behind the ref’s back. Yoko proceeds to beat Bret and become the new champion. However as he beats Bret down some more, Hogan comes out to help his “buddy”. As he and Bret are walking to the back together, Fuji challenges Hogan to a match right then and there. I guess you can consider this the real main event, or the second main event, but it was never announced beforehand but I’m going to count it anyways. Bret tells Hogan that it’s ok to accept the challenge. Hogan hits the ring, ducks the salt to the eyes that Fuji throws, which accidently hits Yoko. Hogan hits the legdrop and we have yet another new champion within 2 minutes. I can understand that WWE wanted to send the crowd home happy, but it would’ve just made more sense to have Bret win. This was Bret’s first reign, and having Hogan basically snatch the glory once again, just undermined Bret’s career even though he was able to bounce back. A lot of people consider this to be the worst WM especially for this moment, but at least Hogan was done a couple months later and allowed Yoko to have a better run with the belt. And the reason why I didn’t put this as number one was because outside of the Hogan shit, this was still a pretty good match, I’d dare say it was better than their rematch a year later. Still I can accept that this as one of the stupidest WM moments ever.
The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley vs. Triple H-WM2000
Speaking of sending the crowd home happy, this is the match that decided to do the exact opposite. Without Austin around (neck surgery), WWE needed a main event that people could get excited about. First mistake, they booked a fatal four way. Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but on the basis of how it was booked. Second mistake, they booked it involving the McMahon family. This was less about the people feuding in the match, and more about the people who those wrestlers represented. Third mistake, they pissed all over the fans with the result. The big story for this one was that the McMahons were all pissed off at each other, so they decided to gain an asset in the form of a wrestler. Vince went after Rock. Linda went after Foley. Steph went after Triple H. Shane went after Big Show. Wait, Big Show? Yeah…he’s fucking winning the match~ Anyways, the match goes as predictable as it can, with Show being the first eliminated. Then Foley, who looked extremely sloppy and fucked up a major announce table shot. Finally, it comes down to Triple H and Rock. But before Rock can win, Vince turns on him and aligns himself with his daughter and her husband, and sadly, the last 10 years seem to have not changed much. The McMahons continued to overshadow a lot of good wrestling storylines from the Invasion and practically every babyface Triple H storyline. One good thing about this match was seeing the McMahons get trash thrown at them and seeing Vince get SOAKED by beer.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. L.T.-WM11
This is without a doubt, the worst Wrestlemania I have ever watched. People always complain about how cartoony WM9 was, but at least it was somewhat enjoyable for all the zaniness. This Mania had one good match and one decent moment; the WWF title match and Owen Hart announcing his partner as Yokozuna. Everything else sucked. From Dibiase dropping Undertaker’s urn about 100 times, to various sound problems, most of the matches contained people you don’t give a shit about. Wrestlemania 9 had big names, this one had big names, but in the form of celebs that were popular in 1995, sort of. The title match ends with Diesel celebrating in the ring with Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Pamela Andrerson, the latter who looked like she rather be anywhere else but there. Anyways, that wasn’t the main event, because what we got was far worse. Vince decided that the WWF should “battle” the NFL. If you’ve ever watched this PPV, as soon as the main event starts…you’re already pissed beyond all belief. The big story here was that Bam Bam Bigelow felt that LT was harassing him after he got thrown out of the Royal Rumble, this led to a confrontation. They tangled up a couple other times with LT constantly getting the upper hand. And if that wasn’t enough, the Million Dollar Corporation, which Bam Bam is part of, get’s involved. So who has LT’s back? Why a group of NFL players, most of whom I don’t really remember. The only two that stood out were Reggie White who is an obvious legend, and Mongo McMichael who would become somewhat of a legend for becoming a wrestler in WCW and looking like shit. Before the event, the NFL guys all cut promos on each member of the Million Dollar Corporation, which again makes the WWF wrestlers look like chumps for having to be the bad guys in this charade. Anyways, the match is finally underway as we’re introduced to about a dozen guys. Bam Bam does everything he can to make LT look good, and he does a decent job. Granted, LT wasn’t wrestling a great match, but it wasn’t outright awful. But again, this is the biggest event of the year and the biggest match on the card, and THIS is what you’re going to give to the fans? The whole time, the NFL guys are kicking the shit out the MDC guys, which added to the clusterfuck of this match. I don’t think 2 minutes of this match goes by without something stupid happening on the outside, which is the last thing you want to bring attention to the fans. Anyways, LT finally garners the ability to get up the second ring rope and perform a shitty ariel maneuver. Poor Bam Bam lays down for the 3 count. Immediately following the match, Dibiase scolds Bam Bam on losing to a football player, which I have to agree. In fact, Dibiase should’ve been yelling that to Vince. I mean Jesus Christ, way to put over your own fucking product. Not only did you show the world that any retired athlete could jump in the ring and hold his own against a world class wrestler, but not only to beat him, but to literally make your opposition look good. The NFL always takes large numbers away from WWF whenever the season started, and by allowing this, you make them look like the superior product hands down. Also Bam Bam was gone from the company within a short while after being promised a main event push resulted in nothing. He proceeded to go to ECW where he put on some classic matches.
Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter-WM7
Christ, I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I’ll start off by saying Wrestlemania 7 is a fantastic show with a couple exceptions, in fact it’s one of my favorite WM’s. However this main event was so fucking beyond retarded. This was the most one sided feud I can ever recall. Every fucking person in the world knew who was going to win. First off we have Hulk Hogan, who has proven himself time and time again. A man who has been involved in every WM main event since the beginning. A man we know has the will to never give up and let the people down. A man that loves his country and loves his fans. His opponent? A guy who turned his back on his country because he felt they were going soft. The whole idea played off some of the most pathetic patriotism I have ever seen. Sgt. Slaughter decided that the United States was shit because it opened it’s arms Nikolai Volkoff, who now embraced the USA. So Sgt. Slaughter wanted Volkoff to continue to sing the Russian National Anthem in the ring? He wanted Volkoff to embrace America, but not have America embrace him? I don’t get Slaughter’s logic here. Also keep in mind, I have no problem with Slaughter the wrestler or the character, in fact I would’ve had no problem with him being champion, outside of this shitty heel character that made no sense. To make matters worse, Slaughter aligned himself with Iraq, because genocide of Kurds was cool. I still can’t understand how turning your back on America, automatically means you love their enemies. It also proves Slaughter was a retard since the last thing you want to do if you’re a spy or sympathizer is give yourself away while your comrades are getting their asses kicked. Slaughter at one time was the second biggest baby face in the WWF, and after pulling this shit, his career never recovered. I could name basically any other heel on the roster that would’ve been a cooler villain for Hogan to take on, not this chump. Hell, I would’ve been more pumped for Slaughter vs. Hogan with the notion that Slaughter was upset at Hogan for representing the worst of America, which would allow him to remain patriotic but bitter. Besides, it’s not like Hogan’s onscreen douchery wasn’t misrepresented before, almost every feud he had was the result of jealousy, so it would’ve made more sense. And I mean while LT vs. Bam Bam Bigelow was a stupid idea, at least it made more sense than this did. Anyways, part of why this whole thing went down was because WWF didn’t feel Ultimate Warrior was cutting it as champ. There are stories about how he and Vince clashed back stage as well as a steady dip in popularity. Instead of possibly doing more damage by having a rematch between Warrior and Hogan, they decided to put the belt on a dastardly heel like Slaughter. Before the Wrestlemania match, Slaughter delivers one of the most pathetic cartoony promos of all time, basically saying he can retain the belt in all sorts of ways such as getting DQed or walking out. Whatever. The match itself is your basic Hogan beat down, comeback, leg drop and such. Hogan wins. Of course he would fucking win. Only a goddamn idiot would think otherwise. I cannot possibly believe that there was a person alive that believed that Slaughter was walking out as champion. Not a person. And that’s another problem, how many times can you tell the same story of Hogan in the ring? This was easily the most halfassed in my opinion. A few months later, Slaughter begs to have his country back. I guess we can forgive the whole aligning yourself with the enemy we’re fighting at war if you’re truly sorry.
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