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The Opponent
Title: Forum Battle WINNER
Joined: Feb 24 2010
Location: The Danger Zone
Posts: 3495
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That's actually the story he's going with.
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Jacoby Laquan Smith says he will turn himself in to St. Paul police this week for what must be the most unmanly crime on record: domestically abusing his armless, legless girlfriend.
Smith allegedly punched Tiesha Bell in the face 10 times during the March 22 incident and faces a misdemeanor fifth degree assault charge and a gross misdemeanor for interfering with a 911 call.
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He turned on the TV and Bell got mad, he says. She punched him in the groin with her deadly nub and then proceeded to dowse him in urine from a bed pan.
Yes, after being cuckolded by the quadruple amputee, she gave him a golden shower.
So you see, your honor, Smith punched the quadruple amputee in self-defense. He rests his case. |
You'd think he would have learned something about defensive maneuvers after those first four assault charges.
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 I'm not a bad enough dude, but I am an edgy little shit. I'll do what I can. |
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
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Hey, quadrapaligics can do nasty stuff. I've seen The Oblongs.
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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Seems like it would have been easier to pin her to the ground with his foot and taunt her incessantly.
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The Opponent
Title: Forum Battle WINNER
Joined: Feb 24 2010
Location: The Danger Zone
Posts: 3495
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I was thinking that too. Was it really necessary to punch her out ten times? A restraint like that might have gotten him in less trouble.
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I'm not a bad enough dude, but I am an edgy little shit. I'll do what I can. |
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Slayer1
Title: ,,!,, for you know who
Joined: Sep 23 2008
Posts: 4274
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| Quote: |
He turned on the TV and Bell got mad, he says. She punched him in the groin with her deadly nub and then proceeded to dowse him in urine from a bed pan.
Yes, after being cuckolded by the quadruple amputee, she gave him a golden shower. |
Uh... if this doesn't seal a relationship, nothing will
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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If your quadriplegic girlfriend beats you up, you may have poor reflexes.
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16136
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lol wow. i wouldve just locked the door and taunted her.
or maybe get on a high chair.
or just scratch my ear and ask her if she can do the same thing
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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GPFontaine
Joined: Dec 06 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 11244
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She is the one with the throwing stars.
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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After she hit me and dumped pee on me I'd tell her to have fun figuring out how to wipe her own ass from now on, because she'd be cut the fuck off.
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FNJ
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Joined: Jun 07 2006
Posts: 12294
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you never fail to make me laugh, blackout.
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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This article got me to thinking, are nub jobs feasible, and if so, are they deadly?
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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How'd she throw the bed pan in the first place? Did she use her mouth?
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Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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| sidewaydriver wrote: |
| How'd she throw the bed pan in the first place? Did she use her mouth? |
I was gonna start google image searching for some example pics, but no, never mind.
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Milhouse
Joined: Dec 19 2008
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 485
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You see, they lost the love. He used to enjoy walks on the beach, but she was a drag.
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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| Milhouse wrote: |
| You see, they lost the love. He used to enjoy walks on the beach, but she was a drag. |
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
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Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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| Milhouse wrote: |
| You see, they lost the love. He used to enjoy walks on the beach, but she was a drag. |
Milhouse wins, HILARITY!
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Ice2SeeYou
Title: Sexual Tyrannosaurus
Joined: Sep 28 2008
Location: South of Heaven
Posts: 1761
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I was once engaged to a girl with a wooden leg, but I had to break it off.
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Sydlexia.com - Where miserable bastards meet to call each other retards. |
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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| Ice2SeeYou wrote: |
| I was once engaged to a girl with a wooden leg, but I had to break it off. |
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Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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Milhouse
Joined: Dec 19 2008
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 485
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If you say her name was Peg, I'm leaving...
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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Black guys beat their quadruple amputee girlfriends like this, but white guys beat their quadruple amputee girlfriends like this!
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Cameron
Title: :O � O:
Joined: Feb 01 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 4637
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Why did I immediately think of Plok when I read this?
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16136
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lol i love how all of us have such a fucked up sense of humor
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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Doddsino
Joined: Oct 01 2009
Posts: 5316
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Reminds me of an old joke my dad told me that his dad taught him; Several boys go over to this kid's house and knock on the door. The mother answers and she asks what they want. The lead boy answers "Can Billy come out? We wanted to play baseball." The mother answers "You know Billy doesn't have any arms or legs". The boy answers "We know, we wanted to use him for second base."
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LowEndLem
Title: Not Gay
Joined: Mar 19 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 966
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I just like how one of the tags in the story is "Nubs of Death"
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<docinsano>i beat off using save states
<Tako> But, brontosaurs ate plants. It wouldn't be a threat to Jesus.
Why? Fuck you, that's why. |
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