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Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

I found this while going through some jokes on a website
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BEING A MAN
Great things about being a man!!

A five day holiday requires one overnight bag

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

Queues for the bathroom don't exist

You can open all your own jars.

When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of someone crying.

You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

You never have to clean a toilet.

You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that they forgot to invite you. It doesn't mean that they hate you, and he or she can still be your friend.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

Biological clock? What's that?

Chocolate is just another snack.

Flowers fix everything.

You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

Reverse parking is easy.

Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows.

Michael Bolton does not exist in your universe.

You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming by.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut.

You can quietly watch a game on TV with a buddy for hours without ever thinking he's mad at you.

One mood, all the time.

Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

The remote control is yours and yours alone.

You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends and they won't try and work out what the problem is.

Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it.

Dieting involves getting regular sized fries with your burger.

You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so...,notice anything different?"

Life is sweet.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 12:37 pm

Aren't you 12 or 13? What do you know about being a man? Or most of the things on that list? Gray hair and wrinkles? Queues? What the hell? Do you even know what that means?

Posted: Jan 06 2009 01:33 pm

Definitely agree about the biological clock. That thing has ruined too many lives.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 01:33 pm

Wow, so the 12 year old kid has discovered that men and women are different. Did you also know that men have a penis and women have a vagina?

#edit: I suppose I did read this exact same thing when I was like 12, but I didn't think it was so fucking incredible that I had to share it with a forum of adults.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 01:39 pm

Dr. Jeebus wrote:

Wow, so the 12 year old kid has discovered that men and women are different. Did you also know that men have a penis and women have a vagina?

Hey, hey HEY!
Spoiler Alert!

Posted: Jan 06 2009 01:45 pm

Hahaha, that made me chuckle, Lottel's comment that is.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 01:46 pm

Lottel wrote:

Dr. Jeebus wrote:

Wow, so the 12 year old kid has discovered that men and women are different. Did you also know that men have a penis and women have a vagina?

Hey, hey HEY!
Spoiler Alert!

SPOILER*******

It wasn't a toomah.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 04:36 pm

I think hacker has taken the lead over Mega.

UsaSatsui's Youtube Channel · Posted: Jan 06 2009 06:09 pm

You must be swift as the coursing river
With all the force of a great typhoon
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 06:23 pm

This is the first and last time I'm going to say this.
Quit blasting hacker just because its hacker. If Syd posted something like this you guys would be sucking his virtual cock right now. Hell if anyone but hacker posted this you guys would think completely different. Blasting him about his age? Do we even know his age? Come on guys we are better then this...

UsaSatsui's Youtube Channel · Posted: Jan 06 2009 06:33 pm

Douche McCallister wrote:

This is the first and last time I'm going to say this.
Quit blasting hacker just because its hacker. If Syd posted something like this you guys would be sucking his virtual cock right now. Hell if anyone but hacker posted this you guys would think completely different. Blasting him about his age? Do we even know his age? Come on guys we are better then this...

I agree with you on not ripping the guy just for being him, but I call bullshit on the rest. Stupidity is stupidity, no matter who posts it. I'd think the same thing no matter who posted it. And of course the reaction is gonna be different for the guy who runs the place than it is for someone else. You may not find something funny, but you'll sure as hell laugh when your boss says it.

For the record, I don't think this is "stupidity". It's more...inane than anything. Inane is fine with me.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 07:30 pm

My issue here is that he's going to scare away the very few potential female members...

Posted: Jan 06 2009 07:32 pm

ross_rifle113 wrote:

My issue here is that he's going to scare away the very few potential female members...

My issue here is that people are going to scare off potential posters by having to worry about being blasted like this.
The only females that would most honestly stay in this environment are the tomboy kind.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 07:36 pm

Funny, douche.

Nah. I do not want hacker to leave. Just think a little before he posts. Or not. I have fun razzing him.

Edit: Razzing? Is that what kids these days call it?

Posted: Jan 06 2009 07:38 pm

You present a really good point there Douche.

hacker to me, much like M3GA MAN, is like a younger cousin. You see him at family gatherings and stuff, and he definitely looks up to you and wants to hang out, but he's kind of annoying. Either way though, the little guy still has some redeeming qualities and spending some time with him isn't SO bad.

Joined: Aug 24 2005 Location: Mount Holly, NJ Posts: 1062

Ignoring dumbass posts works fine for me. Although I agree with Douche to some extent, I also think that calling out dumb posts for being dumb posts acts as a kind of... I don't know... immune system for the forums.

hacker is in his full right to post whatever he wants. But I also think that everyone else is in the full right to call it out as being stupid if they believe it to be so. As for my recommendation, if hacker (or anyone else for that matter) posts something retarded, just skip over it. Personally, I don't find hacker's posts to be particularly interesting, but am always amazed that there's so many replies to them.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 08:54 pm

Well, I think that it may get to a point where, it wont matter what he says, he'll get called out on anyway. I guess its kind of one of those instances where digging the grave deeper? I dont know.

Title: Naunie Joined: Dec 07 2008 Posts: 1026

What is a man?
Just a pile of lies.
Now have at you!

Posted: Jan 06 2009 09:26 pm

Douche McCallister wrote:

This is the first and last time I'm going to say this.
Quit blasting hacker just because its hacker. If Syd posted something like this you guys would be sucking his virtual cock right now. Hell if anyone but hacker posted this you guys would think completely different. Blasting him about his age? Do we even know his age? Come on guys we are better then this...

I disagree. If Syd posted it, yeah that'd happen. If anyone else posted it, the thread would most likely go ignored, or maybe one or two people would call it out for being stupid. It's worse because of who he is, but that doesn't make it undeserved.

As for scaring away potential members, that's something I worry about and I try to look for stuff that would do that (There's a rather epic thread that's now in the nWo because I couldn't let it sit at the top of the general message board, in fact). However, if people see that this is how we react to people posting chain e-mails on the boards and get scared away, do we want them here? Do we really need a dozen new members copying and pasting every dumb thing they get in their spam folder onto the boards?

Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

Douche McCallister wrote:

This is the first and last time I'm going to say this.
Quit blasting hacker just because its hacker. If Syd posted something like this you guys would be sucking his virtual cock right now. Hell if anyone but hacker posted this you guys would think completely different. Blasting him about his age? Do we even know his age? Come on guys we are better then this...

Thanks douche

About my age I am 15 turning 16 on the 15th of January

Posted: Jan 06 2009 09:55 pm

I didn't even notice it was hacker until after I saw you guys blasting him. I don't think it was called for on this particular thread. I did get a laugh out of "Dieting involves getting regular sized fries with your burger." only because yesterday I seriously did that.

Title: Titlating Joined: Dec 17 2007 Posts: 5042

Yeah I think the main issue with younger or newer posters we will call them out on inane or dumb posts but with older ones we would probably just ignore the post all together

Posted: Jan 06 2009 10:16 pm

The thing is some people actually get along with hacker. While I can't defend most of his posts for being good or well thought out, I can defend him as a forum member, and while some people may not like him No where in the rules of the forum does it say, if you post something stupid you will be flamed and called a twelve year old.

I'm sure he didn't post this hoping to get this kind of reaction from people, but when the very first post is an attack on him, followed by another shortly thereafter something must be said. If he's as bad as most people say why is he still here? If people are going to attack him for no reason you might as well ban him for no reason.

Also I know this is a chain mail or what not, your missing my point. Just because it's a chian mail doesn't mean that outsiders don't read the topic and think we are uptight, over critical pricks. That's what differentiates this forum community from the others with their troll infestions.

EDIT: I'm not saying don't call the topic dumb if it warrants it but don't attack the poster, hoping they will learn a lesson or something.

Joined: Dec 06 2007 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11244

hacker wrote:

I found this while going through some jokes on a website
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BEING A MAN
Great things about being a man!!

A five day holiday requires one overnight bag
Yeah... usually true.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Bullshit. Guys chit chat just like girls. Perhaps just not as often.

Queues for the bathroom don't exist
Ever been to a baseball game during the 7 inning stretch?

You can open all your own jars.
Yeah with one of those rubber things we don't tell the girls about.

When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of someone crying.
Just the ones with guns blazing or boobs.

You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around.
Just a back pocket full of it

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Thank god for mens' bathroom rules.

When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you.
Wrong, we assume that everyone already hated us and just accept it. Fuck them.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
This may have been true in the 50's but in this decade, if you are a douche, you will be treated like it.

You never have to clean a toilet.
If you want to ever have a girl, you will clean the fucking toilet, you filthy animal.

You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
Fuck that, I take my time. Showers = relaxing.

You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week.
meh... I fucking hate laundry

Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You are an idiot.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that they forgot to invite you. It doesn't mean that they hate you, and he or she can still be your friend.
Didn't we go over this?

You don't have to shave below your neck.
This is debatable. We wouldn't want sex to turn into jungle warfare now would we?

None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
One of my co-workers is 6'6". He could totally break my arms off.

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
Thank fucking god.

If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
Not 34 yet, and not single... WIN!

Biological clock? What's that?
You will figure it out. Rather, you will hear about other people figuring it out. You may not have one, but you sure as fuck will deal with one.

Chocolate is just another snack.
A damn good one!

Flowers fix everything.
They make people sneeze... especially my mother-in-law

You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
Fucking stupid.

Reverse parking is easy.
What the fuck is reverse parking? Parallel parking? Yeah... no prob.

Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows.
What else would it be?

Michael Bolton does not exist in your universe.
Office Space. You should know about Michael Bolton.

You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming by.
huh?

Car mechanics tell you the truth.
No, they don't. But I fucking yell at them and get discounts when I catch them ripping me off. Which I do.

You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut.
Why the fuck would I ever cut my hair... Oh wait... because other people tell me to. So I do care.

You can quietly watch a game on TV with a buddy for hours without ever thinking he's mad at you.
I don't understand... So what?

One mood, all the time.
OCD + ADD = Fucked up head.

Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wait until you get your first gray hair. Then you tell me it's cool. Fuck you.

The remote control is yours and yours alone.
If you like fighting.

You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
Wow, my mom has OCD too... our relationship is all kinds of complicated. I have mommy issues.

If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends and they won't try and work out what the problem is.
True.

Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it.
What the fuck? I'm gonna be rich. When I am, I'll enjoy the good life, which includes my wife.

Dieting involves getting regular sized fries with your burger.
My fucking fat stomach says that I need to lose some lbs. I am working on it. I am avoiding both of the aforementioned foods.

You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
that is what a calendar is for. Still I don't usually get in touch with them anyways.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so...,notice anything different?"
huh?

Life is sweet.
Yeah it is. But this list is dumb.

Posted: Jan 06 2009 10:51 pm

Douche McCallister wrote:

The thing is some people actually get along with hacker. While I can't defend most of his posts for being good or well thought out, I can defend him as a forum member, and while some people may not like him No where in the rules of the forum does it say, if you post something stupid you will be flamed and called a twelve year old.

I'm sure he didn't post this hoping to get this kind of reaction from people, but when the very first post is an attack on him, followed by another shortly thereafter something must be said. If he's as bad as most people say why is he still here? If people are going to attack him for no reason you might as well ban him for no reason.

Also I know this is a chain mail or what not, your missing my point. Just because it's a chain mail doesn't mean that outsiders don't read the topic and think we are uptight, over critical pricks. That's what differentiates this forum community from the others with their troll infections.

EDIT: I'm not saying don't call the topic dumb if it warrants it but don't attack the poster, hoping they will learn a lesson or something.

Hey, hey. He is well within his rights and so am I. I do not have a problem with him. If hacker sincerely hates me bugging him, all he has to do is say so and I'll leave him be.