hahahaha. that whole paragraph about the sausage had me literally LOLing.

"The next food we're going to take a look at was my favorite of the bunch. Sausage has a new face, and it's not unlike the current face of what dogs leave on your front lawn. Makes you wonder if Swanson's assembly line includes a few specially trained apes who run around the belt shitting in the trays at timed intervals. And tear down my theory all you want - ape shit probably isn't any more disgusting to eat than whatever these sausages are composed of. I think it's safe to say that we're not getting any of the more choice cuts with these. This company is even less wasteful than the fabled Native Americans of yesteryear. Even the Indians stopped before using the rim of flesh trimming the buffalo's exhaust pipe. Swanson had no misgivings."