Why are you reading this when you aren't going to respond? You're all so mean!

*cries*




So I was digging through my attic a while back looking for my Rocky Balboa figure I stashed in the heaps of crap I own. I got the damn thing while I worked at Toys R Us, and since it was a toy, I figured I would put it with my other toys when I moved away from home. Well, despite the fact that I thought I knew where I put it, I couldn't find it, so box after box I looked and came across a lot of cool stuff from when I was a kid, specifically one of my favorite Happy Meal toys, well 2 of them.



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These were the Muppet Workshop characters. Now while I said I had 2 of them, I originally had all 4. I believe I got rid of 2 of them in a garage sale, so I ended up going on Ebay and getting the other 2 I originally had. Much like the McNugget buddies, these were promoted as the sort of toys you could mix and match. You could make ALL SORTS OF ZANY CHARACTERS! The original toy I recieved was completely by random basically. You see, I was 10 at the time these things came out, and when you're 10 (at least when I was 10), it's not really cool to order Happy Meals anymore. And while I wasn't impressed by the tagline of mix and matching them, I did like the design of the characters themselves, I mean they're pretty simple overall, but they were still cool.



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Up first we have Bird. Bird is named Bird because he is a bird, simple enough I guess, but it would've been nice if they were more creative such as Canary or Dodo or some shit. Anyways, Bird was the first toy I recieved. Basically back in the day from what I remember, if there were 4 toys to a line, McDonalds would do one toy and week, then do a new one. Bird was #1 according to the packaging so as such, he was the first one released. I never really liked Bird that much and was actually one of the two toys I got rid of in a garage sale. Bird comes with a red hat that has a small picture of Kermit the Frog on the front and the peg to hold the hat on is very loose and close to breaking. He also comes with a novelty bowtie, which is the gayest accessory of them all. The new Bird I own, also has a very loose jaw.



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Next is Dog. Jesus Christ! Dog? Another stupid name. How bout Fleabag or Rover? Anyways, Dog is one of the two characters I actually kept and the second figure I recieved. Dog reminds me a lot of Scooter from the actual Muppets, which actually sort of saddens me since Scooter has basically gotten the rotten treatment in a lot of the newer adaptations of the Muppet movies. Instead of giving Dog a hat, he's given a large chicken to wear on his head. I tried the same thing a few years ago with a real chicken, which was not a very good idea. The second accessory is one of those journalism cameras you always see in those 1930's gangster movies when they're snapping photos of dead Italians. What's cool about the camera is it has two pegs, which allows you to actually place the camera on someone's head if you wanted.



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The third toy is Monster. Monster sort of looks like a cross between a cat and a kangaroo and is also the weakest of the 4 figures for 2 reasons. #1. She's a girl and #2. The accessories suck. Also despite being the third figure to come out, I had a very difficult time tracking this one down. Basically in my area, Dog ran for 2 weeks and then it skipped this one and went right to the 4th figure. I remember torturing my dad to drive all over town to find this fucking thing, which I had done before with other toys. Finally, I recieved one, however like the Bird figure I have now, the original Monster had a loose jaw. It's a damn shame I got rid of the original Bird and Monster since I'd much rather have Monster with the loose jaw than Bird....since she's a girl. Anyways, the accessories are some sort of nomadic hat and a teddy bear that looks like it was ripped off of Garfield. Neither is that impressive and only slightly better than Bird's bowtie.



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The fourth and best figure was What-Not. So they finally decided to be creative? I guess naming him Mexican would've been offensive. What-Not was the reason I wanted to get these, in fact if I had recieved What-Not first, I doubt I would've tried to get the others. Maybe it's the fact I liked offensive stereotypes. Who knows? But I recieved this guy before I got Monster, and I'm sure if I knew my Monster would've been defective, I probably wouldn't stopped ordering Happy Meals as well. My only complaint about this figure is that it could've used a little color on the body. See, while both Bird and Monster were basically fine, both Dog and What-Not were wearing apparel. Dog wore a collar and What-Not wore a pair of heart boxers that were the craze of the 1980's and early 90's. This would've been a huge step up if they decided to paint these, but I guess they figured it wasn't worth it. Anyways Mexican...I mean What-Not comes with a cowboy hat (which I mistook for a sombrero as a kid) which has a small version of the chicken on the front. I usually turned the hat around as a kid since that chicken was pretty stupid, they should've put a fajita or something else Mexican. And our What-Not wouldn't be much of a Marachi member if he didn't have his trusty guitar to peddle strangers on the street for nickels. Playing with these guys now, I almost want to pretend he's a Mexican Jeff Jarrett and start smashing people in the head with it.



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As I said before, the idea behind these things was the idea that you could mix and match them. And while you could make them look kind of cool, you couldn't really do anything really creative like you could with the McNugget buddies. One of the bigger pains of this is the fact that both Bird and Monster have long faces that just don't look good on the other bodies. Also the fact that mixing any of these doesn't make them any more random than when you first get them. I could do better things without really mixing and matching.



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Here we see What-Not and Bird performing some snowball action as Dog innocently looks on in the background. Monster appears to be eating one of those McNuggets before they were 100% white meat.

And there you have it. The last Happy Meal toys I ever got. There was always something really cool about collecting as a kid, maybe it was an 80's and 90's thing or a kid's thing. Nothing like opening your cardboard box and finding a nice warm toy inside, tearing open the packaging and getting french fry grease all over your new plastic friend. I might be doing a few other reviews in the future, specifically the Bonkers Crash Apart cars from Burger King. Anyways hope you enjoyed the walk down memory lane.


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