SydLexia.com - The Forums :: View topic - In loving memory of Raymond Scott "Hacker" Bishop

Posted: Dec 10 2014 09:00 pm

We all have different ways of coping. I remember at my grandfather's wake, my uncle and I had a lengthy discussion about Seinfeld.

Joined: Oct 19 2009 Location: Nashville, TN Posts: 1479

Syd Lexia wrote:

We all have different ways of coping. I remember at my grandfather's wake, my uncle and I had a lengthy discussion about Seinfeld.

When my grandmother died, my cousin and I wound up building MtG decks using cards we'd had since childhood and playing until almost five in the morning. Definitely not what I expected to do.

Posted: Dec 10 2014 10:31 pm

I will miss Hacker. Admittedly he pissed me off quite a lot, but we also PMed frequently and I had a lot of profound, rewarding conversations with him. He's been through a lot in the past few years, and I know he felt (justifiably) overwhelmed by his life circumstances. I'm sad to see that his sorrow overtook him. Sad

I hope he's in a better place now, at least, where he can find the tranquility he didn't find in life.

Posted: Dec 11 2014 04:47 am

I... I'm not totally sure what to say. Most of what I can think of has been said multiple times already, but still, he was a great kid, and this is pretty hard for me to take in.

Rest in peace, buddy. Maybe we'll win the next forum battle.

Posted: Dec 11 2014 12:57 pm

This seems so unreal. I only started coming by here this year, so I hate that I couldn't have gotten to know Hacker well enough to be a shoulder for him to lean on. This day sucks now.

I really hope it's not true, but if it is... is there some way we can reach out to the family and offer some support, either by donation or some other means?

Joined: Oct 19 2009 Location: Nashville, TN Posts: 1479

Unfortunately it is true, Vaporman. I read his death notice in his local paper's website yesterday. Such a tragedy.

Posted: Dec 11 2014 03:26 pm

I heard from Woodzy a couple days ago and honestly I'm still at a bit of a loss. I mean, I haven't been here for 2 years, argued or yelled at Hack in IRC multiple times, and I just don't know. He was here, now he's gone, and the thing that always comes to mind is him making a custom sig for me a few years ago when I was super depressed. And I just feel like shit not being able to at least have tried to help him in some way. I dunno, I'm just rambling at this point, it's my own dumb way of coping. I'll miss you, bud. Hope you find some peace in whatever's past this life.

Title: Miss Madness 99 Joined: Sep 09 2012 Posts: 222

So Im guessing everyone has ruled out that pet semetary next to Judd Crandall's house?

Joined: May 22 2008 Location: Goshen, VA Posts: 6544

It was cute at first, Ermac, now you're just coming across as a 15 year old. Learn when to give it a rest.

Title: Miss Madness 99 Joined: Sep 09 2012 Posts: 222

fair enough

UsaSatsui's Youtube Channel · Posted: Dec 11 2014 08:00 pm

Joined: Oct 01 2009 Posts: 5316

Goodbye Hack. You may not have realized it, but you touched many lives here and left a lasting impression that gave many here a reason to enjoy this place. The outpouring support from people who either hardly post here or don't post here anymore shows what kind of a person you were. I know we teased you at times about something you posted, but believe me we did it because we liked you, there was never any malice from most people, you were part of our team and we loved having you here. I'm sorry that you found little to live for, but I sincerely hope that you find everlasting happiness in Heaven. Godspeed, my friend.

Posted: Dec 11 2014 10:23 pm

Just my speculation but I wonder if he was drunk at the time. Just can't wrap my head around him doing it if he was thinking clearly.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 12:55 am

This and my seasonal affective disorder is really doing my head in. I worked for a suicide helpline for two years in my late teens as a public service project for my high school. I should've been able to pick up on some of the signs, or at least checked the forums more often. As for alcohol, I can't speculate, but depressants can definitely hurt an already bad situation. No matter what, it's a shame, and wherever you are, Hacker, I hope it's better than where you were.

Joined: Oct 19 2009 Location: Nashville, TN Posts: 1479

Gosh, looking at the picture is like a punch in the gut. So young!

It's so tough not to keep thinking about what might have happened if we'd seen his post sooner, or called at just the right time. If I had known he was in such a bad spot, I'd have paid that kid's fucking rent for him. What a stupid tragedy. So avoidable.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 01:26 am

Seeing that reminds me of when he mentioned his guns that he might pawn. Wondering what happened with those guns is getting to me.

And he definitely looks like a kid. Which is makes it worse. Like never gave himself a chance.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 01:46 am

I still look like a kid and I'm pushing 30.

On topic, does anyone know what method he used?

Posted: Dec 12 2014 02:32 am

Damn, truly sad. He was a kid. I'm old enough to be his father. I mean sort of. I got my driver's license the year he was born.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 03:38 am

So I decided to take another occasional look at this site and this happens. Oh dear.

I was not expecting this at all. When I first started reading this thread I thought "please let this be a tasteless joke or at least a cry for help".

Rest in peace, Hacker.

sidewaydriver wrote:

Just my speculation but I wonder if he was drunk at the time. Just can't wrap my head around him doing it if he was thinking clearly.

I feel the same way, though I can't really be sure since I haven't really been in regular contact with this community for quite some time.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 10:02 am

Thank you for posting that Usa. And BDB, I thought the same thing. The most heart-wrenching for me is that when I was 19-20, I was in a very similar place. Then I met my now-wife. Life could not be better and it just breaks me to think of how much my life completely changed for the better in a few short years, and how that have happened for Scotty. Ugh.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 11:41 am

I can understand why older people feel like they have no choice. They think about how they have already lost so much time and given their all. Life almost certainly will get better anyway. But I understand it.

But, damn. This young! You haven't even started! I'm sorry if this comes off like I'm judging him. It just kills me.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 12:15 pm

Life can be especially frustrating when you're young. Especially when you're in the 21-25 range. People you know are graduating college, and if you didn't go, or took longer than average to graduate, you can feel pressured. You start to question every choice they're ever made and fall part. Some people double down on their choices. Some people change course midstream and work twice as hard to catch up. But we're all wired differently. What some people see as a challenge, other see as a hopeless void.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 02:45 pm

Yeah, life after high school until 25 can be a shitty time for many young people. If I was not overseas in the military I might not be here today. I was lucky to meet some great people who have been there for me in those dark times and the ones that followed. Even at 30 years old I still have a friend who seems to be on the brink. When you look back from 30 and don't see many accomplishments you can feel really shitty about where your life is heading. I spent a lot of my summer supporting that friend and I am continuing to do so.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 04:01 pm

I can definitely understand that stuff. I guess it just makes me sick to think about it. It's a terrible shame that someone should feel so lost.

Posted: Dec 12 2014 10:23 pm

I haven't posted here much in recent years, but I saw the news on facebook and wanted to stop by.

I had some back and forth with Hacker in various threads here over the years, and he always struck me as a rather upbeat kid. He always seemed eager to answer questions about things he knew about, or just to offer opinions or advice about anything else that was under discussion. He seemed like a bright kid.

I had a son of my own this past year, and the thought of him ever being so unhappy that he felt the need to end his life is just too horrific to even ponder. I can't imagine the pain his family must be going through now. I wish them the best as they suffer through this horrible time.

Reading through this thread, I find it heartening that so many of the old members have turned out to pay their respects, or at least chime in in their own way. I've been a member here since 2005 (previously under a different name), and it brings back memories of all the cool people I used to talk with here. In the face of this tragedy, it's good to see that most everyone else is still around, safe and hopefully happy.