Fun With Search Engines #27: Subtitles Are Teh Suck.

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 7:32 pm

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search engines, the recurring site report where I do a rundown of some of the keywords that site visitors typed into various search engines. None of these, no matter how stupid or bizarre they may seem, have been faked by me; I have *slightly* better things to do with my time. This FWSE report covers the week starting 7/17 and ending 7/23. Enjoy!

1. drinking old soda - Drinking old soda is a lot like teenage suicide. (Don’t do it!)

2. the real super mario bros three - Nice try, but Super Mario Bros. 2 is the only Mario game to have significantly different releases in the US and Japan. There is but one game called Super Mario Bros. 3 and Muhammad is its prophet. Or something like that.

3. turn them into a baby - That’s not a complete sentence or even complete thought. Turn WHO into a baby? I want to know. I hope this isn’t part of some stupid Wiccan incantation or some shit like that. I fucking hate Wiccans.

4. sydlexia dissect - Is that a threat? IS THAT A FUCKING THREAT!? Don’t mess with me, junior. I will kick your ass so hard that it flies up through your stomach into your head and explodes. Then you’ll be dead & smelly and no one will go to your funeral. Ha.

5. will kids incorporated ever be released on dvd? - With any luck, no. There are much better things can and should be released on DVD instead. Things that people like me would actually buy. Things like The State. Things like The Monster Squad.

6. best music videos ever - Maybe someday I’ll do that list, but it probably won’t be anytime soon. Until then, you’ll have to find someone else to tell you what’s cool and what isn’t. Or you could think for yourself. Just a thought.

7. did disturbed do a song about metroid - No. Some jackass using the pseudonymn Disturbed did a cover of the Kraid theme from the original NES Metroid game. It’s a decent track, but the fucker either didn’t realize that there’s a popular rock band called Disturbed or he hoped the confusion caused by using the same name would garner him additional attention. I guess it has. Perhaps the real Disturbed will turn up the soundtrack for next year’s Metroid movie. Of course, Nine Inch Nails would be a much better choice because Trent Reznor is better at atmospheric music and he’s a fan of the franchise.
That’s all. Go back to your homes.


  • Posted by S. McCracken on July 27th, 2005 at 9:23 am  

    If I had to guess I’d say the “turn them into a baby” search was perhaps for Babalities from Mortal Kombat. I have often spoken a similar incantation “Turn them into a babe” that never seems to work. I also chant “San Diego” a lot, which in German means “a whale’s vagina”.

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on July 27th, 2005 at 3:56 pm  

    That was my first thought and the MK page did come up as a result of that search, so that’s not a bad thought. But still, if you were searching for something Mortal Kombat related, why wouldn’t you include the words Mortal Kombat in your fucking search? At the very least, it should have included the phrase video game.

  • Posted by Tebor on July 28th, 2005 at 12:54 am  

    I can tell you what won’t be on the “Best Music Videos Ever” special on VH-1. David Fincher’s CG video about iTunes… or coffee… or something. I can also tell you what will be on it: The Goonies music video.

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on July 28th, 2005 at 6:14 am  

    Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough!

    I have a love/hate relationship with David Fincher. The guy did direct Fight Club, Se7en and Aerosmith’s “Janie’s Got A Gun” video, but he also directed Alien 3: EVERYONE FUCKING DIES. Hell, they killed off Newt in the first few minutes, the fucking bastards.

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