Fun With Search Engines #21: Live And Legal

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 11:37 pm

      It is again time for Fun With Search Engines. What is FWSE? It’s a weekly report where I complain about various searches that make me want to break my computer. These are all actual keywords that random visitors to typed into search engines. Of course, if you’re reading this, you’re probably one of my loyal regulars who already knew all that. You probably could have guessed that this is search engine report is for May 22 - May 28. Enough talk, let’s rock:

1. pepsi lime commercials - The Pepsi Lime commercials are stupid and you’re stupid for searching for them. Next!

2. microsoft gears of war game plot - I actually watched some of G4’s coverage of E3 2005 and I happened to catch an interview segment with some Jamie Kennedy clone who also happened to be one of the lead designers for Gears of War. Unsurprisingly, the guy was a fucking idiot. I believe he referred to his game as “Call of Duty meets Resident Evil”. In the same interview, the guy also said that he had a short attention span and that the game was designed for like-minded people. What a fucking prick. Rather than design a game that’s innovative or even fun, this asshole created a game for people with no attention span who are easily amused by flashing cut scenes. It is morons like this who are slowly killing the gaming industry. The segment is currently On Demand as part of G4’s E3 highlight reel, so if you have a cable company that does On Demand and you’d like to see some jackass talk extensively about what a fucking tool he is, go for it.

3. super gem fighter: mini mix - is a fun game that I’d like to review eventually. I’d like to try and move away from games for a little bit though and get some TV and movies done, but that never seems to happen. I did recently commit to another CD review though, and a non-metal one at that.

4. screenshots of nudalities - What is this, 1993? There are no nudalities in ANY Mortal Kombat game. Read a goddam FAQ. There actually was one fighting game with nudalities, but it was never officially released.

5. fucking preschool kids 22 in the ass for like twenty minutes on the subway - I know for a fact that this particular search was a joke, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s disturbing as hell or that I get all sorts of REAL searches that are almost as bad.

6. are you afraid of the dark kiki - I had 8 searches for this on 5/26. Weird.

7. zelda hard fucking mario fetish - Grow the fuck up.

      This concludes FWSE #21. Either internet users are getting dumber or my patience is getting thinner. Actually, it’s probably a combination of both. Tune in next week when I just might snap.


  • Posted by Tebor on June 3rd, 2005 at 10:49 pm  

    What is the staggering drawing power of the toughest character on Are You Afraid of the Dark? Frankly, I’m more concerned about what happened to characters after they moved. Think of all the spin-off shows that could be developed… $$$$$$

  • Posted by Valdronius on June 4th, 2005 at 3:19 am  

    Kiki? Didn’t she grow up to be Michelle Rodrgiuez? That or the voice of some stupid character on a stupid show about an aardvark. Whatever.

    If you wanna talk about AYAOTD characters after the show, let’s talk about Rachel Blanchard. Schwing!

    Honourary mention to Joanna Garcia.

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