Fun With Search Engines Volume Seventeen: Wasn’t That A Song By Winger?

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 2:45 pm

Actually, I think it’s a magazine or something. FWSE is back for Round 17, which is a lot. It only took me three rounds to beat Mike Tyson, although it would have been harder if Lispy McPunch hadn’t kept winking at me before he did his super punching combo. So anyway, this is the FWSE report for 4/23 through 4/30. As always, these are all actual searches that people who visited typed into various search engines.

1. pop culture - Could this search be any more vague? When I first saw this, I was confused. “Pop Culture” is a very broad search and there are plenty of more extensive sites than mine that should have much higher search engine rankings. In a Yahoo search, I’m not within the top 100 results for pop culture. X-Entertainment, the king of all pop culture sites, is the 99th result. So I decided to check the access logs for the site. It turns out that if you use the Hong Kong version of Yahoo, I’m the #15 result right under something called Sexual Thunder. Sweet. The fact this search came out of Hong Kong also explains why it was for such a basic English phrase.

2. donald duck getting dick suck ringtone - What in the fuck is this? No, seriously. I think I know what’s going on here. This guy (and it’s definitely is a guy) is looking a ringtone that will:

1. Make his friends laugh the first one or two times they hear it.
2. Piss off the elderly
3. Make parents cover the ears of their children
4. Get old real fucking fast

I believe the ringtone you’re actually looking for is “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba. You’re welcome.

3. how to euthanize your cat yourself - Oddly enough, this isn’t the first time that the words euthanize and cat have appeared in an FWSE report. In fact, they appeared in the very first FWSE. As I take some time to reflect on this historic moment, here’s a repost of my original solution to the question of do-it-yourself euthanasia:

Baseball bats and fire are both cost effective.

4. unusual random shit - I don’t normally condone search queries with shit in them, especially if they happen to be image searches. Still, unusual random shit isn’t a bad description for the site and I was the #2 result on MSN, right between Wikipedia and some bullshit Unabomber conspiracy theory. Cool?

5. dominatrixes in massachusetts - Guess again, jackass!

6. you better watch out or the insects will get you - This is a line from a song by the Kids of Widney High that I used as a caption in my Moonwalker piece. I actually didn’t realize that search engines crawled the image captions. This brings me one step closer to my dream that someone will find my site by looking up Skullfucker 3 - Sockets, Bloody Sockets.

7. mk2 fatality - The MK Fatality Extravangza was a huge undertaking, but I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out. Then again, it’s bringing in decent hits so I guess I’d still be OK with it even if it was absolute trash.

      GAME OVER.

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