Fun With Search Engines #16: Wasn’t That A Molly Ringwald movie?

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 6:42 pm

FWSE is back once again. Here’s some of the highlights from the week starting 4/17 and ending 4/23. As always, these are real search engine queries that brought people to my site.

1. aerosmith revolution x - My first article is still one of my all-time favorites. I really wish I got more hits from people looking for Aerosmith than I did from people looking for preteens fucking.

2. hulk hogan slim jim commercial - You’re kidding, right? It was fucking Macho Man Randy Savage who did the Slim Jim commercials. You happened to get lucky and you clearly don’t deserve my site. Oh yeeeaaah!

3. mileena fucking liu kang -Disney porn and video game porn are quickly becoming one of the top queries of visitors. They have yet to overtake Donkeylips and the goddam preteens, but it could happen in the near future. I don’t understand why this happens. If these fuckheads bothered to read the page excerpts that the search engines provide, they’d easily be able to tell that the MK Fatality Fest has absolutely nothing to do with Mileena fucking Liu Kang or that an Are You Afraid of the Dark article probably isn’t the best page to click on to find Hilary Duff fucking Mickey Mouse. I swear, sometimes I fucking hate this planet.

4. rambo first blood analysis and it’s plot - First of all, it’s its, not it’s. Secondly, it’s a search engine, not a magic wand. Finally, just watch the fucking movie. First Blood is a damn good movie, quite possibly Stallone’s finest hour.

5. condescending bastard - What a peculiar thing to look up. If you really need a condescending bastard though, I suggest checking the personal ads in The Village Voice.

6. - I have no idea why this search would lead to my site. To make things worse, redirects to some stupidass real estate company. There’s only one person who should be allowed to own that domain name and it’s Curtis Armstrong. Fuck you, you goddam internet fat cats for taking what rightfully belongs to Robert Carradine’s lovable sidekick.

7. bad dudes jesus sin ninjas - That’s not a complete sentence or even a complete thought, but I fucking love it.

And we’re done here. You’re free to go.

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