Whoa, it’s April 20th. That’s like… 4/20.
I’m not above much. Since I launched the site I have said and done things that might shock, offend, or otherwise confuse some people. For example, I have:
1. Referenced skullfucking at least once
2. Turned Kirby into a vulgar drunken bastard
3. Beat down Garfield outside Crosstown High
4. Played some really bad Commodore 64 games
5. Proudly proclaimed that I’m not an organ donor
6. Drank a bottle of Pepsi Free that was over 20 years old.
However, I am above pot jokes. There will be no How High review today. In fact, if I ever review How High, it’s a coded message. In the unlikely event that Method Man or Redman show up on the main page, you should assume that I am injured or dead and that terrorists have taken over the site. CALL THE POLICE!
I am not above pope jokes however. Joseph Ratzinger has become Pope Benedict XVI. Fantastic. For the second papacy in a row, the Italians have been shut out of St. Peter’s Basilica. The Italians are pissed, and well they should be. They had the perfect candidate: Super Mario!
Mario had been a dark horse for the papacy from the beginning; his moderate views, warm smile, and take-charge attitude made him a favorite among Catholics hoping for softened stances on birth control and homosexuality from The Church. Despite Mario’s failure to win the hearts and votes of the College of Cardinals, the plumber will still play pontiff in Nintendo’s upcoming RPG, Paper Mario 3: Papal Mario.
The chances of Mario becoming pope in the future are surprisingly good. While Mario is a timeless hero, Ratzinger is 78; the chances that Benedict XVI will survive another five years are marginal at best. Another bonus for Mario is that Ratzinger has drawn surprisingly little heat from the media over his time in the Hitler Youth. Mario has also shown support for Nazism in the past: under the not-so-clever alias of Dr. Mario Goebbels, Princess Peach’s paid protector sold Hitler his patented Megavitamins. Megavitamins gave Nazi troops the speed and stamina necessary to achieve blitzkrieg. Mario parted ways with the Nazis and renounced their cause when he discovered his longtime rival Wario was also on Hitler’s payroll.
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