Fun With Search Engines #117: 28 Days Later, Part III: Army of Darkness

Filed under: FWSE — Valdronius @ 1:47 am

     It’s time once again for Fun With Searches, that recurring site report where Syd gives humourous commentary on some of the keywords that brought visitors to If you’re wondering why Syd had begun speaking in third person, fear not. This FWSE is coming to you from your good friend Valdronius. This report covers the four week period from October 14th through to November 10th.

1. underrated nes games - Micro Machines, Hogan’s Alley, and North and South are all pretty underrated.

2. legend of zelda sex - Legend has it that Zelda is female.

3. animated fucking - Don’t believe everything you see in pornography. There’s really no such thing as animated fucking. Having sex with a girl is like having sex with a dead fish. All they ever do is just lie there.

4. last arnold movie - You need to be more specific sparky. Are we talking Last Action Hero? The last movie Arnold was in? Are we talking about Schwarzenegger, or some other Arnold? The last movie Arnold from Happy Days was in was Royal Kill. Rest in Peace Mr. Miyagi, Rest in Peace.

5. macho women fucking - If you’re searching for masculine women engaging in sexual acts, there’s a pretty good chance you might be gay. If you were searching for ‘Macho Man fucking women’, then I could probably help you out. Oh YEEEEEEAH!

6. this years mcdonalds halloween promotion - Healthy eating Grimace. He’s lost a lot of weight and feels great about himself, all because of McDonald’s healthy choice menu. Instead of being bell-shaped, he’s lost all that excess fat and is now the same diameter from head to toe. Grimace toys are 8″ tall and 2″ thick. A great toy with a great message.

7. hairy stomach - It’s called a treasure trail and women find it absolutely irresistable.

8. fat people run - Like hell they do.

9. mileena hentai - Ever hear of a Black & Decker pecker wrecker? Well, it would be kinda like that.

10. nes red blue balls difficult flying bitch - There’s nothing I hate more than when a bitch is being difficult and ends up giving me blue balls. If you’ve got some excuse like “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m saving myself for true love” or “I’m dizzy. I think somebody put something in my drink” then don’t bother rubbing your body against me. It’s only going to make me see red, and when that happens, I’m going to send you flying.

11. names of movies with fucking scenes - Such movies are commonly refered to as ‘Porn’. Typically their titles are clever puns, often of other movies, such as Saving Ryan’s Privates, or Flesh Gordon.

12. hulk hogan did drugs in the 80’s - Hulk Hogan did your mom in the 80’s. Aw snap.

13. shannon elizabeth fucked by snowman - Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

14. cave of time wow - Not exactly the reaction I had when I read the book, but to each their own I guess.

15. venom childrens mask - I find it more efficient to insert the poison directly into the Halloween candy, rather than lacing the masks at the store. Ingestion is far more lethal.

16. prehistoric cavemen: how did they get their food - The same way everyone else does. Kill rival cavemen and malicious dinosaurs until they drop food.

17. triple h monologues - There is not enough time, nor enough server space to document all of HHH’s snore fests. Dammit, now you’ve gone and made me angry.

18. the best snes games you dont know about - The Final Option. No wait, I know about that one. Let’s see, how do I best answer a logically impossible request? With a face full of buckshot.

19. beautiful girls who shit - You must be talking about those 2 Girls 1 Cup chicks. Man that’s hot. Just thinking about it makes me wanna go eat a Reese’s.

20. sometimes women aren’t sluts - Bullshit. Who the fuck told you that?

21. street fucking - It’s a lot less common than one might think. Spontaneous song and dance numbers are fine, but if you’ve ever tried to have sex on pavement, you know what I mean when I say that street fucking is a bad idea.

22. christmas ornaments for those that are in heaven - I hear American Greetings has the most adorable ‘Baby’s First Christmas Out Of Purgatory’ ornaments. I wouldn’t bother buying one though, shipping costs to Heaven are fucking ridiculous.

23. go on lexia free - So far as I know, Syd doesn’t charge. For anything.

24. fucking father christmas - It was your dad you idiot. It was your dad dressed as Santa. Now both your parents are dead and you’re going to jail.

25. unconscious fuck stories - All my best fuck stories involve someone being unconscious. Her parents asleep upstairs, her roommate in the next room, her boyfriend passed out on the couch, her. Good times.

26. any video available girls get fucked play now - If you are so desperate to find porn online that you are willing to take any video the internet will offer to you, you really don’t know how to use the internet.

27. no bullshit preteen nude pics - If you have been searching for illegal, underage porn for so long that you need to tell your search engine to cut the bullshit, you really need to be put down.

28. best way to convince a girl to have sex with you - Rohypnol.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.


  • Posted by Syd Lexia on November 17th, 2007 at 5:58 pm  

    Outstanding work.

  • Posted by Valdronius on November 17th, 2007 at 7:11 pm  

    Domo arigato Sensai.

  • Posted by lolwut on November 28th, 2007 at 1:06 am  

    I got here via “Dr.Vink”. I was going to email you about how articulate, and how entertaining the post was, but this was quicker. I was like tl;dr (too long; didn’t read), but I started reading and it was so entertaining! So good job dude.

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