Fun With Search Engines 5: The Dream Child

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 5:25 pm

      Sadly, this post has nothing to with Nightmare on Elm Street. Instead, it marks the triumphant return of Fun With Search Engines. Today, we’ll be looking at some search engines queries made between 1/30/05 and 2/05/05 that brought people to my site.

1. boiling points mtv gun - This isn’t the first time that the MTV’s Boiling Points brought a vistor to my site, and it probably won’t be the last. In fact, here’s a sentence with all four of those keywords: I would like to shoot anyone who watches Boiling Points on MTV with a gun. The only time that I ever mentioned Boiling Points was in regards to how much MTV sucks. The sooner America’s youth learns that MTV sucks, the better our future will be.

2. mask yellow helicopter cartoon - Now here’s a hit that I’m not ashamed to take. The ironic thing is: although there was a yellow helicopter on MASK, the two words never appear consecutively in my Deathstone article. Consequently, if this person had used a more specific search, my page wouldn’t have come up.

3. michael bower salute your shorts - I’ve received several hits from people who searched for Donkeylips, but this is the first time that someone found my site by searching for the actor who played him. This one simple search query has enegerized me to change the world for the better. I am issuing a call to all Michael Bower enthusiasts out there, sign this petition:

      Michael Bower Needs Work

      As everyone knows, online petitions are the single most effective way to get what you want. The reason that they work is because movie and television executives don’t actually do any real work. They just sit around in their offices all day jacking off and reading message boards moderated by Dark Angel fanboys. At least, that’s the only way I can explain the existence of Son of the Mask.

4. teenage bedwetters - I don’t know and I don’t want to know… I bet it’s some crappy new emo band. I don’t remember ever using the word “bedwetter” but it seems that I did in my Are You Afraid of the Dark? article.

5. - I have no idea what search engine this person used, but it wasn’t Google, Yahoo, or MSN. Regardless, it brought up my MASK page, which refers to the American presence in Iraq as Operation Iraqi Babykill in a sarcastic attack on hysterical opponents of U.S. foreign policy.

6. cold november rain wedding scene - Even though Axl Rose hasn’t released anything in years, or perhaps because of it, Guns N’ Roses still fascinate people and enjoy substantial radio play on some stations. I have absolutely no problem with the fact that I help to sustain that fascination.

7. time killers released 1992 - Apparently I’m not the only person on this godforsaken planet who remembers Time Killers. That’s nice.

      That’s enough for this week. If you’re looking for something else to read, there’s always the Mega Man article. I’m outta here.

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