Fun With Search Engines #54: Is This Your IP?

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 12:29 am

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search engines, the recurring site report where you can see some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines along with some half-assed commentary from me. This FWSE report covers the week starting January 29th and ending February 4th. Enjoy!

1. internet porn passcodes - Ha, nice try. I hate to break this to you, but due to strict international decency regulations, there is no pornographic material available anywhere on the internet. Sorry.

2. you can’t do that on television - How dare you presume to tell me what I can and cannot do on television. Fuck you.

3. murdar machene - This is what happens when my forum members Google themselves. If you join my goddam forums, you too could be featured in Fun With Search Engines.

DISCLAIMER: You won’t be.

4. preteens fucking preteens - I try to ignore this shit, but every time I see it, it makes me fucking angry. The degenerates who search for child pornography need to be held accountable for it. Unfortunately, there’s not much that I can do except try to embarrass them. Below, you’ll find a list of the IPs of all the people who found my site by searching for some variant of “fucking preteens” on February 1st. Why only that one day? Because I’m not a fucking watchdog and this is a pain in the ass to do, that’s why. Anyway, here the IPs of some disgusting human beings who need to be shot:

5. fuck you raiden - So you want to fuck the God of Thunder, huh? Let’s see what he has to say about this…

6. john hughes the best director ever - John Hughes was a pretty good director, but he was not the best. I’ve got two words for you, two words that automatically disqualify him from ever receiving the honor of Best Director Ever: Curly Sue.

7. nude pictures of kara borden - You know, she’s underage and she’s not even newsworthy anymore. If you people don’t stop with this shit, I’ll start publishing your IPs too.

      And so the curtain closes on yet another installment of Fun With Search Engines. If this didn’t manage to hold your interest, you can always check out my latest article. It’s on the classic 1987 Pink Floyd album A Momentary Lapse of Reason and it’s far more interesting than this shit. It’s also much longer.


  • Posted by DrBoron on February 7th, 2006 at 10:48 am  

    I noticed that at least a couple of those IPs are AOL. Maybe if you email AOL about it, they’ll use that big security center I see on TV (the one that looks like the GoldenEye computer) to send their AOL/Time Warner stormtroopers out to kick down some perv doors. Now THAT would be a commercial worth watching.

  • Posted by Tebor on February 7th, 2006 at 10:58 pm  

    So what happens when one of your faithful fans ends up having a matching IP address? Is that an automatic ban and mean getting @$$ raped by David Ludwig? :pacman: :megaman:

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on February 7th, 2006 at 11:22 pm  

    DrBoron - I don’t know if there’s anything AOL can do about it. As an ISP, they have pledged to protect the privacy of their users. So AOL probably won’t do anything about it. Of course, as an ISP, AOL also has an obligation to protect its users for dangerous and or illegal content. I am pretty sure they block their users from accessing sites that offer illegal pornography, but perhaps they should probably block users from using certain search terms that would lead to such pornography as well. Unfortunately, they probably won’t. AOL membership is down and they are currently facing a class action lawsuit over bad business pratices; specifically, they have been accused of intentionally delaying membership cancellations to squeeze more money out of people. Since they are seemingly perpetually faced with bad PR, they probably don’t want to irk crybaby groups like the ACLU who orchestrate an anti-AOL campaign, arguing that by blocking search terms like “fucking preteens” that AOL is restricting free speech. Also it’s not technically illegal to search for content like that. Sites that depict fantasy versions of illegal pornography claim that they offer a harmless outlet for the sick fantasies some of these bastards have. Although there is no compelling evidence to suggest that this is the case, the courts have consistently ruled in favor of it. But if anything, these fantasies versions feed into sick desires and help pedophiles work up the nerve to actually act upon their impulses in real life. It’s absolutely sickening. Apparently some douchebag’s right to say “I want to fuck children” is a bigger priority than protecting actual children. It makes me so mad. :rant: :rant: :rant:

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on February 7th, 2006 at 11:25 pm  

    Well Tebor, I can see IPs on the forums so I generally do crosscheck them. At least one member of the faithful enjoys planting searches to try and shock me. Since I know that he’s just kidding around, I would never intentionally compromise his IP. As for other people who were possibly serious about that shit, I don’t know. I might overlook it if they were able to trade Spaceballs quotes with me.

  • Posted by Valdronius on February 8th, 2006 at 10:37 am  

    Sweet. It’s my self-righteous claim that I can quote Spaceballs virtually in its entirety, so I guess I’ve got a get-out-jail-free card. That’s good too, because I just spent my last 200 funbucks on the Jungle Railroad from Bad Dudes.

  • Posted by Tebor on February 13th, 2006 at 4:17 pm  

    Kind of odd. Last week, I ended up saying “Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money of Spaceballs is made” more often than other week of my life. I blame college classes that try to teach us how we’ve been lied to our whole lives to buy things, or that the real money from a movie comes from the merchandise. Thanks to Spaceballs, I already knew the truth. Nice try stomping my spirits, life! :twisted:

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