Fun With Search Engines #39: Being 39 Years Old Would Suck.

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 11:37 pm

      It’s time yet again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I reveal some of the keywords that visitors to this site typed into search engines. This edition of FWSE covers the week starting 10/16/05 and ending 10/22/05. As always, these are in fact real searches and not just some bullshit that I made up.

1. make a livejournal color bar - These things aren’t just stupid, they’re also stupidly easy to make. If you can’t figure out how to make your fucking “John Mayer Is Love” color bar all by yourself, you don’t deserve the pleasure of wallowing in its utter retardness. Go fuck yourself.

2. super mario allstars rom - Fuck that shit. Play the original versions.

3. failed sodas - Aside from Rock Hudson’s Semen-o-rama, I can’t really think of any.

4. batman theme bedrooms - Sadly, I never had Batman sheets. I did have Masters of the Universe sheets at one point though. Those were pretty awesome. If I could get my hands on some old school Batman sheets, I’d use them in a second. But none of this Batman Begins shit because sleeping with Christian Bale is totally gay.

5. jessica simpsons farts - I hate farts, but I really fucking hate fart jokes. And I hate FWSE for making me use the word fart four times in close proximity of each other.

6. how to use tonfa - Step 1: Place the tonfa in your hands. Step 2: Hit people with them. Repeat Step 2 as necessary.

7. bubble bobble costume - You know, Bubble Bobble kicked at least sixteen specific types of ass. So for a second there, I considered the possibility that a Bub or Bob costume might be cool. Then I realized something: IT WOULDN’T. I don’t care how dorky your friends are, because if you go to a costume party dressed as a Bubble Bobble character, you’re gonna get your ass beat. Even if said party has a video game theme. In that case, you’re gonna get your ass beat by Rastan and Eddy Gordo.

      That’s enough stupidity for this week. Tune in next week for FWSE #40: Nothing But Kristin Cavallari. Peace out.


  • Posted by S. McCracken on October 28th, 2005 at 7:41 am  

    I seem to remember a certain number we used to call all the time. 1-800-IFeelOK.

    Poor OK soda. Tasted like someone mixed Coca-Cola and orange soda together…and then pissed in it.

    Moxie is for all intents and purposes an utter failure. We used to do a running sketch at school starring Moxie Man. It was just an excuse to get the audience to try Moxie. It was also a ruse to get people to vomit after the cardboard-like aftertaste washed over them like a wave of raw sewage.

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on October 28th, 2005 at 2:33 pm  

    For the record OK Soda did not taste like piss. Also, Moxie & Tab aren’t dead. They are, in fact, undead. And they’ll eat your brains. Braaaaaaaaaains!

  • Posted by IGAmazingBob on October 28th, 2005 at 5:35 pm  

    Moxie is far from dead in it’s home state of Maine. It’s pretty big up here, a lot of people wear moxie shirts. As a matter of fact, there is a Moxie parade every year up here in the home town of it, and even some Moxie ice cream! I’m 100% serious too. Long live Moxie.

  • Posted by Tebor on October 29th, 2005 at 3:37 pm  

    I think FWSE 40 should have a 40 Year Old Virgin joke and/or reference.

    You just gave me an idea for a costume :D

  • Posted by S. McCracken on November 1st, 2005 at 2:56 pm  

    I never said Moxie was dead. I said it was a failure. And don’t even get me started on Maine.

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