Your Cell Phone Is Not A Walkie-Talkie

Filed under: Stuff — Syd Lexia @ 7:53 pm

      Guess what? I fucking hate two-way calling. If you’re unfamiliar with two-way calling, it’s an annoying cell phone service that essentially turns your phone into a walkie-talkie, with every message being preceded by an annoying beep. It’s a stupid idea, but since most companies that offer this service offer it as a freebie, people insist on using it. So instead of cutting into your daytime minutes, you can talk for an unlimited amount to someone else who has the same service provider as you for free. The problem with this is that the vast majority of people who use two-way have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO FUCKING SAY. So now, anytime I’m waiting in line at the supermarket, browsing at Best Buy, or in any other public place, I can hear both sides of some retard’s dumbass conversation instead of just one. They usually go something like this:

Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Hey, where you at?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) I’m in the line at the supermarket.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) What?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) I’m in the line at the supermarket.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Ha ha, whatchoo doing there?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) Getting my mom some stuff.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) What?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) Getting my mom some stuff.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Get me some Doritos.
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) I’m already in line.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) C’mon! Get me some Doritos.
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) Get your own damn Doritos.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Whatchoo doing tonight?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) Dunno.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Movies?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) I dunno, what’s playing?
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Dunno.
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) Get the paper.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Huh?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) Get out the newspaper and check the damn movie listings.
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) All right, how about Into The Blue?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) What’s it about?
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) Jessica Alba. And it has the cop from the Fast and the Furious movies.
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) Hell yeah!
Idiot Teenager #1: (BEEP!) What?
Idiot Teenager #2: (BEEP!) I said hell yeah!

      Every goddam day, I hear shit like this. I’m not trying to eavesdrop, but that loud fucking beep really draws your attention to the phone. It’s like listening to a fucking IM conversation, only it’s worse because one of the parties ends up repeating some asinine remark louder because his punkass friend didn’t hear it. I don’t understand why people are so enamored with this shit. Remember your 8th birthday? Remember that set of walkie-talkies you got? Remember how you decided they were totally gay after a week? Well now it’s ten years later and you’re doing the same stupid kiddie shit on your $200 cell phone. Grow the fuck up.


  • Posted by Tebor on October 20th, 2005 at 12:07 am  

    Dude, I believe the service is X number of dollars the first time you use it and then it is unlimited. At least Boost Mobile is. And those kids should just go out and rent 2 Fast 2 Furious because Cole Hauser is in it… or maybe they should just rent all of Hauser’s other films. Either way, this is why Hollywood is dying.

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on October 20th, 2005 at 6:12 am  

    Speaking of Boost Movile, their commercials are damn annoying. “Thanks to the Boost Mobile phones that Fat Joe and Eve had when they children, they’re big stars now!” Apparently Boost Mobile thinks we’re too stupid to realize that both of these recording artists were born in the 1970s and back then poor people weren’t giving out cell phones to their children like candy. In fact, handheld cell phones didn’t even go on the market until 1983. And it wasn’t until many years later that this crappy Boost Mobile company started selling them.

    2 Fast 2 Furious also has Mark Boone Junior and the only part of that movie that I’ve actually seen is where Hauser tortures Boone with the rat. That was a pretty interesting idea, I was impressed.

Reply to this post

You must be logged in to post a comment.