Fun With Search Engines #30: Maybe Thursday you Can Sleep…

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 7:38 pm

      The forums that I promised a few weeks ago are almost done. Once I make a few more stylistic modifications, I’ll link to them. You might even find them before that if you’re somewhat clever. But in the meantime, let’s recap the week starting August 7 and ending August 13 in typical FWSE style. As always, FWSE chronicles real queries that visitors to my site typed into respectable search engines. The showcased searches generally range from stupid to oh-my-god-how-can-anyone-with-a-computer-possibly-be that-fucking-stupid, but I’ve been know to throw in a few intelligible queries from time to time. Got it? Now let’s see those keywords!

1. hot ninja chick kiss explode mortal kombat - If you’ve played anywhere near as many video games as I have, then you know that this search refers to a classic Kitana fatality. But the reason that I brought up these keywords is because I offer a pay service called Naming Your Emo Band and Hot Ninja Chick Kiss Explode is a prime example of a good emo band name. At the very least, it’s better than The Early November.

2. streets of rage 2 game - Including the word game in this search was a masterful stroke indeed. Without game, you might have gotten results for the Streets of Rage 2: The Movie, not to mention the Streets of Rage Series 2 pogs and all fifteen graphic novels that were based on the game. There are so very, very many products that bear the Streets of Rage 2 name that it was downright necessary to include game in the search in order to find info on the Sega game. Well done. </sarcasm>

3. fairly oddparents hentai - Let’s assume for a minute that this were indeed a cartoon pr0n site. Even if this were the case, I still wouldn’t fucking stock pics of midgets with big heads and floaty crowns fucking. That’s disgusting on about seventy-two distinct levels. The only thing that would be more disgusting would be Dexter’s Lab or Powerpuff Girls hentai.

4. kristin cavalleri - My highly patronizing and highly inaccurate Laguna Beach transcript is already paying off… SUCKERS!!!

5. jenny lewis salute your shorts - No, no, no. Let’s clear up a few things here once and for all. Take notes, because I probably won’t repeat any of this for at least a month or two:

  1. Jenny Lewis was never on Salute Your Shorts
  2. Donkeylips (Michael Bower) is not a member of Rilo Kiley
  3. Budnick (Danny Cooksey) is not a member of Rilo Kiley
  4. Ronnie Pinskey (Blake Soper) *is* in Rilo Kiley. He now goes by Blake Sennett.
  5. Jenny Lewis was in The Wizard with Fred Savage.
  6. Jenny Lewis is in Rilo Kiley.
  7. Rilo Kiley is still together.

6. drinking warm soda - endorses drinking warm soda. However, Syd Lexia personally recommends that the soda in question isn’t twenty years old.

7. show clips about mario take off his shirt and his pants and let princess peach suck his penis - That’s it.
That’s enough. I quit. I fucking quit. Game over. FWSE over. Go away.



  • Posted by flowerchild on August 18th, 2005 at 8:24 pm  

    i wasn’t completely dumbfounded by most of those, but the last one about princess peach sucking a penis or something… i almost fell out of my chair. Who- i mean- why? How? I totally embrace oral sex, but thats so random and… DIRTY! 8O
    That did, however, make my night. It put a smile on my face, thank you syd :D :lol: :suprised :wink:

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 18th, 2005 at 11:55 pm  

    My friends have been badgering me for over a year to start one and i have, so yay for me! I have like no idea what i’m doing on it so i’m trying to figure it out now…

  • Posted by Tebor on August 19th, 2005 at 3:33 am  

    Flowerchild: poser. (j/k) :megaman:
    FWSE: It’s always nice when people just want to skip the whole porn thing and will just describe what they want. I don’t think any makers of smut check google search logs, but I could be wrong. What a world would that be where you could input any fantasy you want into a search engine, and if it didn’t exist already, a result is created just for you. Wow, sci-fi overload!

    I am a big collector of SoR2 merchandise. I even have the plush toys, the Axel condoms, and the Blaze birth control pills. Whoever thought video gamers even have sex was an idiot.


    Pac-Man just got an extra life!
    :pacman: :1up:

  • Posted by S. McCracken on August 19th, 2005 at 12:04 pm  

    I was clever enough (re: I have a brain) to figure out the forums. Can people not log in yet to comment? It’s telling me my password is invalid. That girl needs password protection lessons! :megaman:

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 19th, 2005 at 1:09 pm  

    lmfao, axel condoms. Tebor, i don’t understand the significance of a myspace account. Like, explain it to me. I started it last night after getting sick and tired of hearing how GREAT it is. I think i’m the only person walking this planet who hasn’t opened an account (before last night, that is) I’m not trying to belittle the concept of a myspace account, so please excuse my ignorance everyone. :-)
    So what do i do now that i have started one? Just vegetate and wait until somebody with an account talks to me? :oops:

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on August 19th, 2005 at 4:23 pm  

    McCracken: You don’t show up on the member list… Are you sure you registered? I tested it out and it works fine. You will need to check your e-mail and see if you have a confirmation message. If you do, click the link inside and that should activate it.

    flowerchild: MySpace is hard to explain. It’s pretty much just another way to communicate with friends and coworkers and find people with similar interests to yours. It’s not as personal as LiveJournal or as direct as AIM, but it’s something. If you want random people to contact you, it helps to add a picture. Basically I just set up a profile there because MySpace is one of the 50 most popular sites on the web and it’s good for promotional purposes.

  • Posted by Tebor on August 19th, 2005 at 5:02 pm  

    I hate MySpace and MySpace users (present company excluded). It is highly impersonal and makes already self absorbed people even more self absorbed. Ghey is the only word to describe it. Quit now. Quit now while you’re ahead.

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 19th, 2005 at 6:22 pm  

    lol, i thought about it tebor. I prefer AIM ten times more than myspace. I won’t berate the whole site and declare it HORRIBLE but its just…well…not for me. Since i am an impatient whore, i’ll wait until Monday and if i find the site boring, i’ll just cancel my account. Isn’t it dangerous though? I’m not trying to be granny-like but isn’t it highly possible that somebody can take your information that you post on the site and concoct a way to visit you at work, school, ect. and simply knife you when nobody is looking? :rant: :what: :| :twisted: :-? 8O

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 19th, 2005 at 6:30 pm  

    syd i was looking at the naming your emo band page that you have on your site and i started laughing with the drawing that i assume is your creation… what is that thing that you drew in the mouth? :megaman:

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 19th, 2005 at 6:42 pm  

    MYSPACE *gulps* PANTIES! THEY HAVE MYSPACE PANTIES FOR SALE ON THE WEBSITE! (I am apalled by the word panties because is just sounds so…pantyish) but anyway, who the hell would want to wear them? Do they want you to advertise myspace while you are in the process of making love? I can’t even fathom having sex and having myspace advertised on my snatch. Thats just so…strange!

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on August 19th, 2005 at 6:56 pm  

    I actually didn’t draw it. My sister, who shall henceforth be known as Krys Lexia drew it for me. She’s half my age and she can already draw better than I can.
    The thing is my teeth is some sort of sparkle because apparently she thinks my teeth are whiter than white. On an interesting sidenote, I asked her to draw me doing a double thumbs up, but it looks more like I’m doing a thumbs up with the left hand and flipping you off with my right.

    And for the record, I do NOT wear purple shoes.

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 19th, 2005 at 10:20 pm  

    awww, thats so sweet that she drew it for you and its nice to know that you do not have disgusting, vile, golden, rancid, festering teeth :D
    syd > :D

  • Posted by Valdronius on August 19th, 2005 at 10:44 pm  

    MySpace is officially the new bastards of the internet. They don’t support Newfoundalnd standard time! What bitches. It’s -3:30, how hard can it be to put in the half hour time zones? I hate everything.

  • Posted by Tebor on August 20th, 2005 at 1:34 am  

    “isn’t it highly possible that somebody can take your information that you post on the site and concoct a way to visit you at work, school, ect. and simply knife you when nobody is looking?”

    YEah, but really who has that time on their hands anymore? I haven’t heard of any internet kidnappings, rapings, or stabbings in almost three years. All I do hear about is Bush is ghey, Affleck is ghey, Michael Jackson is guilty, and other such non-news infestering my television between 5 and 6. Wow, now I really want to hunt some people down and stab them. :rant: :twisted: :D

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 20th, 2005 at 9:30 am  

    :lol: true true.

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 20th, 2005 at 9:37 am  

    I just had a wonderful idea. I think i want to bring back RED LIPSTICK! You know how some girls just wore red lipstick and blue eyeshadow with EVERYTHING including daisy dukes and high heels (this was all in the 80s and early 90s, of course) Well, i’m going to bring that back this year. I’m going to wear tacky red lipstick with every outfit i own. Last year i wore legwarmers and arm warmers but then again so did the little punk idiots that hang around the skate park and ice cream shops after school :x 8O

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on August 20th, 2005 at 3:57 pm  

    The return of red lipstick could be the best and/or worst idea ever.

    Also, you’re far too old to get killed, raped, or abducted because of MySpace. Psycho internet killers mainly prey upon 12-14 year olds. And besides, these days it’s more fashionable to abduct boys.

  • Posted by Tebor on August 20th, 2005 at 4:22 pm  

    Let the raping and pillaging begin! Lead on this crusade, Sir Lexia!!! :twisted:

  • Posted by Syd Lexia on August 20th, 2005 at 4:31 pm  

    Wait, what? :what:

    I wasn’t endorsing it! 8O I simply tried to reassure flowerchild by pointing out that she isn’t a viable target for the vast majority of sexual predators.

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 20th, 2005 at 11:57 pm  

    :lol: lol! yeah, you’re right! little boys seem to be on everybody’s mind lately. If i were a sexual predator, i think that my target would be…Brad Pitt or conor oberst from Bright Eyes… Maybe the band members from the dissociatives. Like where i live, there are a LOT of perverts who scream out of their cars to try to get attention and i bet they have decaying bodies in their trunks. I was always paranoid of molestors because when i was younger there was one living down my road. the whole street knew about it and my mom almost beat my ass when i came home 2 hours late from playing with my friends because she said that she thought he grabbed me and molested me to death in the back of his Mercedes. I was really just catching tadpoles down by the lake… :twisted: :D
    anyway, i believe that sexual deviants are attracted to anybody! Remember that case where the old lady (60+) was raped by the 19 year old boy? And then you get the sick cockheads who have their way with nursing home residents!And then Michael Jackson with little boys! And Mr. Rogers!!!!!!! :rant: :rant: :rant: :rant: :x

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 21st, 2005 at 10:15 pm  


  • Posted by Syd Lexia on August 23rd, 2005 at 12:46 am  

    Indeed, I do remember Mr. Wizard. His real name is Don Herbert and I am pretty sure he is still alive.

  • Posted by S. McCracken on August 24th, 2005 at 11:20 am  

    Wait flowergirl, are you saying Mr. Rogers and Mr. Wizard touched children? This I simply cannot accept. Most of the time he was surrounded by puppets, and they’re just asking to have a hand shoved up their asses.

  • Posted by flowerchild on August 24th, 2005 at 3:30 pm  

    :D lmfao! yes, so the rumor has it. I heard some crazy things about our friend PeeWee Herman and those rumors i DO IN FACT strongly believe. Lol, the shit about Mr. Rogers…i’ve heard about how he liked kids A LOT but i’m not sure whether to believe it or not. He put me to sleep anyway so i could care less what he does in his spare time. Mr. Wizard was the man. I learned how to make chocolate covered popcorn from that old bastard, so he was pretty outstanding. I don’t know if he really molested kids. Maybe. OH GOD! DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER WIENERVILLE?? WITH THE FAT ASS PUPPET NAMED DOTTY?? :D

  • Posted by popculturedefiler on May 2nd, 2008 at 12:49 pm  

    Apparently, I found the most disgusting thing on the whole internet.
    Dexter’s Lab Hentai

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