Free Offer

Filed under: Stuff — Syd Lexia @ 2:08 pm

      In recent weeks, there’s been a proliferation of annoying commercials trying to get people to buy custom ringtones. What the fuck? These companies must be selling this shit to someone. If you’re one of those people who just *has* to have a ringtone that says “Yeaaaaah boooooooy! Pick up the phone!” then I have an exciting deal for you. If you can find your way to headquarters, I will stab you in your fucking face free of charge. Choose from one of three amazing knives: pocket knife, switchblade, or carving knife. You will have to sign a legal waiver, of course.

      I have an offer for the rest of you too. If you bring a high-ranking executive from one of these ringtone companies to my lair, I will give you $5 and an official 2x4. You must bring proof that the person does indeed work for one of these ringtone companies and you MUST keep that fucking idiot both alive and unharmed.

One Comment

  • Posted by cybersst on January 3rd, 2005 at 11:45 pm  

    I had never seen those commercials (or Girls Gone Wild commercials at EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL BREAK) until I watched the uncut version of “The Hebrew Hammer” I recorded from COM at like 1AM. I fast forwarded, of course, but I got the gist. That was a great movie, and I’m glad kid had school today, cause I don’t think he appreciate seeing Blitzen hacking away at Santa

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