If you’re one of the few people who actually reads the news section, you may want to check out the main page for the full story. This completely sucks.
Yes, it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the semi-recurring semi-popular site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the four week period beginning February 24th and ending March 22nd. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…
1. boss fucked servent orginal pictures - Oh boy, a poorly spelled porn search. We’re off to a FANTASTIC start!
2. clarissa explains it all - No, she doesn’t. She explained a lot in her day, but you know what she didn’t explain? Contraception. And now I got three baby mommas looking to collect. So starting next month, I’m going to be adding like 50 banner ads to site so that I don’t get sent to jail for failing to pay child support.
3. xanga sites - Hey, you know where you can a whole bunch of Xanga sites? ON MOTHERFUCKING XANGA, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
4. michael jackson’s likes and dislikes - (insert easy joke here)
5. what year did the first mcdonalds happy meal toys come out - 1979.
6. how many spaces are there on most board games - There isn’t any sort of standardization whatsoever. The Game of Life has way more spaces on its board than, say, Monopoly.
7. best games website ever made - SydLexia.com! Oh wait, this is a pop culture website. I dunno… GameFAQs? Penny Arcade?
8. maniac mansion labyrinth - There definitely wasn’t a labyrinth in any version of Maniac Mansion that I ever played and fuck you if this is about the crappy television show.
9. princess peach blowjob - I can’t help you with that, but here’s a picture of Princess Peach about to get fingerbangered by a skillful hand:
10. kara borden - Is she 18 yet?
11. magica de spell porn playstation faq - When I saw this search, I was confused. I was fairly certain there wasn’t a DuckTales game on the Playstation, but my heart lept at the chance that there might be. There isn’t, but Magica de Spell appears as a boss in the Ubisoft game Donald Duck: Goin’ Quackers. Weak. Also, I like how the word “porn” is randomly thrown into this search for no apparent reason.
12. amy rose fucking - Amy Rose doesn’t put out, at least not according to one of the few good jokes from the 2007-2008 season of the Simpsons:
13. the a team game - There was only one A-Team game that ever got released in America, it was on the Commodore 64, and it sucked ass. There was a better A-Team game made by a company called Zafiro that was released for the MSX, the Amstrad CPC, the ZX Spectrum and the PC, but it was only released in Europe. There was also an A-Team board game… which I reviewed.
14. super mario bros 2 lost levels nes rom - You will never ever find an NES ROMs of the original Japanese version of Super Mario 2. This is because SMB2J was not an NES game, it was a game for the Famicon Disk System, a floppy disk add-on for the NES/Famicom that was only released in Japan. If you go looking for NES ROMs of SMB2J though, you will find some ingenius SMB1 hacks that do a fairly decent job of recreating the original game.
15. aliens fucking - FUN FACT: “When Aliens Fuck” was the original name of that Prince song.
16. megadeth plain logo t-shirt - Fuck that. Get something with Vic Rattlehead on it!
17. quizzes on dragons - Dragons are fictional creatures with a rich,varied mythology that differs in every legend and story. Sometimes dragons are sentient, sometimes they are merely ferocious beasts. So any quiz you found on dragons would be highly unsatisfying. Instead, I recommend Quiz & Dragons.
18. original legend of zelda carry more bombs - You have to pay the guy. You know the one.
19. dig dug sprite rips - Rip them yourself. It’ll take like 15 minutes.
20. game where you have to convince the girl to fuck you - Leisure Suit Larry. Also, every C’s Ware game ever.
21. quentin tarantino directed death proof - It’s true, he did.
22. a boy and his blob - They’re using that title for a book about President Bush and Dick Cheney.
23. syd lexia - I fucking hate that guy.
24. you can’t do that on television - I can’t do anything on television… I don’t have a TV show.
25. nba jam on psp - Holy shit, they still make PSP games!?
26. every snes ever made - That would be a whole lot of SNESes. Honestly, do you really need more than one?
27. cartoon grandma - Real Grandma is better than Cartoon Grandma because she buys you Christmas presents. Unless she’s dead… or Jewish… or both.
28. sexy erin esurance hentai - There is no Syd, only Zuul.
This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.