I was too lazy to do Fun With Search Engines last week, so now it’s time for a super mega two week edition of FWSE. For anyone as of yet uninitiated, Fun With Search Engines is a weekly site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the period beginning May 14th and ending May 27th. As always, these are all real searches.
1. unblockable porn - The impossible dream. The impossibly retarded dream.
2. dr vink - With a va-va-va….
3. kristin cavalleri nude pics - Normally I just deride this search. However, since this is FWSE #69, it’s only appropriate that I do something slightly different… but I won’t. You people with your goddam celebrity porn searches are pathetic. Fuck you.
4. cartoon hentai - This raises an interesting cultural issue: is it still considered hentai if it’s live-action? We may never know. Correction: we may never care.
5. photodump - That’s what came out when I accidentally ate that roll of film. You know, back when people still used cameras that required film.
6. kara borden 2006 - Do I smell a gubernatorial campaign in the works? Or maybe she could replace Rick Santorum in the Senate. Sure she’s too young to legally run, but she’s too young to be doing a lot of other stuff that we already know she’s done.
7. duck attacks - Duck attacks are vicious and can happen at any time. Like now.
8. princess peach fucking luigi pictures - That would never happen because Luigi’s a total scrub.
9. video game female character - This search is from 5/24. If it had come just four days later, the searcher would have stumbled upon my all-new Girls of the NES article. Actually it would have to be more like six days later, since it takes time for search engines to crawl and cache new pages.
10. bumblelion - Rest in peace.
11. Fairly Odd Parents porn galleries only on Cartoon Holiday - Gross.
12. you are now watching smb2 bloopers - No I’m not, you liar.
13. drug induced fucking - You, sir, are an awful human being. Die.
14. executing a hadouken - You’re kidding, right? It’s only the most basic fighting game movie EVER. It’s down to forward on the direction pad immediately followed by a punch.
This concludes Fun With Search Engines #69. Tune in next week when there will almost definitely be a new FWSE. Probably. Maybe. No wait, definitely.