So it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines. For anyone who just found this site through Google or whatnot, it works like this: every week, I go through my site logs and see what keywords visitors to my site typed into search engines. Then I comment on them. So if you thought that your search for kiddy porn was just between you and God, you were wrong and now I have your IP. Send me money or I’ll turn your sorry ass into the feds. This FWSE report is for the week starting November 13th and ending November 19th. And so it begins:
1. kara borden myspace - Since I’m a nice guy, I’ll help you out with this one:
This is what Kara’s MySpace looked like before all the shit went down: Pic 1 Pic 2
This is what it looked like shortly after she was taken into custody.
This is what it looks like now.
Kara’s Xanga looked like this before it was taken down.
Here’s David Ludwig’s MySpace.
David’s Xanga looked like this before it was taken down.
2. words to hulk hogan’s song - Hulk Hogan is an industrious man who writes lots of songs. Well, he’s cowritten at least a dozen or so. At any rate, you’ll have to be way more specific. I know you can’t possibly mean “Real American” because only someone who’s completely pop culture illiterate wouldn’t know that his classic WWF entrance music contains those two words. I’m not saying that you have to know that’s the fucking name of it, but that would have helped too.
3. salute your shorts sponge played by - You should probably fucking learn how to use IMDB or TV.com, but the answer is Tim Eyster. Next!
4. i hate nes battletoads NES Battletoads was a gift from God. If you can’t beat it, it’s because your love for Jesus isn’t strong enough.
5. snk vs mortal kombat clips - No such game exists. Not only that, but no such game could *ever* exist, because the MK characters are fucking hardcore and the SNK characters are all limp-wristed sissies. Seriously, SNK VS Capcom would be a great fighting series if it wasn’t for all the SNK guys.
6. michael jackson online music bad - This could have several meanings. I’ll let you choose your own.
7. kara beth borden nude pics - I totally called this last week. Well, actually I think I said it would be kara borden naked, but it’s the same damn thing. Of course, predicting what internet fucktards will search for isn’t much harder than predicting a direct-to-video Jean-Claude Van Damme will suck goat balls. It’s pretty much a sure thing. But anyway, she’s fourteen. Come on, guys. Although, if Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire taught me anything, it’s that David and Kara’s relationship wasn’t really inappropriate. If it’s OK for 14-year-old Hermione Granger to have a relationship with 18-year-old Victor Krum, then Kara and David were just livin’ the dream. That’s what J.K. Rowling is teaching our children. Well, YOUR children because I don’t have any yet. And by your children, I mean people who found this page by accident.
And that’s it. I should have at least one new article up by the end of the week. The one I’m working on right now is another cartoon… I won’t spoil the surprise as to which one though.