It’s time yet again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I reveal some of the keywords that visitors to this site typed into search engines. This edition of FWSE covers the week starting 10/16/05 and ending 10/22/05. As always, these are in fact real searches and not just some bullshit that I made up.
1. make a livejournal color bar - These things aren’t just stupid, they’re also stupidly easy to make. If you can’t figure out how to make your fucking “John Mayer Is Love” color bar all by yourself, you don’t deserve the pleasure of wallowing in its utter retardness. Go fuck yourself.
2. super mario allstars rom - Fuck that shit. Play the original versions.
3. failed sodas - Aside from Rock Hudson’s Semen-o-rama, I can’t really think of any.
4. batman theme bedrooms - Sadly, I never had Batman sheets. I did have Masters of the Universe sheets at one point though. Those were pretty awesome. If I could get my hands on some old school Batman sheets, I’d use them in a second. But none of this Batman Begins shit because sleeping with Christian Bale is totally gay.
5. jessica simpsons farts - I hate farts, but I really fucking hate fart jokes. And I hate FWSE for making me use the word fart four times in close proximity of each other.
6. how to use tonfa - Step 1: Place the tonfa in your hands. Step 2: Hit people with them. Repeat Step 2 as necessary.
7. bubble bobble costume - You know, Bubble Bobble kicked at least sixteen specific types of ass. So for a second there, I considered the possibility that a Bub or Bob costume might be cool. Then I realized something: IT WOULDN’T. I don’t care how dorky your friends are, because if you go to a costume party dressed as a Bubble Bobble character, you’re gonna get your ass beat. Even if said party has a video game theme. In that case, you’re gonna get your ass beat by Rastan and Eddy Gordo.
That’s enough stupidity for this week. Tune in next week for FWSE #40: Nothing But Kristin Cavallari. Peace out.