Fun With Search Engines #30: Maybe Thursday you Can Sleep…

Filed under: FWSE — Syd Lexia @ 7:38 pm

      The forums that I promised a few weeks ago are almost done. Once I make a few more stylistic modifications, I’ll link to them. You might even find them before that if you’re somewhat clever. But in the meantime, let’s recap the week starting August 7 and ending August 13 in typical FWSE style. As always, FWSE chronicles real queries that visitors to my site typed into respectable search engines. The showcased searches generally range from stupid to oh-my-god-how-can-anyone-with-a-computer-possibly-be that-fucking-stupid, but I’ve been know to throw in a few intelligible queries from time to time. Got it? Now let’s see those keywords!

1. hot ninja chick kiss explode mortal kombat - If you’ve played anywhere near as many video games as I have, then you know that this search refers to a classic Kitana fatality. But the reason that I brought up these keywords is because I offer a pay service called Naming Your Emo Band and Hot Ninja Chick Kiss Explode is a prime example of a good emo band name. At the very least, it’s better than The Early November.

2. streets of rage 2 game - Including the word game in this search was a masterful stroke indeed. Without game, you might have gotten results for the Streets of Rage 2: The Movie, not to mention the Streets of Rage Series 2 pogs and all fifteen graphic novels that were based on the game. There are so very, very many products that bear the Streets of Rage 2 name that it was downright necessary to include game in the search in order to find info on the Sega game. Well done. </sarcasm>

3. fairly oddparents hentai - Let’s assume for a minute that this were indeed a cartoon pr0n site. Even if this were the case, I still wouldn’t fucking stock pics of midgets with big heads and floaty crowns fucking. That’s disgusting on about seventy-two distinct levels. The only thing that would be more disgusting would be Dexter’s Lab or Powerpuff Girls hentai.

4. kristin cavalleri - My highly patronizing and highly inaccurate Laguna Beach transcript is already paying off… SUCKERS!!!

5. jenny lewis salute your shorts - No, no, no. Let’s clear up a few things here once and for all. Take notes, because I probably won’t repeat any of this for at least a month or two:

  1. Jenny Lewis was never on Salute Your Shorts
  2. Donkeylips (Michael Bower) is not a member of Rilo Kiley
  3. Budnick (Danny Cooksey) is not a member of Rilo Kiley
  4. Ronnie Pinskey (Blake Soper) *is* in Rilo Kiley. He now goes by Blake Sennett.
  5. Jenny Lewis was in The Wizard with Fred Savage.
  6. Jenny Lewis is in Rilo Kiley.
  7. Rilo Kiley is still together.

6. drinking warm soda - endorses drinking warm soda. However, Syd Lexia personally recommends that the soda in question isn’t twenty years old.

7. show clips about mario take off his shirt and his pants and let princess peach suck his penis - That’s it.
That’s enough. I quit. I fucking quit. Game over. FWSE over. Go away.