It’s finally time for another edition of Fun With Search Engines. Apparently it’s been two weeks since the last FWSE and another two weeks since the once before that. That’s inexcusable. Fun With Search Engines is supposed to be a weekly enterprise and I’ve let time get away from me. For anyone who doesn’t know, FWSE is a (usually) weekly analysis of various queries that visitors to SydLexia.com typed into search engines. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re not, but they are all 100% real. This FWSE report covers the two week period starting on July 3rd and ending on July 16th. Enjoy.
1. bandai sucks - Yes, they do. I’m glad someone else gets it. Bandai sucks at almost everything they do and yet they somehow manage to subsist. The only logical explanation is that totalitarian governments that shun the free market are forcing their citizens to buy Bandai games and toys. Someone better get Geraldo Rivera on the case.
2. old wwf divas - Unless you’re a sick fuck and you’re talking about Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah, there’s no such thing as old WWF divas. The WWE Diva Search is just an excuse to put pretty but talentless whores on your TV screen. In the olden days, the women in the WWF were all either managers, valets, or wrestlers, and they had storylines. When was the last time you saw Christy Hemme do anything other than act like a stupid whore? How about NEVER?
3. sly cooper hentai - This stupidass search string keeps coming up. And by mocking it, I’m only going to ensure that it keeps coming up. The internet was not created so that you could find something to whack off to, especially something as sad as video game porn; that’s what P2P is for. Now fuck off.
4. opening theme - TO WHAT? I have absolutely no patience for ambiguity.
5. christy hemme sucks - Wow, it’s like my own personal Christmas. First someone else who hates Bandai found my site then someone else who hates Christy Hemme found my site. Hating stuff is awesome.
6. hulk hogan’s the me am a real american lyrics american guy - This brings me to my next point: DON’T SMOKE CRACK. This message has been brought to you by your local Street Fighter II cabinet.
7. jennifer wilbanks bitch - Once again, I totally agree.
8. laguna beach tv show transcripts - If there ever comes a time when transcripts of crappy reality shows based on fashionable teen dramas are available for your reading pleasure, I’m pretty sure that’s when Jesus will return to Earth for the final judgment. When that happens, it’s a pretty safe bet that I’m going to purgatory.
9. sub zero fucking sindel - Why Sub-Zero fucking Sindel? Why not Scorpion fucking Sindel or Liu Kang fucking Kitana? You have no right to demand such oddly specific MK porn. Your unmitigated gall sickens me.
10. stare at an eclipse while screaming at it - That’s how my dad met my mom. True story. But seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?
11. meatloaf’s real name - Meatloaf’s real name is Marvin Lee Aday. You might remember him from movies such as Spice World and Americathon. At least, you would if you wasted precious moments of your life watching second-rate movies that the mainstream has long since forgotten about. Otherwise you’ll remember him as Bitch Tit Bob from Fight Club or for all those songs he did.
12. super mario physics - My brief comparison of SMB physics versus the physics of the real SMB2 probably it’s quite as in-depth as what this person was hoping to find. But maybe it was. Either way, it’s interesting.
And with that, another FWSE has come to an end. I know it’s sad, but it is also the natural order of things. Until next time, I’m lazier than I wish I was.