SydLexia.com

A new comic is up

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning June 8th and ending June 14th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. watch boiling point mtv online - Here’s a better idea: go fuck yourself. MTV sucks.

2. afshaal from arabian magic - Afshaal was an entrant in the 2006 SydLexia.com Character Battle. He was defeated by Valdronius.

3. mk1 skorpion - Believe it or not, not every word in the Mortal Kombat Extended Universe™ uses K’s instead of C’s.

4. greatest snes game of all - According to Whitney Houston, learning to love yourself is the greatest SNES game of all… or something like that.

5. rolling thunder leila tortured - The Leila torture scenes in Rolling Thunder were never considered an adequate substitute for actual porn, largely because you can’t beat off in an arcade.

 
6. hentai sex up the ass shit comes out - BARF.

7. i fucked my fourteen year old sister - If you’re the searcher at IP address 64.136.27.229, you’ve just won a fabulous prize:

 
8. would you survive a xenomorph encounter - Yes I would.

9. i refuse to even touch a video game - Well, then SydLexia.com probably isn’t a website you’d enjoy.

10. erin esurance naked - In the words of Darth Vader, “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

Another new comic is up.

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the reccuring site feature where I take a look at some of the search terms that brought visitors to the site. This FWSE report is for the five week period beginning May 4th and ending June 7th. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…

1. gigyas in earthbound rape hentai - Well, looks like we’re already off to a great start…

2. what is a bootleg arcade game - A bootleg arcade game in any unlicensed reproduction of arcade boards, ROMs, and/or chips manufactured by another company. Many bootleg arcade games also feature code alterations that change the gameplay. For example, the abilities to throw fireballs while jumping and block while jumping were first introduced into the Street Fighter series in a Street Fighter II bootleg.

3. sonya blade’s ass - Yeah, Sonya’s ass is pretty hot. Just look at it:

 
4. yo noid sprites - I’m sorry, what? I’m still thinking about Sonya’s ass. Man, those are some hot pixels. Especially at 4X magnification.

5. what happens to a girl’s vagina when she falls in love - Um… nothing? But when a girl gets sexually aroused, her vagina lubricates itself.

6. Hudson’s Adventure Island - Adventure Island rules. It’s also the first NES game I ever reviewed for the site.

7. erin esurance getting fucked - In Soviet Russia, Esurance fucks YOU! No wait, that’s what happens in America.

8. maniac mansion endings - Valdronius wrote a great article on some of the ways that Maniac Mansion can end. Most of them involve death.

9. syd lexia - I fucking love that guy.

10. fuck my friend while she sleeps - Okay, but only if she tells me ahead of time that she’s into it. I refuse to get tricked into raping someone… again.

11. koosh tennis - Koosh Tennis rules.

 
12. is link from legend of zelda really a girl - No, but the character Sheik, who first appeared in Ocarina of Time, is really Zelda in disguise. Maybe that’s what you’re thinking of. That, or you’re just a fucking retard.

13. how teh internet works - Easy. Like this.

14. how to defeat grumple gromit - Get the lightning bottle, then shoot lightning bolts at him until he dies. The number at the top of the screen indicates how many hitpoints he has left.

15. greatest snes games - Once again, here’s the list.

16. movies that have anything about christmas in them. - Christmas Ape. Also, Christmas Ape Goes To Summer Camp.

17. porn stars named jill - Jill Kelly is the only one worth mentioning:

 
18. mario nad sonic - I love typos.

19. mortal kombat secret fatalities - Back in the days before home versions and GameFAQs, all the fatalities were secret. Now none of them are.

20. how to clean a troll doll - Use a toothbrush and pay special attention to the ass crack. You’re gonna want to massage that ass crack for a good 15-20 minutes.

21. mcdonalds halloween buckets - I have a bunch of those things. A plethora, even. Check it out.

22. heathcliff and cleo fucking - Heathcliff and Cleo NEVER fucked. Heathcliff fucked Sonya; Cleo fucked Riff-Raff.

23. nikki cox uses too much collagen - She certainly does:

 
24. cosplay - is retarded.

25. what position should i be in to do umk3 fatalities - Missionary.

26. are my red rose tea figurines worth anything - No.

27. duck tales transylvania secret treasure - There two secret treasures in DuckTales are hidden in the African Mines and on the Moon; there isn’t on in Transylvania. There is, however, an extra hitpoint hidden in the level. From the start of the level, go right until you get to the first rope. Climb up it. When you get to the top, go right and keep going right until you come to what appears to be a solid wall. Walk through it and you’ll find a treasure chest on the other side. Open it for a permanent hitpoint.

28. sirron kcuhc dnif - You don’t find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

29. video game emoticons -

30. a really nice ass in tight sweatpants - Didn’t we already cover this?

 
31. sydlexia best genesis games - Sorry, that doesn’t exist… yet.

32. peach rapes bowser - That’s even worse than Bowser raping Peach.

33. affective response art - Hey, let’s read a slightly edited version of a paper Syd wrote for a high level university philosophy course. His former professor, Dr. Robert Innis, would be proud. Maybe.

34. let’s play mickey mousecapade - Let’s not.

35. best nes games - I wouldn’t know anything about that.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

A new comic is up. Yes, for real.

A new article is up.

Alexa Traffic Ranking on May 18, 2005: 2,411,400
Alexa Traffic Ranking on May 18, 2008: 45,676

      These numbers are both three month averages. So basically, I’ve gone from being a completely insignificant site to the 45,676th most popular site in terms of overall traffic. That means that now I’m only *mildly* insignificant! Actually, considering that I-Mockery is currently at 23,745, I’d say that I’m doing pretty good.

      It is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the ever popular site feature that dies and then comes back again, kinda like Jesus… or herpes. This is where I take a look at some of the search terms that brought visitors to the site. This FWSE report is for the six week period beginning March 23rd and ending May 3rd. As always, these are all real searches. Here we go…

1. arnold’s best movie - Batman and Robin! Oh wait, you said BEST.

2. top 100 site list - Heh, SydLexia.com only shows up on Top 100 Site lists in my dreams.

3. sydlexia image dump - Indeed, I do have an image dump.

4. link to the past game genie code for hammer - CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER! Also, there doesn’t seem to a Game Genie code that gives you the hammer. However, the code AEA8-D4FA will let you move vertically through any obstacle.

5. really good snes games - You might find some here.

6. nes game with two soldiers - What the fuck, dude? Could you be any more vague? Since the only two player NES game where you play as soldiers that I like is Contra, I’m gonna say Contra. It’s probably not Contra though, because everyone knows that Contra fucking rules.

7. what type of music does hulk hogan like - Rock, especially classic rock.

8. what robot master are you - If you’re between the ages of 13 and 20, then YOU ARE CUTMAN. Go cut yourself, you emo bastard.

9. james bond movies jumped the shark - That’s a hard claim to make. The original Ian Fleming novels were very pulpish in nature and they only sold because they were filled with sex and exploitative Cold War violence. So when the source material is rather cheesy, it’s hard to criticize the movies for being even cheesier. But cheesy or not, Bond is still awesome. Well, except in The World Is Not Enough… that was boring as hell.

10. g-rated movies where the mom and dad fuck - Uh… WHAT?

11. 8 ball of cocaine - Where do I sign up?

12. zelda bushes - I really hope this search was referring to the bushes in A Link To The Past and not something dirty and gross.

 
13. scientology mission to mars - Oh please. Scientology can’t even make a decent movie, so I seriously doubt they can successfully send people to Mars.

14. jokes involving fat people but in a good way - Well, there’s that popular internet meme with the fat kid in a t-shirt that says “I BEAT ANOREXIA”.

15. whats the point of friday the thirteenth nes game - It’s survival horror. The point is to keep at least one counselor alive, protect at least one camper, and reduce Jason’s life total to zero on all three days.

16. cartoon cat lived in a plane in a junkyard - That would be Riff-Raff.

17. best vagina ever - I’m not in the business of rating vaginas. If you really want to find the “best vagina ever”, you’ll have to check out RateMyVagina.com and see which vagina has the highest rating. Sadly, this isn’t a joke; RateMyVagina.com is a very real site.

18. cyveillance - They’re all bark and no bite.

19. How a scorpion moves - Um… it has legs?

20. mutoid man scarface - What is Smash TV? I’ll take Video Game Bosses for $800, Alex.

21. sindel and scorpion fucking mk hentai - I bet that Sindel doesn’t like having her hair pulled.

22. rapper with a creepy child voice - The Horrorist, maybe?

23. i hate boss battles - Then go play Brain Age.

24. sid lexia - Sid Lexia isn’t a clever name at all.

25. interesting stuff about vigina on a map - That’s either a slight misspelling of “vagina” or an embarassingly bad misspelling of “Virginia”. Either way, it’s a dumb search.

26. play nes monopoly for free - Play real Monopoly, it’s a lot less tedious.

27. brinks scare tactics - The Brinks Home Security commercials are a prime example of scare tactics. No one is going to attempt to rob your house in broad daylight, let alone when you are home. However, just because Brinks presents grossly atypical burglary situations in their commercials doesn’t mean that a home security system isn’t a good buy.

28. season 6 - Of what?

29. superbook forums - There is no television show that deserves its own forum less than Superbook.

30. can christianity and evolution coexist - The short answer is yes. If you want the longer version, ask the pope.

31. james comron aliens - A note to all directors, both current and aspiring: if you stop making movies, people will stop caring about whether or not they came anywhere close to spelling your last name correctly.

32. i hate alex vincent - That’s okay, I hate Vincent D’Onofrio.

33. what does orange mean in the small blob - I don’t understand the question.

34. larissa oleynik suicide - Larisa Oleynik is not dead. She’s also not married, which is awesome. From my perspective, anyway… I don’t know how happy she is about that.

35. the long fatality code - That sounds like a film noir.

36. why do americans hate bollywood - Americans don’t hate Bollywood. Hell, most Americans don’t even know what Bollywood is. I do think, however, that most Americans familiar with Bollywood do find it to be incredibly silly and trivial. But disrepect and condescension are both very different from hatred.

37. can’t open garage door in maniac mansion - Use the Hunk-O-Matic a couple of times. It’s in Cousin Ted’s room.

38. how to beat bubble bobble - Defeat the Super Drunk!

 
39. i have the pussy i make the rules - Only if you’re Blofeld.

40. what are the best nes games - The best NES games are the ones you fondly remember playing back in the day.

41. who was that little boy that hulk hogan picked up - When? Where? NARROW IT DOWN!

42. don’t be a smartass - DON’T BE A TUNA HEAD!

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

P.S. erin esurance smoking hot naked fucking sex hentai

A new article is up.

Because it was all just a dumb April Fool’s Day joke. Sorry.

If you missed it, click here.

      If you’re one of the few people who actually reads the news section, you may want to check out the main page for the full story. This completely sucks.

      Yes, it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the semi-recurring semi-popular site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the four week period beginning February 24th and ending March 22nd. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…

1. boss fucked servent orginal pictures - Oh boy, a poorly spelled porn search. We’re off to a FANTASTIC start!

2. clarissa explains it all - No, she doesn’t. She explained a lot in her day, but you know what she didn’t explain? Contraception. And now I got three baby mommas looking to collect. So starting next month, I’m going to be adding like 50 banner ads to site so that I don’t get sent to jail for failing to pay child support.

3. xanga sites - Hey, you know where you can a whole bunch of Xanga sites? ON MOTHERFUCKING XANGA, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!

4. michael jackson’s likes and dislikes - (insert easy joke here)

5. what year did the first mcdonalds happy meal toys come out - 1979.

6. how many spaces are there on most board games - There isn’t any sort of standardization whatsoever. The Game of Life has way more spaces on its board than, say, Monopoly.

7. best games website ever made - SydLexia.com! Oh wait, this is a pop culture website. I dunno… GameFAQs? Penny Arcade?

8. maniac mansion labyrinth - There definitely wasn’t a labyrinth in any version of Maniac Mansion that I ever played and fuck you if this is about the crappy television show.

9. princess peach blowjob - I can’t help you with that, but here’s a picture of Princess Peach about to get fingerbangered by a skillful hand:

 
10. kara borden - Is she 18 yet?

11. magica de spell porn playstation faq - When I saw this search, I was confused. I was fairly certain there wasn’t a DuckTales game on the Playstation, but my heart lept at the chance that there might be. There isn’t, but Magica de Spell appears as a boss in the Ubisoft game Donald Duck: Goin’ Quackers. Weak. Also, I like how the word “porn” is randomly thrown into this search for no apparent reason.

12. amy rose fucking - Amy Rose doesn’t put out, at least not according to one of the few good jokes from the 2007-2008 season of the Simpsons:

 
13. the a team game - There was only one A-Team that ever got released in America, it was on the Commodore 64, and it sucked ass. There was a better A-Team made by a company called Zafiro that was released for the MSX, the Amstrad CPC, the ZX Spectrum and the PC, but it was only released in Europe. There was also an A-Team board game… which I reviewed.

14. super mario bros 2 lost levels nes rom - You will never ever find an NES ROMs of the original Japanese version of Super Mario 2. This is because SMB2J was not an NES game, it was a game for the Famicon Disk System, a floppy disk add-on for the NES/Famicom that was only released in Japan. If you go looking for NES ROMs of SMB2J though, you will find some ingenius SMB1 hacks that do a fairly decent job of recreating the original game.

15. aliens fucking - FUN FACT: “When Aliens Fuck” was the original name of that Prince song.

16. megadeth plain logo t-shirt - Fuck that. Get something with Vic Rattlehead on it!

17. quizzes on dragons - Dragons are fictional creatures with a rich,varied mythology that differs in every legend and story. Sometimes dragons are sentient, sometimes they are merely ferocious beasts. So any quiz you found on dragons would be highly unsatisfying. Instead, I recommend Quiz & Dragons.

18. original legend of zelda carry more bombs - You have to pay the guy. You know the one.

19. dig dug sprite rips - Rip them yourself. It’ll take like 15 minutes.

20. game where you have to convince the girl to fuck you - Leisure Suit Larry. Also, every C’s Ware game ever.

21. quentin tarantino directed death proof - It’s true, he did.

22. a boy and his blob - They’re using that title for a book about President Bush and Dick Cheney.

23. syd lexia - I fucking hate that guy.

24. you can’t do that on television - I can’t do anything on television… I don’t have a TV show.

25. nba jam on psp - Holy shit, they still make PSP games!?

26. every snes ever made - That would be a whole lot of SNESes. Honestly, do you really need more than one?

27. cartoon grandma - Real Grandma is better than Cartoon Grandma because she buys you Christmas presents. Unless she’s dead… or Jewish… or both.

28. sexy erin esurance hentai - There is no Syd, only Zuul.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

A new article by Valdronius is up.

      Now, it’s finally time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the (allegedly) recurring site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. Since I have been a lazy fucking douchebag, this FWSE report is for the seven week period beginning January 6th and ending February 23rd. As always, these are all real searches.

1. adult qix variants - The most famous X-rated Qix variants are the Gals Panic games. As far as porn goes, they’re not very exciting; you complete a board and then you get a see a shot of a naked lady for a few seconds. But in terms of gameplay, they’re actually a lot more fun and challenging than the original Qix.

2. picture of geki from street fighter - Happy to oblige:

 
3. suitless girls - Most girls don’t wear suits. Most women don’t either. Well, except for Annie Lennox. And Hillary Clinton. And Samus Aran.

4. duck tales secret treasures - The secret treasures of DuckTales are the love and friendship inside of you.

5. outer space words that rhyme with cherry - I dunno, planetary? What the fuck kind of a search is this?

6. holk hogan murderer - Tragically, we may never learn who murdered Holk Hogan on that balmy Santa Cruz night back in 1994. Chances are pretty good that it wasn’t HULK HOGAN though.

7. hermion porn - Your mom likes Hermione porn. No wait, that’s *hermaphrodite* porn.

8. michael jackson game arcade - It was called Moonwalker. And it was fantastic.

9. where r the warps in mario 2 - Here’s a better question: where “r” your parents? I think they need to send your worthless ass to Sylvan Learning Center.

10. erin esurance hentai sex - The streak continues!

11. brigitte nielsen drunk - I’m pretty sure Brigitte Nielsen has been continuously drunk since around 1993.

12. beating level 57 of bubble bobble - Frustrating, isn’t it? Take out the Beluga as quickly as possible, then use the bubble bounce technique to get the top of the screen and take out the other guys. It takes some expert timing to do it without getting hit, but once you get to the top, it should be a piece of cake.

13. i need to find out if a foot fetish will ever go away - Perhaps, but only with the aid of psychoanalysis or cognitive therapy.

14. magic school bus porn - While I have no doubt that Ms. Frizzle likes to get freaky, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see it.

15. what is the best snes game ever - Read THIS and find out.

16. revolution x school bus - I fucking hate that level:

 
17. asses on girls - What, are you writing a new hip-hop single or something? Sorry pal, but I’m pretty sure that one’s been written… ABOUT TEN THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES!

18. is star wolf in smash bros brawl - Yes.

19. picture of a giant spider with babies in the corner of the room - Spider babies or human babies? Also, what the fuck!?

20. apple mystery house - I’m going to assume you mean THIS.

21. where do i buy sticky toy boglins from - eBay.

22. erotic samus fanfic - EPIC FAIL.

23. top nintendo games - How about THIS?

24. skeletor - There is absolutely nothing wrong with this search.

 
25. fidel castro - He retired.

26. porn games - I love to play porn games… WITH YOUR MOM!

27. best console game ever - That would be the Atari 2600 version of Pac-Man. Duh.

28. survivor sucks - If you’re talking about the TV show, you’re absolutely correct. If you’re talking about the band, YOU SPEAK HORRIBLE LIES!!!

29. trickyxtricksta - It’s an XBox Live account. It’s not mine though. It’s probably not yours either.

30. zelda secrets master sword nes - It’s in the graveyard.

31. batman cereal - That stuff is awful. I ate it on many occasions in 1989 and once in 2005. I recommend Batman serials instead.

32. kris lexia - Jew, if I’ve told you once I’ve told you a million times… STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SISTER!

33. fucking a gemini man - At first, I couldn’t help but wonder if the person was talking about Gemini Man from Mega Man 3. Then, a few second later, I couldn’t help but wonder why I bothered to include such a pointless search.

34. mtv schedule from 1999 - Whatever was on, it was probably awful.

35. a board game that physically shocks you - Don’t Whiz On The Electric Fence.

36. mindfuck when you see it youll shit bricks - Check out the last two minutes of pretty much any Season 4 episode of Lost.

37. ducktales launchpad naked - Gross.

38. koopa cock - Grosser.

39. mario fucking link - SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE THE FUCKING YAOI STOP!!!!

40. zelda and link having sex - Well, at least it’s not gay.

41. alien dog konami - I imagine you mean the evil doggy (shown below) who debuted in Contra III. He plays a big role in Challenge Mode in Contra 4, and if I ever have to do another Mutt Hunt again, I’m gonna fucking kill someone.

 
42. tactics games for the snes - Ogre Battle is the only SNES tactics games you’ll ever need. You could play Civilization on the SNES too if you really wanted, but it’s much more fun on a computer.

43. christmas decorations - This search is from February 17th. A little fucking late, huh?

44. how to beat mr. sandman in punch out - I suggest going for the TKO.

45. the 100 best co-op games for the snes - On a list of the 100 best co-op games for the SNES, Contra III: The Alien Wars would occupy at least 50 of the spots.

46. rolling thunder namco - Yet another cheap plug.

47. elmo saying bert and ernie are gay - LIES!

48. god im bored - There used to be a website dedicated to that problem. Unfortunately, it sucks goat balls now.

49. syd lexia should commit suicide - If I ever have to spend six hours going through seven weeks worth of site logs again, I just may.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

      A new article is done. It’s not on the main page yet, so most of my site’s visitors will remain unaware of its existence for the next 12 hours or so. See, this is why you should read the news section.