SydLexia.com

      It is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the popular site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that vistors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the four week period beginning July 27th and ending August 23rd. As always, these are all real searches. And away we go….

1. must have nes games - That was the best John Cusack movie ever.

2. salute your shorts characters - If my memory serves me correctly, there was Sponge, Donkeypunch, Mumbly Joe, Stinky Pete, Gilligan, and the rest.

3. it’s a trap - It certainly is.

 
4. you tyop fuck man and girl - I’ll take the girl, assuming she’s of legal age. Tyop can have the man. Sorry man, but since it’s my site, I get first pick.

5. kara beth borden - Kara Borden took her phone and snuck out of her parents’ home. When they found what she had done, her boyfriend killed them with a gun.

6. detective robert goren - I prefer Detective Mike Logan. And now he’s gone. Fuck you, Dick Wolf.

7. green flying aliens are they real - I don’t know. Call in to the Coast to Coast AM radio show and ask George Noory. If you’re really lucky, maybe Art Bell will be hosting.

8. cereal smells like cardboard - So does your face.

9. whomp ‘em - In Soviet Russia, ‘em whomp YOU!

10. i’m just soggy from the chemo - I’m soggy from being immersed in milk.

11. sigourney weaver’s tits in galaxy quest - As I recall, the rest of her body was in that movie too.

12. how to beat bald bull the fucking cheater - Bald Bull is wicked easy. You suck.

13. peach gives mario a blowjob - Not unless he gives her a shitload of coins.

14. mistress helga - Kerri Hoskins is awesome.

 
15. amber lynn - Please retire, kthx.

16. camp lazlo yaoi - Gayest. Search. Ever.

17. nintendo games list - List of Nintendo Games (Incomplete):

            Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
            Totally Rad
            Operation Wolf
            Super Spring

18. ronald mcdonald fucking wendy - I got a better idea: me fucking your girlfriend. Oh wait, you’re searching for burger-related hentai. YOU DON’T HAVE ONE.

19. kill your idols - In Soviet Russia, your idols kill YOU! Actually, that’s a pretty fair portrait of Stalinism.

20. i want genesis roms - In Soviet Russia, putting three Yakov Smirnoff jokes in one FWSE is hilarious instead of lazy!

21. game where you walk around and get a skateboard - There’s not really any walking in any Tony Hawk games, so I’m gonna go with Adventure Island.

 
22. slurp - That’s the sound your mom makes.

23. megaman all bosses - You know, I’d like to explain my response to #22, in case you didn’t understand it. See, slurp is the sound your mom makes when she swallows. Semen, that is. After doing stuff to my penis. With her mouth. Makes sense, right?

24. best nes game overs - Being as I’m a helpful guy, here’s the complete opposite of what you wanted: Bullshit NES Endings!

25. official space channel 5 hentai - I could be wrong here, but I’m pretty sure there’s no official Space Channel 5 hentai.

26. superman - More like BORINGman, amirite?

27. alexx the kid sega - Clearly you mean THIS.

28. erin esurance nude - Big surprise.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

A new article is up.

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site report where I comment on some of the keywords that brought visitors to the site. This FWSE report is for the six week period beginning June 15th and ending July 26th. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…

1. alex kidd in miracle world scissor head - Actually, his name is Scissors Head. There’s a screenshot somewhere in this article that proves it.

2. wavebird taken apart - Hey asshole, instead of taking your Wavebird controller apart, why don’t you send it to me, Syd Lexia? I need two more.

3. you’ve got a lot to learn before you beat me - The hell I do! You’re a fucking pussy. (Yes, yes, I know it’s from a damn video game.)

 
4. tia carrere vs asia carrera - Both of them are pretty hot, but Tia Carrere wins. There’s something really sexy about a girl who you haven’t already seen with one or more dicks inside her.

5. i’m feeling lucky - Really? Why? DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE DEAD!?

6. nothing lasts forever - SydLexia.com will last forever. I guarantee it.

7. dragons fucking girls - NO.

8. all megaman bosses - Mega Man only has one boss, Keiji Inafune.

9. you watch sesame street as an adult just to see the count - That’s not true at all. I also watch to see Cookie Monster, Oscar, and Elmo. And Big Bird. And Grover, on the rare occasions that they decide to use him. Oh, and Snuffy. Truth be told, I fucking love all the Muppets on Sesame Street. Well, except bullshit newer ones like Zoe, Baby Bear, and Rosita. I hope they all get raped and killed. Especially Baby Bear. But ESPECIALLY Rosita.

10. what is the weirdest animal - The weirdest animal… IS MAN!!!!!

11. kara beth borden - Really? Still? People are still fascinated with thise case? I really need to become an accessory to murder so I can be an internet celebrity too.

12. zelda fucks link - I don’t think they’re fucking. If they were fucking, they’d have at least one kid by now. I mean, Christ, it’s been 20+ years.

13. mario fucks peach - See above.

14. i’m batman - I’ll phrase my answer in the form of a Final Fantasy IV screenshot:

 
15. syd lexia stinks - He sure does.

16. slut getting fucked by 3 disk at the same time - Fuck you and fuck your techno-hentai.

17. wizard fred savage torrent - Just buy the damn DVD. It’s awesome.

18. jeebusfnchrist - That’s my brother’s AIM screenname, not that he’s ever on it.

19. joe and mac caveman ninjas - I love that game.

20. mothers who are fucking - Lots of mothers are fucking, especially the ones who got pregnant at 16.

21. snes game with frogs - Battletoads in Battlemaniacs?

 
22. guitar hero metallica - I sure hope Unforgiven III is in the game!

23. forums negative experiences with jews - Get the fuck off my site, you worthless fucking Stormfront.org piece of trash. The most prominent follower of Judaism on my forums, The Flying Jew, has increased the awesomeness of said forums tenfold.

24. prequels are underrated - Rarely is that true. The video game Resident Evil Zero, however, was most definitely underrated.

25. randy dandytoes - Randy Dandytoes, you signed up for my forums. You even sent me a message. But then you never posted. That made me sad.

26. i want to fuck erin esurance so bad - Get a fucking life.

27. females in hard hats - Dude, that is a seriously fucked up fetish.

28. where to buy caffeine free pepsi - …at your local supermarket? Seriously, where the fuck do you live that Caffeine-Free Pepsi is such a rare commodity that you have to fucking Google it to find out more information about it?

29. when is a new mario game going to come out - Jesus Fucking Christ. Mario Galaxy just came out last November, and you’re already whining for a NEW Mario game? You’re an impatient little fuck, aren’t ya?

30. teeth movie - Teeth is a fantastic fucking movie. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes horror movies, vaginas, or horror movies about vaginas.

31. sirron kcuhc dnif - In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris finds YOU!

32. dodge the grim reaper in alex kidd - Be Quick Or Be Dead.

33. maniac mansion how do u get package back from ed - You can’t. You need to get the package before Ed gets it, then give it to him. There’s no reason you should ever need it back from him.

34. bubble bobble endings nes - This is the best possible ending in the NES version:

 
35. tmnt ii the arcade game play as splinter - That’s totally possible and it so not some bullshit lie that one of your idiot friends told you. Also, there are nudalities in Mortal Kombat 2.

36. clarissa explains it all - She never explained to me that there’s no cure for herpes… or that she had it.

37. the a team game - The board game? Check it out here.

38. syd lexia sorry i’m dead - You don’t need to apologize to me. I don’t even know you.

39. every nintendo game - has its thorn.

40. erin esurance nude - Yes, I really do get enough Erin Esurance searches that I need to bring her up twice in the same FWSE.

41. velociraptor mask - You really need a full body costume to be a velociraptor.

42. amy rose hentai - MOAR HENTAI! AWSUM!!!!!!!!

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

A new article is up.

Dr. Jeebus now has his own blog on the site. Check it out.

A new comic is up

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning June 8th and ending June 14th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. watch boiling point mtv online - Here’s a better idea: go fuck yourself. MTV sucks.

2. afshaal from arabian magic - Afshaal was an entrant in the 2006 SydLexia.com Character Battle. He was defeated by Valdronius.

3. mk1 skorpion - Believe it or not, not every word in the Mortal Kombat Extended Universe™ uses K’s instead of C’s.

4. greatest snes game of all - According to Whitney Houston, learning to love yourself is the greatest SNES game of all… or something like that.

5. rolling thunder leila tortured - The Leila torture scenes in Rolling Thunder were never considered an adequate substitute for actual porn, largely because you can’t beat off in an arcade.

 
6. hentai sex up the ass shit comes out - BARF.

7. i fucked my fourteen year old sister - If you’re the searcher at IP address 64.136.27.229, you’ve just won a fabulous prize:

 
8. would you survive a xenomorph encounter - Yes I would.

9. i refuse to even touch a video game - Well, then SydLexia.com probably isn’t a website you’d enjoy.

10. erin esurance naked - In the words of Darth Vader, “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

Another new comic is up.

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the reccuring site feature where I take a look at some of the search terms that brought visitors to the site. This FWSE report is for the five week period beginning May 4th and ending June 7th. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…

1. gigyas in earthbound rape hentai - Well, looks like we’re already off to a great start…

2. what is a bootleg arcade game - A bootleg arcade game in any unlicensed reproduction of arcade boards, ROMs, and/or chips manufactured by another company. Many bootleg arcade games also feature code alterations that change the gameplay. For example, the abilities to throw fireballs while jumping and block while jumping were first introduced into the Street Fighter series in a Street Fighter II bootleg.

3. sonya blade’s ass - Yeah, Sonya’s ass is pretty hot. Just look at it:

 
4. yo noid sprites - I’m sorry, what? I’m still thinking about Sonya’s ass. Man, those are some hot pixels. Especially at 4X magnification.

5. what happens to a girl’s vagina when she falls in love - Um… nothing? But when a girl gets sexually aroused, her vagina lubricates itself.

6. Hudson’s Adventure Island - Adventure Island rules. It’s also the first NES game I ever reviewed for the site.

7. erin esurance getting fucked - In Soviet Russia, Esurance fucks YOU! No wait, that’s what happens in America.

8. maniac mansion endings - Valdronius wrote a great article on some of the ways that Maniac Mansion can end. Most of them involve death.

9. syd lexia - I fucking love that guy.

10. fuck my friend while she sleeps - Okay, but only if she tells me ahead of time that she’s into it. I refuse to get tricked into raping someone… again.

11. koosh tennis - Koosh Tennis rules.

 
12. is link from legend of zelda really a girl - No, but the character Sheik, who first appeared in Ocarina of Time, is really Zelda in disguise. Maybe that’s what you’re thinking of. That, or you’re just a fucking retard.

13. how teh internet works - Easy. Like this.

14. how to defeat grumple gromit - Get the lightning bottle, then shoot lightning bolts at him until he dies. The number at the top of the screen indicates how many hitpoints he has left.

15. greatest snes games - Once again, here’s the list.

16. movies that have anything about christmas in them. - Christmas Ape. Also, Christmas Ape Goes To Summer Camp.

17. porn stars named jill - Jill Kelly is the only one worth mentioning:

 
18. mario nad sonic - I love typos.

19. mortal kombat secret fatalities - Back in the days before home versions and GameFAQs, all the fatalities were secret. Now none of them are.

20. how to clean a troll doll - Use a toothbrush and pay special attention to the ass crack. You’re gonna want to massage that ass crack for a good 15-20 minutes.

21. mcdonalds halloween buckets - I have a bunch of those things. A plethora, even. Check it out.

22. heathcliff and cleo fucking - Heathcliff and Cleo NEVER fucked. Heathcliff fucked Sonya; Cleo fucked Riff-Raff.

23. nikki cox uses too much collagen - She certainly does:

 
24. cosplay - is retarded.

25. what position should i be in to do umk3 fatalities - Missionary.

26. are my red rose tea figurines worth anything - No.

27. duck tales transylvania secret treasure - There two secret treasures in DuckTales are hidden in the African Mines and on the Moon; there isn’t on in Transylvania. There is, however, an extra hitpoint hidden in the level. From the start of the level, go right until you get to the first rope. Climb up it. When you get to the top, go right and keep going right until you come to what appears to be a solid wall. Walk through it and you’ll find a treasure chest on the other side. Open it for a permanent hitpoint.

28. sirron kcuhc dnif - You don’t find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

29. video game emoticons -

30. a really nice ass in tight sweatpants - Didn’t we already cover this?

 
31. sydlexia best genesis games - Sorry, that doesn’t exist… yet.

32. peach rapes bowser - That’s even worse than Bowser raping Peach.

33. affective response art - Hey, let’s read a slightly edited version of a paper Syd wrote for a high level university philosophy course. His former professor, Dr. Robert Innis, would be proud. Maybe.

34. let’s play mickey mousecapade - Let’s not.

35. best nes games - I wouldn’t know anything about that.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

A new comic is up. Yes, for real.

A new article is up.

Alexa Traffic Ranking on May 18, 2005: 2,411,400
Alexa Traffic Ranking on May 18, 2008: 45,676

      These numbers are both three month averages. So basically, I’ve gone from being a completely insignificant site to the 45,676th most popular site in terms of overall traffic. That means that now I’m only *mildly* insignificant! Actually, considering that I-Mockery is currently at 23,745, I’d say that I’m doing pretty good.

      It is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the ever popular site feature that dies and then comes back again, kinda like Jesus… or herpes. This is where I take a look at some of the search terms that brought visitors to the site. This FWSE report is for the six week period beginning March 23rd and ending May 3rd. As always, these are all real searches. Here we go…

1. arnold’s best movie - Batman and Robin! Oh wait, you said BEST.

2. top 100 site list - Heh, SydLexia.com only shows up on Top 100 Site lists in my dreams.

3. sydlexia image dump - Indeed, I do have an image dump.

4. link to the past game genie code for hammer - CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER! Also, there doesn’t seem to a Game Genie code that gives you the hammer. However, the code AEA8-D4FA will let you move vertically through any obstacle.

5. really good snes games - You might find some here.

6. nes game with two soldiers - What the fuck, dude? Could you be any more vague? Since the only two player NES game where you play as soldiers that I like is Contra, I’m gonna say Contra. It’s probably not Contra though, because everyone knows that Contra fucking rules.

7. what type of music does hulk hogan like - Rock, especially classic rock.

8. what robot master are you - If you’re between the ages of 13 and 20, then YOU ARE CUTMAN. Go cut yourself, you emo bastard.

9. james bond movies jumped the shark - That’s a hard claim to make. The original Ian Fleming novels were very pulpish in nature and they only sold because they were filled with sex and exploitative Cold War violence. So when the source material is rather cheesy, it’s hard to criticize the movies for being even cheesier. But cheesy or not, Bond is still awesome. Well, except in The World Is Not Enough… that was boring as hell.

10. g-rated movies where the mom and dad fuck - Uh… WHAT?

11. 8 ball of cocaine - Where do I sign up?

12. zelda bushes - I really hope this search was referring to the bushes in A Link To The Past and not something dirty and gross.

 
13. scientology mission to mars - Oh please. Scientology can’t even make a decent movie, so I seriously doubt they can successfully send people to Mars.

14. jokes involving fat people but in a good way - Well, there’s that popular internet meme with the fat kid in a t-shirt that says “I BEAT ANOREXIA”.

15. whats the point of friday the thirteenth nes game - It’s survival horror. The point is to keep at least one counselor alive, protect at least one camper, and reduce Jason’s life total to zero on all three days.

16. cartoon cat lived in a plane in a junkyard - That would be Riff-Raff.

17. best vagina ever - I’m not in the business of rating vaginas. If you really want to find the “best vagina ever”, you’ll have to check out RateMyVagina.com and see which vagina has the highest rating. Sadly, this isn’t a joke; RateMyVagina.com is a very real site.

18. cyveillance - They’re all bark and no bite.

19. How a scorpion moves - Um… it has legs?

20. mutoid man scarface - What is Smash TV? I’ll take Video Game Bosses for $800, Alex.

21. sindel and scorpion fucking mk hentai - I bet that Sindel doesn’t like having her hair pulled.

22. rapper with a creepy child voice - The Horrorist, maybe?

23. i hate boss battles - Then go play Brain Age.

24. sid lexia - Sid Lexia isn’t a clever name at all.

25. interesting stuff about vigina on a map - That’s either a slight misspelling of “vagina” or an embarassingly bad misspelling of “Virginia”. Either way, it’s a dumb search.

26. play nes monopoly for free - Play real Monopoly, it’s a lot less tedious.

27. brinks scare tactics - The Brinks Home Security commercials are a prime example of scare tactics. No one is going to attempt to rob your house in broad daylight, let alone when you are home. However, just because Brinks presents grossly atypical burglary situations in their commercials doesn’t mean that a home security system isn’t a good buy.

28. season 6 - Of what?

29. superbook forums - There is no television show that deserves its own forum less than Superbook.

30. can christianity and evolution coexist - The short answer is yes. If you want the longer version, ask the pope.

31. james comron aliens - A note to all directors, both current and aspiring: if you stop making movies, people will stop caring about whether or not they came anywhere close to spelling your last name correctly.

32. i hate alex vincent - That’s okay, I hate Vincent D’Onofrio.

33. what does orange mean in the small blob - I don’t understand the question.

34. larissa oleynik suicide - Larisa Oleynik is not dead. She’s also not married, which is awesome. From my perspective, anyway… I don’t know how happy she is about that.

35. the long fatality code - That sounds like a film noir.

36. why do americans hate bollywood - Americans don’t hate Bollywood. Hell, most Americans don’t even know what Bollywood is. I do think, however, that most Americans familiar with Bollywood do find it to be incredibly silly and trivial. But disrepect and condescension are both very different from hatred.

37. can’t open garage door in maniac mansion - Use the Hunk-O-Matic a couple of times. It’s in Cousin Ted’s room.

38. how to beat bubble bobble - Defeat the Super Drunk!

 
39. i have the pussy i make the rules - Only if you’re Blofeld.

40. what are the best nes games - The best NES games are the ones you fondly remember playing back in the day.

41. who was that little boy that hulk hogan picked up - When? Where? NARROW IT DOWN!

42. don’t be a smartass - DON’T BE A TUNA HEAD!

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

P.S. erin esurance smoking hot naked fucking sex hentai

A new article is up.

Because it was all just a dumb April Fool’s Day joke. Sorry.

If you missed it, click here.