One RESTORE GAME later and I'm back in the hallway. The room with Sally's body was one in the east/west hallway, so I guess it's time to explore the north/south hallway.

 

The first stop in the north/south hallway is a staircase up to the attic. I want to finish exploring this floor, so I'll skip that for now.

 

The second and final stop in this hallway is yet another doorway. Hopefully this will be the last one them.

 

      Now I'm in the study. There's no dead bodies in this room. There is, however, a big obvious picture on the wall. If you try to take it, however, you will quickly discover that it is fastened to the wall. I don't have a screwdriver, but I have the next best thing: a butterknife. Let's see how that works out for me.

 

Success! Now I'm gonna take the picture. Who wants to bet there's a safe behind it?

 

Dammit, no safe. There's a button though. I'm gonna push it. Push it real good.

 

Great, the game doesn't understand PUSH BUTTON. Maybe it's not that kind of button then. Maybe it's the kind of button that you TAKE.

 

Fuck it, I give up. There's another room adjacent to this one, maybe there'll be something cool in there.

 

Oh boy, a bathroom. And there's another dead body. If I had to guess, I'd say that's Bill, the butcher.

 

      Yup, it's Bill, and he's been murdered with pantyhose. You know, that should be the only legal use for pantyhose. That stuff is very, very unsexy. There's only two guests left now, Daisy and Tom. Unless Tom is a crossdresser, my money is on Daisy. And since Ken and Roberta Williams are lousy prudes who won't even let me fuck dead bodies, my money is definitely on Daisy. While I'm in here, I better examine the toilet. Let's see if Bill got a chance to flush before he died.

 

ROFLMAO, THERE'S "NOTHING SPECIAL" IN THE TOILET!!!

 

      While I was goofing around, trying to find other assholish things I could do besides check the toilet, it occurred to me that I should try and steal a towel. I've done in it in every hotel I've ever been in, why should I act any differently in a video game? Much to my surprise, it worked. After that, I was completely out of ideas. Since I couldn't figure out what to do with the button, I decided to head up to the attic.

 

      When I arrived in the attic, I noticed two things. First, there was a ladder which the game wouldn't let me take. Secondly, there was a thing in the middle of the floor which I was pretty sure I could take. The only probably is that I had no idea what it was. TAKE BROOM didn't work. TAKE SNOW SHOVEL didn't work. TAKE OPRAH'S DILDO didn't work either. I was out of ideas. LOOK didn't help, either. Finally, I tried the most obvious solution: TAKE THING.

 

That didn't work either. Rather than quit in disgust over the game's abyssmal graphics, I asked for HELP.

 

Oh, of course. It's a fucking SLEDGEHAMMER. How did I not see that before? With sledgehammer in hand, I headed into the next room.

 

      It's a storage room. Isn't an attic itself generally considered to be a storage space? Does there really need to be a special storage room within the attic? And this storage room is special indeed; it has a chest. Does said chest hold the fabled Mystery House jewels? Let's find out...

 

Dammit, it won't open. It's hammer time!

 

      Fine, I guess it's NOT hammer time. It would appear that I am at an impasse. I can't open the attic chest, I can't figure out what to do with that button that was behind the picture, and I can't figure out how to navigate the woods. There's only thing left to do: wander around until I accidentally figure something out!


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