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Posted: Jul 08 2009 08:34 pm

My five favorite, in no particular order, are:

Everyone at Hillshire Farms is a terrorist.
You kids aren't cute and I hope you die.
Water vs. Coke
There was no JFK assassination you morons.
Fuck you, I'll eat what I want.

Posted: Jul 08 2009 08:41 pm

Oh, "Fuck You, I'll Eat What I Want" is my favorite by far, at least in terms of message and point made. In terms of pure humor and laughing out loud moments, though, it would have to be "Stupid Things Girls Put in Their AIM Profiles":

http://haddox.sydlexia.com/girlsarestupid.php

Classic. I laughed my ass off just skimming it again while getting the link. I will say that the "Serving Sizes are Bullshit" article is a very close second though.

http://haddox.sydlexia.com/servingsizes.php

Joined: Apr 14 2006 Location: Lake Michigan Posts: 3332

Heh, I forgot about the line "God hates water. He sent Jesus to Earth to change it all to wine."

Yeah, that AIM one is probably my favorite too, because it was so memorable.

Posted: Jul 09 2009 03:09 pm

Hahaha, You kids aren't cute and I hope you die is pretty fantastic.

Its resoundingly true as well.

Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

the your kids aren't cute and the tatoos one

Posted: Jul 10 2009 02:17 pm

"Take off that goddamn headset" rings especially true for me...

There was a Friday Happy Hour acquaintance of mine (more of a friend of a friend that just happened to be there whenever I'd go drinking with this particular group of friends) that would sit at our table in the bar with that damn thing on, raising the bar for cell phone laziness to new heights, and I could never tell when he was talking to us at the table and when he was talking on his phone. One night after about 8 beers, I said "what?" to him in response to one of his out-of-context comments, thinking he was talking to me for the 4th time that night. I got a snooty head-nod accompanied by him pointing to his ear to signify that he was on the phone and not talking to us at that moment. I paid my tab, stood up, ripped the headset off his ear, dropped it in the pitcher of beer, and left. This was well over a year ago and I haven't been invited back out with them since, but I like to think that it was worth it.

Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

HIs new article is funny as hell

Posted: Jul 11 2009 03:40 am

Hillshire farms for sure.

Posted: Jul 11 2009 09:10 pm

I'm curious what prompted this thread Syd. Were you just wondering, or are there darker machinations at work here?

Posted: Jul 11 2009 09:12 pm

I was just curious. I wanted to see if there's any disparity between what Haddox thinks works and what actually works.

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3474

Syd Lexia wrote:

I was just curious. I wanted to see if there's any disparity between what Haddox thinks works and what actually works.

Very rarely do I ever take any of those types of articles, be it Maddox or Haddox, seriously. I think the only time I ever took one of those articles to heart is when Maddox was talking about illegal immigrants and said that the reason they are being hired is because coporations are hiring them for less money.

Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 2752

Damn, most of those are hilarious, i have to read more before making a choice but so far the one's hawk chose are awesome.

Edit after reading more Haddox:

http://haddox.sydlexia.com/fuck_yahoo_news.php

Thank you!!! Yes, wake the fuck up america! Shut up about cats on reality shows and lets hear some legitimate news!!!

But sadly it will never wake up, it's always been this 'duuuuuuuh'. I'm a huge fan of MASH and one episode feature the MASH unit getting casualties like theres no tomorrow, and while that's happening, there are news clips playing in between scenes of horrific human suffering during the ravages of war.

You want to know what one of the damn headlining clips was?

A cat playing ping pong, and this wasn't scripted for the show, it was an actual clip from the 1950s. Oh and did i mention the announcer guy during the clip was making cat puns that would make Eddy Murphy wish he was as lame.

You know what? You want to make news Haddox? Kill 100 cats, put them in a pile out side of Rockefeller center and light them on fire. I guarantee you will get more press then Michael Jackson's baby hanging, death and funeral.

And you know what is really sad, i like cat very much and i made a statement like that. That's how much the news media in general pisses me off

Title: TMNG Joined: Jul 29 2009 Posts: 3

tatoo rant.

Joined: Nov 02 2008 Posts: 725

I'd say the kids one is my favorite in both humor an message. I mean, who the FUCK would teach their 8-year-old daughter to dance like a stripper?

Title: Titlating Joined: Dec 17 2007 Posts: 5042

I liked the top 100 snes games article.

Posted: Sep 13 2009 04:26 am

Haddox's your dick shouldn't fit inside this inspired me to make a pubic service announcement.

Here are the official rules for responsible penis ownership.

DO NOT pierce your it! It's one of your earliest friends, and has done nothing to deserve being impaled with pieces of stainless steel. Now your ears? They're assholes, you can pierce them all you want. Your nose? Go right ahead, see if I stop you!

See how dumb this looks? Now imagine it below the belt.

DO NOT tattoo it! Same rules as above apply, I find it hard to believe that your wang has done something heinous enough to warrant you paying some sadomasochistic jerk to scar images infused with ink in to it. Plus no one besides you really thinks it's that awesome that you got you trouser snake done up with a snarly shark mouth and eyes like a WWII bomber, or like a candy cane.

Looks cool on planes, not your junk.

DO NOT stick it into ladies you don't know unprotected! Listen, I know having a penis is like having a divining rod that finds bad ideas instead of water, so keep in mind that you should probably not be consulting it for advice. The increase of pleasurable friction is not a fair trade off for pissing string cheese and having what appears to be barely healed second degree burns on your junk. Wrap it up folks!

You should probably just not sleep with this at all, even if you are protected...

DO NOT stick it in ladies you DO know unprotected! Who the fuck told you to be Tommy Trusting? Unless you're planning on siring a dynasty and settling down in the suburbs wrap that fucker up like I told you the first time!

This is when it's okay, dumb ass.

Speaking of safe sex, DO NOT use plastic cling wrap in place of a condom! Because that is fucking retarded, and is quite uncomfortable from what some of my less than reputable friends tell me.

This picture is misleading, you do not get prizes for being retarded.

DO NOT smear it in peanut butter and eye the neighbor's dog seductively! Because that is both highly disgusting and illegal. What the fuck is wrong with you anyways? It could also result in a hilarious albeit embarrassing trip to the emergency room for you.

The neighbor's dog is now rightfully scared of you, you should be ashamed of yourself!

DO NOT mock law enforcement by waggling it at them in humorous fashion, they tend to frown upon things like that.

Maniac Cop is not amused by your impudent genital waving!

And finally, DO NOT try to make sweet sweet love to a beehive! Remember, rapping clowns are an unreliable source of good ideas, and just because Shaggy 2 Dope raps about it does not mean you should try it. IF Shaggy 2 Dope jumped out of a tree with a rope attached to his penis would YOU do it too?

Don't answer that, I don't really want to know...

Posted: Sep 13 2009 04:36 am

lol well done blackout, but i hate ICP and any ICP references

Posted: Sep 13 2009 07:00 am

It was more of a jab at ICP than a condolence of their......music. Confused

Joined: Nov 02 2008 Posts: 725

Hacker wrote:

HIs new article is funny as hell

The sports radio one? It very well reflects my life. I like video games maybe somewhat more than your average 17-year-old boy, but my parents still think I'm obsessed with video games and that I immerse myself in them all my life. I have huge plans on the internet, like a Doom/Sonic crossover and a blog, but now my parents started attacking my love for computers and the internet. It seems as if you're not immersed in sports 24/7, you're not a "real man", but if you're into something that matters more than sports, like computers, you're blacklisted as a "nerd" or a "geek". I don't like it, but I don't give a fuck.

Posted: Sep 14 2009 06:55 pm

Doom and Sonic?

Joined: Nov 02 2008 Posts: 725

MOGHARR wrote:

Doom and Sonic?

Purely experimental. I want to see if I can pull it off right despite being extremely unconventional. I'm looking deep into the storylines of both series and seeing exactly how they can be combined.

Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

Aqua Hedgehog wrote:

Hacker wrote:

HIs new article is funny as hell

The sports radio one? It very well reflects my life. I like video games maybe somewhat more than your average 17-year-old boy, but my parents still think I'm obsessed with video games and that I immerse myself in them all my life. I have huge plans on the internet, like a Doom/Sonic crossover and a blog, but now my parents started attacking my love for computers and the internet. It seems as if you're not immersed in sports 24/7, you're not a "real man", but if you're into something that matters more than sports, like computers, you're blacklisted as a "nerd" or a "geek". I don't like it, but I don't give a fuck.

I was refferiing to the guitar one

Joined: Nov 02 2008 Posts: 725

Oh. I was just reading a thread about how video games can become a problem back at Sega-16, and since I don't see my media junkie status as life-destroying, like I'd lose my job because I play WoW or watch a TV show too much, I'm not worried about it. I don't even play WoW a lot anyway. Sure my exercise is limited to walking or other needed functions for a task, but my life is still in order. Looking at Star Wars nerds whose rooms are immersed in Star Wars posters, action figures, and various memorbillia, they don't have girlfriends not because they can't get one, but because they refuse. I'm sure there's plenty of females who share the same interest as these guys. As with me, I'm not getting a girlfriend until I'm legally old enough to have sex.

Joined: Oct 10 2009 Posts: 3

(I'm a douchebag. Ignore me.)

Joined: Nov 02 2008 Posts: 725

When is he gonna update his site again?