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Posted: Dec 22 2007 02:07 am

At Radioshack we have the music tuned to Sirius Satellite Radio's all Christmas channel. We are forced to endure numbers 10, 8, 6, 4 and 2 at least thrice a day, plus a host of other songs. Some are good, some are bad, but all become annoying after listening to them nonstop eight + hours a day.

My manager's response to Christmas Wrapping is noteworthy:
"I wanna know who recorded this. Who was the record producer who sat in the studio, listened to this and thought: fantastic, let's roll with it. I want to meet that guy. Actually, I don't."

Dominick the Donkey is especially bad. Nothing compliments a long line of frustrated customers who are waiting iritably while I try to activate a new prepaid phone quite like "Jigity jing, ee-AWW ee-AWW!"

I have since developed an unfortuante loathing for Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and even Elvis. When I awoke yesterday morning to the tune of Frosty the Snowman in my head, I knew it was time to either find another job or start comming to work in a drunken stupor.

Posted: Dec 22 2007 03:54 am

I fucking hate 'Tis the season to be jolly. Why the fuck is THIS the season to be jolly? The time when everyone is freezing their goddamn asses off isn't jolly. It sucks dick. Also, is it that hard to have said "It's the season" instead of some retarded sounding garbage like TIS? TISSSSSSSSSS the season. Tis it right up your ass.

Posted: Dec 22 2007 08:27 am

"Tis the season to be jolly" is a line from "Deck The Halls"

It's not the greatest song ever, but it did lead to Bob Rivers' parody "Grabyerballs (Like Michael Jackson)".

Posted: Dec 22 2007 12:23 pm

Wham's entire appeal was built around them being so blatantly out of the closet. Don't be a homophobe.

Also: there's a Spice Girls version of Christmas Wrapping that is far, far worse than the original. Track it down to experience terror.

Joined: Dec 06 2007 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11244

Did greeneyedzeke help you with the article?

The kid has been in his office since November 1st with a Christmas music play list that rivals Rhapsody's entire library in terms of size.

Why November 1st? Because from October 1 - 31 all he played was Halloween tunes.

A part of me actually thinks that on the side greeneyedzeke may be a holiday disk jockey for the local radio stations.

I should mention that perhaps it is not 100% of the time. 1% of the time he loads up the theme from Phendrana Drifts in Metroid Prime and 2% of the time he will play a song from Final Fantasy VI to piss me off. So the other 97% of the time it is holiday madness.

On an odd side thought, it is a strange if he is not wearing a NIN T-shirt... He must have a leaked Trent Reznor Holiday CD somewhere...

Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 2752

Syd Lexia wrote:

"Tis the season to be jolly" is a line from "Deck The Halls"

It's not the greatest song ever, but it did lead to Bob Rivers' parody "Grabyerballs (Like Michael Jackson)".

I can all most hear the lyrics and music now Laughing

That article was awesome and i thank god that #2 is the only one from that list i have been tormented with (well so far). Ironically, #2 got a longer listen from me then all the others and Cyndi got the shortest. Serious, is that how Cyndi's rendition opens, because it sounded like a cat taking a shit.

"Cabbage Patch Kiiiiiiids! Cabbage Patch Kiiiiiiiids! . . ." nope, it's not stuck in my head, most because there is no room for it, since this dominates my brain

Posted: Dec 22 2007 07:00 pm

-bjork- wrote:

Wham's entire appeal was built around them being so blatantly out of the closet. Don't be a homophobe.

Actually, George was in the closet til that ill-fated mid-90s bathroom sting. Hell, the premise for the "Last Christmas" music video involved George stealing Andrew's girlfriend. Also, Andrew isn't gay. He married one of the chicks from Bananarama and they have a kid or two.

Joined: Feb 24 2006 Posts: 2578

Great article! A fun read, although I must admit I couldn't bring myself to listen to all the clips... I was too afraid. Sad

Posted: Dec 22 2007 09:57 pm

Syd Lexia wrote:

-bjork- wrote:

Wham's entire appeal was built around them being so blatantly out of the closet. Don't be a homophobe.

Actually, George was in the closet til that ill-fated mid-90s bathroom sting. Hell, the premise for the "Last Christmas" music video involved George stealing Andrew's girlfriend. Also, Andrew isn't gay. He married one of the chicks from Bananarama and they have a kid or two.

Cover marriage, and George Michael fooled no one!

Posted: Dec 22 2007 10:05 pm

I implore you to find even one gay thing in the video for "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".

Posted: Dec 22 2007 10:31 pm

Where was this on the list (the version below is pitch-altered, so it's actually tolerabe).

On a side note, what the fuck was Alvin doing to that present in the beginning?

Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 2752

Char Aznable wrote:

Where was this on the list (the version below is pitch-altered, so it's actually tolerabe).

On a side note, what the fuck was Alvin doing to that present in the beginning?

He was hoping to 'surprise' the Chipettes, if you get my drift. Twisted Evil

Posted: Dec 22 2007 10:45 pm

Honey, guess what I got you! Also, this is one of my favorite Christmas songs:

Posted: Dec 23 2007 12:04 am

Syd Lexia wrote:

I implore you to find even one gay thing in the video for "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".

That would require watching the video... and I would do anything for love, Syd, but I won't do that.

Posted: Dec 23 2007 01:00 am

Another good Christmas song:

Posted: Dec 23 2007 01:23 am

Syd Lexia wrote:

I implore you to find even one gay thing in the video for "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".

George Michael?

Posted: Dec 23 2007 01:45 am

Valdronius wrote:

Syd Lexia wrote:

I implore you to find even one gay thing in the video for "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".

George Michael?

^

Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 2752

lordsathien wrote:

Another good Christmas song:

That was possible the best christmas video i've seen all month Laughing

Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 2752

Yah i went to a Christmas eve party last night and there was this guy named Dominick at the party . . . and the host wanted to pull a prank on him . . . and everyone is wasted so they can't tell good music from bad . . . in short I had the pleaser of hearing #4 in full. During those moments of JOY!, I couldn't help but remember . . . this was #4 . . .

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3474

I'm just wondering why all the playa hatin on Paul McCartney.

Joined: Apr 14 2006 Location: Lake Michigan Posts: 3332

Yeah, he wasn't a giant weirdo douche like Lennon

Posted: Dec 27 2007 12:24 am

Hey now, Lennon actually believed in stuff and wrote songs with some sort of artistic merit.

Paul is just a big goof.

Joined: Apr 14 2006 Location: Lake Michigan Posts: 3332

Anyone who can like Yoko's oddball abstract art is a freak in my mind.

Posted: Dec 27 2007 06:46 am

Yeah, Yoko sucks.

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3474

Syd Lexia wrote:

Hey now, Lennon actually believed in stuff and wrote songs with some sort of artistic merit.

Paul is just a big goof.

"For No One" has no artistic merit? Sad