I am trying out a new style of prologue for my book I am trying not to give too much away and keep the past in mystery. This is my first attempt at it and I hope that you guys are able to give me back plenty of feedback, because i really need it.

A Hundred Years

A fire burning for a hundred years ended here this day. It was doused by the darkness spreading across the land preparing for the light to cover the land and bring prosperity. Blades sung in the darkness as two souls bound in shell of light separated upon ending of her thread, “Hmhmhm it seems like my machinations are well on their way.”

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A warrior wearing dirt stained armor falls to the ground on one knee his sword in the ground. His once red cape is tattered and torn. He had red dragon wings on his back and a red dragon tail coming from his waist, “Damn it he tricked me...I hope she made it out.”
A shadow loomed over the kneeling body letting out a growling laughter and he stood up and readied his blade once again. He ran towards the shadow and from the corner of his eye he saw a woman running holding a white orb and he spoke to himself as he ran, “Only…one?”
Shadows envelope the area covering the landscape, as a being stood watching just finishing his chant and he turned around walking away from the shadowed area, “So this is how it is until light can overcome fire.”

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A woman boarded a large ship carrying what seemed to be a large egg and she fell down crying as the ship began to leave port, “I am sorry I could only carry one.”
The ship filled with those wanting to escape the fire moved towards the horizon hoping to find a new world to live upon, hoping to find the sky.

The basic plot-line is not as easy to explain it starts out as the search for someone who is the key to saving the world from the ultimate evil and also the growth of the main character in finding where his life will lead him and whether or not he is the one who will become the one who will save the world or not. Yes that sounds basic and cliche but that's how it starts and it is how the first book is painted as no more than an introduction to many of the main characters and the beginning of a complex story line.

ofcourse

aeonic wrote:

you should really try to keep it all in one tense. for how you write, third person past tense would probably be the best. it's a start, but it's going to need a lot of work to get publishing on anything other than an internet site. i'm not trying to be a douche, just trying to give you a critical eye on things.

no need for apologizing or giving a reason i thrive on criticism and i will definitely take that into account.

And Mr. Douche if serious then yes and if sarcastic then yes

Spanish Meatloaf wrote:

I love when aeonic apologizes for being a douche and douche M. shows up. I fucking love these forums.

Yea it is quite funny and thanks aeonic just gotta find a good editor lol

Oh wow thanks i think ill turn this into a short story I honestly never thought of doing it that way.

Douche McCallister wrote:

I was being serious.

I apologize. It's not everyday someone wants to use something of mine. I would be honored to lend you my talents for your rpg

Douche McCallister wrote:

Sweet. I guess I'll start my own topic as to not over take Dis's topic

Just let me know when ya need me