After making my first silent film I have decided to no longer use my name on my films. So my new Hollywood name is: "Uwe Wood Pitof" after the three worst directors of all time. Let's analyze.
Ed Wood Jr. - Worst Director of All Time
Ed was an artist. Anyone who saw "Glen or Glenda" knows that his films have heart, soul, and some brain behind it. Alas, Ed was not Kevin Smith or Quentin Tarantino, so his dialogue tends to be awkward. The actors he get are also pretty stiff, as though they don't even know what film they're in. Bela Lugosi is arguably the best actor in his movies. Once again, "Glen or Glenda" showed that Bela still had charisma. The reason he is the worst director of all time is because his films are stiffly directed despite the epic scripts that were used to make them and his films are technically horribly made.
Uwe Boll - Second Worst Director of All Time
Germans are good for nothing. Uwe's movies are SO bad they aren't even enjoyable. Luckily, I find amusement that he keeps getting work and his casts get better and better. Look at his American resume:
House of the Dead: Clint Howard (Apollo 13, The Grinch)
Alone in the Dark: Christian Slater (Pump Up the Volume, Broken Arrow, Hard Rain); Tara Reid (American Pie, My Boss' Daughter); Stephen Dorff (Blade, Space Truckers).
Bloodrayne: Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines); Michael Madsen (Kill Bill, Die Another Day); Ben Kingsley (knighted and an Academy Award winner).
Dungeon Siege: Claire Forlani (Mallrats, Mystery Men); Matthew Lillard (Scream, Scooby-Doo); Ray Liotta (Goodfellas, Operation Dumbo Drop); Kristanna Loken (fucking Uwe Boll and many fine women); Jason Statham (Cellular, The Transporter, Snatch); John Rhys-Davies (Sliders, Lord of the Rings); Burt Reynolds (Dukes of Hazzard).
Holy Crap! How is he still making movies that people want to be in!?
Pitof - Nominee for third Worst Director of All Time
Koas is his only running mate, but I suspect both people are one and the same. Catwoman. Enough said.
Wong Kar Wai or WKW is another name I want to add to this list as the Worst, but Overrated, Director of All Time.
So, watch my movies, but please don't kill me...
