Going on a little rant here as it is cathartic...

My life has been pretty crazy over the last few months, mostly due to neighbors. It all started after getting involved with my upstairs neighbor. I call him Mr. Rogers, but his actual name is Joshua. He is a raging alcoholic and possible drug user. He is the epitome of a douche bag, popped collar and all. We used to go out and BBQ which lead to me meeting some other neighbors.

First however, Mr. Rogers. Initially I wanted nothing to do with him but that's sort of hard to avoid with him living upstairs. He is extremely loud and I have learned since that he has a tendency to pee on stuff when he gets drunk to "get the demons out". My girlfriend and myself came home one day sick with the flu and ran into him. He offered to go to buy us medicine if we needed and I decided he wasn't such a bad guy. Big mistake...

Since then I have helped him in cleaning up all the messes he makes and gave him the password for my wifi because he doesn't have Internet. On one occasion upon cleaning up a giant bottle of vodka he dropped on the floor I had to knock him out by chain clawing him directly in the face after trying to save him from cutting himself up crawling around in glass and then tucked him into bed by carrying him to tuck him in after knocking him out.

I had to call the police on him multiple times due to his behavior. This has had no effect on getting him evicted. I had three cops in my house at one point after one incident involving Joshua where one of them stayed to talk with me due to him dealing with Joshua in the past. I told him the story about me knocking him out after attacking me in self defense (he pushed me over a glass table and that could have severely injured me) and told him that I proceeded to carry him to his bedroom to tuck him in. The cop named Mr. Alex Battle (Bad **s name for his profession and is a giant black dude and all around nice guy) had this response:

"Did you just tell me that you knocked out a mother f****r and then tucked him into bed. S**t. You are the nicest guy I know!"

Ironically, Joshua is actually the least of my problems at this point. He actually doesn't bother me anymore and has been pretty nice.

But then there is Diane. I met her at a BBQ with Joshua. She is downright crazy. Another drunk who kicks down doors and started breaking into people apartments. At first she seemed a little bit normal. She is a 54 year old woman that gets so drunk it gets scary. I had to come over to her place one night and remove all of her knives and prescription medications from her after she threatened to kill herself. Maybe I am a sucker for trying to help these crazy people...

Well then Diane hooked up with my 43 year old next door neighbor to my left and started doing the "friends with benefits" thing. You all know how that works out...

This guy next door is named Trevor. I first met him outside while he was smoking on the stairs. Seemed like a cool enough guy, but guess what, another drunk...

He is the sad type of drunk that blames all his problems on everyone else (including me). Oh, he happens to have a kid that he drops of at my house for hours to play my video games so he can get drunk.

I once considered him a friend that just needed help. One night after coming home from a Giants game in San Fransisco he was so drunk he texted me "help me" six hours after he said he would be home with his kid on my couch playing my video games for 15 straight hours. He was sitting on the curb less than 10 feet from his front door not knowing where he was. I had to carry him into his apartment.

Two weeks ago he tried to get a date on Tinder, and surprise, she didn't show up so he gets blackout drunk and cries. Then Joshua shows up telling me that he drove past Trevor's car and he was passed out in the drivers seat crashed into a poll. Of coarse I come to the rescue to drag Trevor into bed.

Eventually I end up calling CPS on this Mother F*****r, as his kid (and himself) are in serious danger as he is driving this kid around with no license with two DUIs. I could give less of a sh*t about the dad but the kid is another story. I have had to resort to keeping his kid away from this guy so that he is at least in a safe place. I eventually contacted his mom as well to inform her of his behavior (drinking and driving his son around and sleeping with the crazy lady Diane while her son is there).

Then there are the Mormons. Just lol...

I have two Mormon missionaries that come over every day. They are really cool kids. However, they are over every single day. We had them over for Christmas, Thanksgiving we drive them to Mormon events ect.

Things just get more crazy...

Ive got crazy drunk guy calling me up because he is too stupid to fix his smart TV upstairs, then Trevor from next door really pissed because I CPSd him while he is still sleeping with the even crazier lady next door; all while there are two Mormons sitting on my couch watching TV with me. All of them knocking at my door.

Just tonight I ran into Trevor and Diane who used many four letter words at me. This is quite ironic as last week Trevor called the cops on her after she physically assaulted him. Now he is sleeping with her. I'm glad I called CPS on him. I think I did the right thing.

But now I am the bad guy...

Yeah I do need to move.

The strange part is it's a really nice looking complex with fancy fountains all over the place, fancy amenities and all of these drunks have fancy jobs and cars. I just attract weird people apparently.

I'm convinced that no matter where I move I'll just get a new batch or weird people.

JoshWoodzy wrote:

Not saying this in a mean way, but it sounds like you're kind of digging the extra drama. Also, there's a difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat. You have no obligation to do any of that shit for any of those people, and it sounds like they'd eventually just drag you down and get you in trouble somehow. The only thing you've done I agree with is calling CPS for that kid. Everything else you could solve and avoid by just not answering the fucking door and not have all this extra drama in your and your girlfriend's lives. So yeah, if literally all of your neighbors beat each other and are raging, loud alcoholics, just move. MOVE MOTHERFUCKER, MOVE. Love you, bye.

Everyone I know has basically told me the same thing. Yes, I have a really hard time saying no to people and they take advantage of that.

I figured if I tried to help these people it be for the best. That backfired on me big time. Now only the Mormons and the kid Aiden with his mother are allowed over. They all know the special super secret knock so I know it's not the goobers at my door.

Yeah, I told my girlfriend the same thing. I fell like I'm living in a sitcom. I sit on my couch with the Mormons with a katana next to me just in case shit gets too crazy.

Joshua also thinks that he is a resurrected Egyptian God who has super powers. According to him he has more money than God, but his mom had to do sign his lease because of his credit. Also due to the fact that he harassed his neighbor girls at the last place he lived.

Diane thinks there is some giant conspiracy against her. She has sued her last three employers for wrongful termination and even the apartment complex. She legally represents herself, which hasn't worked out for her. Sitting on her apartment floor are thousands upon thousands of legal documents for her court cases.

Trevor one random day asked me to babysit this girlfriend of his while my friend Roger was over drawing stuff with my girlfriend and myself. She being a witch made things kind of awkward. I call her Goblin the Witch. She just sat on the couch with a vapid look on her face smoking my friends pot for three hours and didn't say a word...