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Posted: Apr 12 2014 08:03 pm

SNES List:

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Fun Fact: Current Nintendo president Satoru Iwata was the Program Director for EarthBound, as well as an Assistant Producer.

P. S. I beat that game today.

Posted: Oct 29 2014 07:29 pm

Kris Lexia's Snackoween Spooktacular:

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Editor's Note: Syd suggested this article be titled Boozin' It Up With Boo Berry.

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And by that, I mean I’m going to take pictures of everything I managed to cram into my empty pie hole this morning for breakfast.

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If I’ve learned anything this fall, it’s that expired food is scarier than most horror movies.

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For those unfamiliar, each Halloween season, General Mills puts out a series of spooky cereals with the three mainstays, Count Chocula, Boo Berry, and Franken Berry. For 2013, they brought back the long-retired Fruity Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute, but it seems that they’re not making another comeback.

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Honestly, photos can’t do it justice, in part because it is goddamn hard to get a camera to focus on cereal, but take my word for it: a bowl of blue joy awaits.

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Hostess is no stranger to holiday-themed and otherwise branded snack foods, but I think these take the cake.

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Once you unbox and unwrap one of these bad boys, you get the customary Hostess faire: chocolate cake with a puff of (s’)cream filling and that bizarrely-textured frosting.

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Check out this little skull.

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I really wanted to break out the pumpkin spice and apple-related treats I have, as well, but I already felt a little queasy by the time I made it to the Cheetos. Maybe next time, I’ll pace myself, or try for a smaller goddam bowl of Boo Berry.

Posted: Oct 31 2014 05:42 pm

Someone's a big fan of hyphenation!

Posted: Oct 31 2014 06:49 pm

Hyphenation is good.

Posted: Oct 31 2014 07:15 pm

The-Excel wrote:

Hyphenation is good.

Your use of the hyphen is exemplary

Posted: Oct 31 2014 08:41 pm

The-Excel wrote:

Hyphenation is good.

I used to love underscores, but haven't used them in years. _

Posted: Nov 25 2014 01:42 pm

Ten Years: A Retrospective:

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By now, I’m sure you’re nodding along with me and smiling, because you know exactly what site I’m talking about: NEOPETS! Oh, and I guess this little corner of the Internet has been operational that long, as well. It’s hard to believe I was just a dorky little fourth-grader when this website came to be, and now I’m finally able to contribute in ways that don’t involve operating a camera or pretending to be younger than I am for laughs.

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Starting off as a modest operation helmed by college students Adam Powell and Donna Williams, it has grown into a corporate monolith of addictive gaming. Neopets was so popular.

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Back in the day, all the Lexia children were hooked on this outrageously addictive website, but most of all, me.

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Series Two was noticeably smaller than Series One, but what really makes it stand apart from its predecessor was that there were keychains attached to each plush emblazoned with the image of a Petpet.

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For those with extra Neopoints to spend, nowadays, you can even buy a Petpetpet.

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At this point, I don’t know if I have any of the Petpet clips, and on top of that, I think I’ll go crazy if each Petpet isn’t properly matched to the plush toy it came packaged with.

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I’m not sure if they decided to retire the dutiful Poogles before or after all of the redraws of the pets, but nonetheless, Faerieland is now one location smaller.

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In addition to the four basic colors you can adopt a pet in (red, blue, yellow, or green), there is a myriad of other options if you’re willing to shell out the dough.

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And here, we’ve got a Green Penguin! Technically, he’s a Bruce, but there isn’t really much of a difference between the two, except that Bruces come from the icy climes of Terror Mountain, while Penguins come from the chilly land of Pittsburgh.

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In terms of Neopian celebrities, we also have the much-loved musical group, Chomby and the Fungus Balls.

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Included in your ticket price is one of five cool souvenirs: a hat, a jacket, a poster, a CD, or a t-shirt; there are also special seasonal souvenirs if you happen to catch them during the Neopian month of Celebrating. The concert is nothing more than a flash animation of Chomby and his inexplicably afro-sporting Fungus Ball compatriots, but it’s worth dropping some points on at least once.

Virtual pets TOTALLY require food, constant attention and someone to clean up their poop.

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The most notable Kacheek is Eliv Thade. He is the titular character in the anagram-solving game, The Castle of Eliv Thade.

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I immediately associate Kyriis with craftiness and deception because of Capara, the first character you outwit in the card game, Cheat.

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Then again, Brucey is only good at Cheat, due to his famed Lucky Coin.

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I loved that Aisha to death; I purchased my first-ever paintbrush for her, a disco paintbrush.

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I'm pretty sure Syd is still pretty bitter about it, too; at the time, he e-mailed Neopets customer service at least five times trying to get our accounts back to no avail.

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Honestly, I think Scorchios look like something out of the horrifically bad PBS edutainment show, Dragon Tales.

(Note: I persoanlly consider that show to be one of The Five Canadian A-list Projects You Watch In Hell, along with Sonic Underground, Cybersix, Monster Rancher and Dragon Booster.)

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Kikos are appealing for the same reason Kirby is appealing: they’re round and smiley, and sometimes, they’re pink.

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But over time, I grew an appreciation for her strangeness, and wouldn’t want her any other way.

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And here, we have... Buttercup?

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She remembers it wasn't hers; apparently, she doesn't remember stealing it.

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THE SNOWAGER REARS UP AND FIRES AN ICY BLAST AT YOU AND KRIS LEXIA!

Posted: Nov 25 2014 02:24 pm

I don't know what's more disheartening, how spell check apparently can't find these typos when I proofread the articles before sending it over to Syd, or that it strains my eyes whenever I try to determine what words are bolded in this shitty font.

Posted: Nov 25 2014 03:17 pm

What's even worse is I read through this 3 times times before posting and missed stuff

Posted: Nov 25 2014 03:24 pm

Syd Lexia wrote:

What's even worse is I read through this 3 times before posting and missed stuff.

Fixed.

Posted: Nov 25 2014 03:29 pm

OMP

Posted: Dec 18 2014 12:27 am

Random Musings: The Legend of Zelda:

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To those of us within the SydLexia.com community, he was known as Hacker, zelda_god, and Hacker.

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Writing about video games is the last thing I feel like doing right now, but I can think of no better way to honor my fallen friend than to write something new for a site I haven't generated content for in almost 18 months.

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Hopefully, this doesn't suck.

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I have seen multiple reviewers claim that a first-time player could march right off the starting screen without finding the sword.

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I bet you didn't stay inside the lines in coloring books, either.

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By the time I finish it, I'd probably have close to 60 Rupees, enough to buy the Blue Candle.

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By the time I've bought the candle, I have plenty of bombs, too.

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And then MAYBE I finally decide to beat the first dungeon.

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Not only is it an anachronistic inclusion in a high fantasy game, it's not even good against those annoying fucking Peahats that fly about in the overworld.

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No, instead, you always get it for killing the last fucking enemy on the screen.

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There is a lot of stuff in the first Zelda game that those of you who first played it in the 80s just kind of take for granted, but that neither the game nor the instruction manual actually spells out for you. For example, here are some of the things the game never tells you:

1) Some blocks can be pushed to reveal secret passages, open closed doors, or simply just to get them out of your way.

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And if, for some reason, you didn't like talking to other people, there was no shortage of hint books you could order from the Troll Book Club and Arrow Scholastic brochures that your elementary school teachers were always shamelessly hawking.

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OH, WAIT.

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Still, I feel like it was time well-spent.

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Dodongo dies in two hits, and doesn't hit back at all, and the ludicrously-named Manhandla can be killed with a single bomb.

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You can find the Wooden Boomerang, as well, but it's completely useless against him.

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But since Aquamentus' attacks do half a heart of damage to you, he can kill YOU in six hits, too.

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Now, though?

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A Link To The Past and its recent spirtual sequel pulled this bullshit, too, and I didn't like it there, either.

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Otherwise, fuck you, I don't want to be your neighbor. Oh, hey, I just noticed that getting a ring also changes your color on the map.

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Go back to Level 1, work your way forward, never worry about keys again. But generally, I play through the game in a mostly straightforward fashion.

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While I didn't ever buy keys in this game, I wish this feature would have returned in later games.

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And then, every time I find some green rocks, I think I'm close.

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Sometimes, I only had to beat one dungeon to get it, other times, I had to beat two dungeons. And then, a couple times, I was able to wield it without having completed ANY dungeons.

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This is also why the normally brown Goombas in the first Super Mario game turn blue in subterranean levels and gray in castle levels.

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This is the only dungeon in the game's primary quest where this happens; it also happens to be the only dungeon shaped like a swastika.

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For some reason, Aquamentus reappears as the boss of the seventh dungeon. He has no new attacks, nor does he take any more damage to kill than last time.

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I don't understand why such a weak boss is charge of such a high-level dungeon.

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Immediately following this exchange, they totally bone Princess Zelda in the following sequence: oral, anal, vaginal, anal, oral, anal, anal, anal, anal, nasal, anal.

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But for some reason, the Red Potion costs 68 Rupees.

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Sometimes, though, you don't have 68 Rupees and you really need a potion.

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Oftentimes, they weren't depicted in the instruction booklet, so the only way to see what they looked like was to fight your way to them.

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You know, in case you're the only person in the entire damn world who doesn't know what Dracula looks like.

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I entered a pitch black room, a room which, according to the map, was the only thing standing between me and the imprisoned Princess Zelda.

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I know this isn't a eulogy in the most traditional sense of the word; eulogies typically aren't filled with curse words and anal sex.

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3474

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this where it some people

Posted: Dec 18 2014 06:43 am

Prime, like half of your commas are either optional or flatout wrong. A lot of commas have more to do with cadence than they do with grammar, and a significant portion of commas you suggested ruin my intended cadence. I actually had a much longer reply about this written out when Kristen's last article came out, but I accidentally hit the back button on my browser and lost the whole thing.

In particular, you do not need precede every usage of 'too' and 'either' with commas. It is also not always necessarily to separate a general noun and a proper noun with a comma. Sometimes it is grammatically incorrect.

RIGHT: I enjoy the television show South Park.
WRONG: I enjoy the television show, South Park.

RIGHT: I bought the video game Borderlands.
WRONG: I bought the video game, Borderlands.

"It was time well spent."

In this sentence, 'spent' is a verb and 'well' is an adverb. A hyphen is not correct.

Posted: Dec 18 2014 08:18 pm

What browser are you using that loses your post when you back out of the page? Any modern browser will still have everything you typed if you hit back, then forward again.

Posted: Dec 19 2014 01:20 pm

I'm using Firefox. I didn't ACTUALLY hit back. I had like three browser tabs open because I was doing multiple things at once, and I accidentally did a search in the window where I had been typing my reply. By the time I noticed, hitting back didn't bring it back.

Posted: Dec 20 2014 04:40 pm

I missed two. How, I don't know.

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He was a constant fixture of the message boards and our IRC channel.

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Also, it would have been nice if Tezuka and Miyamoto had picked a slightly more threatening color for Ganon.

Posted: Dec 26 2014 03:34 pm

Christmas at Kris Lexia’s: Beauty and the Beast Style:

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Taking place during the events of the first movie, this seventy-two-minute tale follows Belle as she tries to convince Beast of the magic of the holiday season. It never really made sense to me why Beast would hate Christmas in the context of Beauty and the Beast considering the picturesque wintry montage that accompanies “Something There”, the song that marks the turning point in Belle and Beast’s relationship.

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Or, and this is a more likely theory, I’m very much over-thinking a children’s movie.

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At any rate, I didn’t come back to this movie time and time again for the tenuous schmaltzy premise.

Personal note: Mirage and Mozenrath totally should've teamed up like Mechanicles and Abizmol did.

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She seeks out the assistance of Angelique (Bernadette Peters), the former castle decorator-turned-radiant tree-topper to help bring her fantasy holiday to life. Angelique at first refuses, but as Belle sings the show-stopping number, “As Long As There’s Christmas”, her resolve melts away. All of the servants, as well as the Christmas decorations, begin bouncing around with excitement, forming a mock tree where they hope to later place an extravagant conifer. Dreams of tinsel, holly, and an extravagant feast dance in the heads of the main cast, all of them quickly getting swept up in Belle’s excitement. The piece de resistance is Belle’s personalized gift to Beast, a hand-written storybook about the Christmas she was certain they would have together.

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When they chop down the absurdly large tree, the ice, of course, breaks beneath them and Chip falls beneath the icy water.

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At any rate, Beast comes searching for Belle around then and rescues her limp, frigid body.

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So Beast gets angry and locks her in the dungeon as a punishment, where he says she will remain forever.

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Despite the less-than-ideal circumstances, there is still a reason for smiles and not simply tears.

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There’s a heartwarming reprise of “As Long As There’s Christmas" sung by Angelique and Belle.

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As I previously mentioned, Angelique is voiced by Broadway sweetheart Bernadette Peters. She’s well-known for playing the Witch in Stephen Sondheim’s A Little Night Music and the stepmother in the 1997 TV movie version of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella.

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There’s a super-cute kiss fake-out moment here that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

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I know he’s not the main character, but honestly, I was rooting for him the whole time.

Posted: Dec 26 2014 06:17 pm

jprime wrote:

At any rate, I didn’t come back to this movie time and time again for the tenuous schmaltzy premise.

I am with you 100% on this, but technically it's not a typo:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/schmalzy

I changed it anyway.

Posted: Dec 26 2014 11:40 pm

I woulda changed it to "hoity-toity".

Posted: Dec 26 2014 11:54 pm

jprime wrote:

Personal note: Mirage and Mozenrath totally should've teamed up like Mechanicles and Abizmol did.

Agreed. Their combined power would have been phenomenally cosmic!

Posted: Feb 10 2016 11:47 pm

This one's long overdue.

The 100 Best SNES Games Ever:

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You may have noticed that this is the eighth Capcom game to make the list so far.