SydLexia.com - The Forums :: View topic - Impossible Mission

Posted: Mar 31 2009 07:37 am

http://sydlexia.com/vald/impossible_mission.htm

Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

It's really good. Although i'm not too happy about the hacker comment. Were not all fat. I'm hella skinny

Posted: Mar 31 2009 12:54 pm

Brilliant. The juxtaposition of classic gaming with the bane of every students' existence, was absolutely priceless, and beautifully executed. Even though everyone is going to read this, I have to quote this rather large passage because, well, it bears repeating:

Valdronius wrote:

It's the night before your paper is due. You waited until the last minute to finish it of course, because you're a lazy fucking bastard. So you sit down at your desktop computer to write. Unfortunately, the bevy of pornography you've downloaded in recent months has infected your hard drive with more nasty shit than all the STDs of every gaping vagina in all those dirty videos combined. No worries. You'll run your computer in safe mode, transfer the necessary files to your flash drive, and work on your porn-free laptop. The only problem is that after watching your pirated copy of Watchmen last night, the battery is completely dead, and good fucking luck finding the power cord in that shithole of a mess you call a living space. Again, this is not the end of the world; you can just go the campus computer lab and work there. So you head down to the lab and find a computer that works, has a keyboard that's not missing any keys, and a mouse that still has its scroll ball. It's also best that you find a seat far away from the pervasive stench of the foreign students who all but live in the lab and even farther away from the overweight mouth-breathing "hackers" who are using proxy bypass sites to get around school firewalls to look at hentai. So you log onto the school network, plug in your flash drive and, praise be to Allah, it actually reads. You try to save a copy of the file to your personal drive on the network, but because the computer resources department got their funds cut in the last budget, they decided not to increase anyone's personal drive space, and you've got no room left to save it. So you are left running from and saving to your flash drive. Five hours later you're done. Annotated, bibliographied, you've polished this turd into a fucking diamond; Time to print it off. Unfortunately the $0.19 you have in print credit isn't going cover jack shit, and of course you didn't bring any change, so you're going to have to go back to your room to get some. You save your work, shut everything down, and dash off to get some scratch...

Okay, let's fast forward a bit. You're back at the computer lab, your print credit is up to snuff, the paper is loaded back up and ready to print. You hit the button and hear the machine in the back of the room whir to life. You go to check on it and, sweet Vishnu, there's your cover page in all its majestic glory. You back to log out, but the computer won't let go of your flash drive. Being as it's now 7 AM, you're a little tired and pissed, so you yank the bastard out and go back to the printer to retrieve your paper. What you find however, is that the ink ran out after the first page, and you've just paid for seven lovely blank pages. Oh, and that improper hardware removal? Yeah, you just corrupted everything on your flash drive, asshole. So you're fucked. Feel that sharp pain in your anus? That's the feeling of e-Sodomy.

Fucking priceless. And way, way too true. E-sodomy just became my new favorite term for that kind of screwing. Well done sir.

Title: Titlating Joined: Dec 17 2007 Posts: 5042

You've been sitting on this till the battle haven't you?

Posted: Mar 31 2009 04:43 pm

Actually, he wrote it in like three-four days and submitted it to me Sunday. I proofread it and put it up.

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3474

In regards to the intro, I used to parody that song by going "This is a story of a girl, who threw a tantrum said FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD!"

and that's as far as I got. Ah the days of being immature.

Posted: Mar 31 2009 09:58 pm

hehe, i read this at work. made work very easy to deal with today. especially since end of month is ALWAYS hectic

Posted: Apr 03 2009 06:31 pm

This is a great article. I love it.

Posted: Apr 03 2009 06:47 pm

Well thanks boss

Posted: Jun 25 2009 02:15 pm

I know this is kind of old but I wanted to say that I loved it too. I like the password system in Impossible Mission 2 more than 1 - it's less jigsaw puzzle and more blowing up vaults. But I guess that'd be more like vandalism than a research paper.

Apparently in one of the versions of Impossible Mission there was some glitch where it'd stuff a puzzle piece behind a computer terminal, which you couldn't search. That could've been under the headline "Sometimes you're fucked from the start."

Posted: Jun 25 2009 03:27 pm

It was in an Atari version. This focused on the C64 version because:

1) Vald was a big C64 gamer back in the day as you may have surmised from his other C64 stuff
2) The C64 version is considered the most classic version