UsaSatsui wrote: |
I think the past-present thing is something I always have trouble with.
MOGHARR, what parts could you have done without? |
Well, skimming over it again, it's not like there are entire paragraphs or plot points or anything like that. Just a few sentences here and there. For example, I don't think you really even needed the first sentence. Some sentences just seem to chop up the story.