Syd Lexia's Super Lucky Emo Band Names

      Hi there, I'm Syd Lexia and I invent emo band names for a living. Did you ever wonder where bands like Death Cab for Cutie, Rilo Kiley, and The Decemberists get their names? Did you think those names had some sort of significance? Did you think the band members picked them themselves? The answer is simple: fuck no! Naming an emo band is a long, expensive process that requires the services of a skilled consultant such as me. Failure to hire a consultant can prove quite disastrous; you don't want your band to end up with a stupid name like Bloc Party or Funeral for a Friend... do you?

Here is how the process works:

      I ride around on subway trains, buses, and hang out in food courts where I observe paranoid schizophrenics, people with Tourette's Syndrome, and other assorted crazies. I write down the random words these pieces of human garbage blurt out and I combine the best ones into kickass band names that I then sell to you. Here are some sample names and prices:

    Hot Ninja Chick Kiss Explode - $9.95/month
    Guy Smiley's Hairpiece - $12.95/month
    Rape Trauma Hotline - $29.95/month
    1980s Retro Sex Explosion - $29.95/month

      Remember, the only thing that separates your emo band from the 10,000 other emo bands out there is a cool name. You owe it to yourself and your bandmates to have a cool name and you can't do it alone. Call someone who cares. Call me, Syd Lexia. My names will get you signed.


NOTE: Emo is whatever I fucking say it is.


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